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Posted on Tuesday, August 1st, 2006

Dave!Driving over to Seattle is a two-and-one-half-hour endeavor that I have done so many times that I barely notice it anymore. One minute I'm leaving my driveway, and the next I am pulling into the city... everything that happens in-beween is nothing more than a blur. About the only thing I usually remember are the dumbass drivers that piss me off, but today I didn't even remember much of that. For some reason this time was like the trip wasn't even real. Like a video game perhaps.

And that got me thinking about how cool my life would be if it were a video game all the time.

It would probably start off with Elizabeth Hurley appearing before me in a cloud and giving me some kind of quest to complete...


Then, like most adventure games, I'd be dumped in the middle of a forest with only my monkey companion to keep me company...


But eventually I'd slay a bunch of monsters and find treasure so I could upgrade to a Pirate Warrior...


And then I could battle big-ass boss monsters like Jared the Subway Sandwich Whore...


Then I'd become King of the World and marry Princess Elizabeth...


Yeah, my life as a video game would kick ass!

Categories: DaveLife 2006, DaveToons 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. adena says:

    I didn’t know that Pirate Warriors wore black tee-shirts and trench coats.

    Hmm…learn something new everyday.

  2. Dave2 says:

    Nah, I got upgraded again to The One from “The Matrix”.

  3. adena says:

    Ah, but see? In keeping w/ the whole “fantasy life” video game, you should not have become KING David at the end of the game, but rather…SUPERMAN!

  4. adena says:


    As Superman, of course you would still be ruler of the world.

  5. adena says:


    AND still married to Liz Hurley. 🙂

  6. Belinda says:

    What is this, the Adena Comment Show? 😉

    But, if you were a video game? I would totally play you.

  7. Chanakin says:

    Shouldn’t that be “all your monkey are belong to us”?

    I know… I used the punctuation mark outside the quotes….

  8. EDDIE says:

    Are we going to see some kids from King of the World and Princess Elizabeth in the future?
    What would be fair for their children…having Princess’s look and King of the World’s brain?
    ( I do not mean King is not handsome.)

  9. kilax says:

    I want to play!

  10. Avitable says:

    It’s “are belong to us” not “belong to us”. Dude, you just lost some geek cred!

    I’d rather live in a video game like GTA: Vice City.

  11. Dave2 says:

    Okay… OKAY!!

    I needed to eliminate a word so that I would have the right number of spaces for Liz’s mouth. Who knew that my audience was geeky enough to get the reference? I guess I should have known.

    Anyway, I restored it to the original version. I don’t think the mouth movements are as good, but heaven only knows I don’t want to lose any geek cred!

  12. Mikey says:

    I used to work for subway. Thanks for blowing up Jared’s ass. ROFLMFAO

  13. Laurence says:

    Hum, very good score :
    Level : 72
    Strength : 820
    Intelligence : 999
    Charisma : 986
    Health : 765

    However, I will add some :
    Modesty : 12

  14. Bre says:

    Hmm… what video game platform would it use? The original NES is the peak of my video game experience….

  15. Eve says:

    I hope your game works on whatever game system I still have that runs Ms. Pac-Man. And your geek cred is safe with me, there’s nothing you can do to tarnish it in my eyes.

  16. annette says:

    Ohh my imagination is running wild on the type of video game I’d like to live in… only I’d be the undefeated boss and no one would ever win and I’d CONTINUE to rule the world…

    Oh wait. I don’t need a video game to live that 😉

    I guess my modesty points would be zero huh?

  17. Karl says:

    Bre, it has to be original NES, based on the pixellation levels. Rockin’ game. I’d be powerin’ up like a bad monkey mofo.

  18. sultana says:

    I think that it’s only right to give video game Dave a banana when he’s stranded with his monkey in the forest 😉

  19. Dave2 says:

    Mikey… There is absolutely no question in my mind that this world would be a better place without those dumbass Jared Fogle Subway ads. DIE JARED! DIIIIIEEE!

    Laurence…. Yes, on a scale of 1 to 999, I dare say that my modesty would indeed be around a 12… or maybe an 8 even. 🙂 P.S. Where did you get that beautiful Gravatar! Very nice!!

    Bre… XBOX 360, baby!

    Eve… I’ll have to ask about backwards-compatibility but, given the awesome scope of this game and the killer graphics, I’m not sure it will run on anything less than the XBOX 360! Perhaps PlayStation 2, but that would really be pressing it. 😀

    Annette… The game is fairly easy to play because Dave and Bad Monkey are totally invincible!! You just have to be smart enough to put the puzzles together. 🙂

    Karl… I can see where you might think that these are NES screens… but these are XBOX 360 screen caps all the way!

    Sultana… To get the ultra-banana that makes Bad Monkey turn into ULTRA BAD MONKEY so he can go all King Kong on people’s asses, you have to follow the Raging River rapids to Scary Jungle and climb the magic tree with the Coke with Lime logo carved into it. 🙂

  20. Wow, I guess I’ll have to upgrade from my old Atari system…

    Please tell me the entire soundtrack is done by Depeche Mode. That would make the game perfect!

  21. Mia says:

    That should be your next addition to the duck store…I would so play that game while wearing my monkey shirt. That’s Money.

  22. Chase says:

    Oh Dave, how I love thee. If Elizabeth didn’t have your heart (and your pants), I’d try to steal it (them both).

  23. Epona says:

    If I lived in a video game, I would live in The Sims. It’s so different from real life, you know?

    Just kidding. Like Avitable, the video game world I would live in would be Grand Theft Auto. In my opinion, best games EVER (with Vice City #1).

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