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Posted on Friday, June 30th, 2006

Dave!I have a bit of a confession.

While I was working these past weeks, I had a friend approving my comments. Oh sure, I took time out of my busy schedule to read each and every one (because I love me the comments that much), but I just didn't have time to weed through the spam and haters every time a comment needed to be approved. Rather than let them stack up for a month, I had somebody lend a hand. It was as close to my dream "COMMENT-A-TRON 3000" as I'm likely to ever get.

Well, now that I'm back, I'm looking through the comments that were held for some reason or another. Surprisingly, only two were outright nasty (deleted it!). The remaining three were positively reprehensible...

Somebody with a vendetta against Elizabeth Hurley decided to inform me of their insanity on three separate entries.

It's not the first time, and I just don't get it. Do these people honestly feel that I give a crap about trolls who have to say inflammatory trash to get attention? Do they believe in any possible way that I'm going to approve comments with such vile, hateful, filth even if it weren't about the utter perfection that is Elizabeth Hurley? Let's review REALITY here...

Dave Hotness

For the benefit of the learning impaired, I've constructed the above chart to illustrate How Things Are... with the sublime hotness of Elizabeth Hurley at the top, and decreasing levels of hotness following below.

Now, given my understanding of REALITY, the level of stupidity it would take for somebody to think that any ludicrous comment could possibly change my mind about Liz is truly distrubing.

And kind of sad.

These people have nothing better to do with their life?

And speaking of "disturbing hotness" I ran across this image while doing a Google search for something I now forget...

Latex Nun

It's a latex nun. With a cat-o-nine-tails. When I look at it I don't know whether to become aroused, hide under my bed, or start crying. All I do know is that latex is some freaky-cool stuff. For some big fun, you can see other wacky creations at The Latex Lounge. I had thought of ordering me some latex biker shorts to wear while running errands around town, but $130 is a bit steep for a half-pair of pants. A thong is only $37.50, but I would probably get arrested for wearing that in the conservative wilds of Central Washington.

But the minute I have $485 burning a hole in my pocket... that Captain's Jacket is smokin'!

Of course, then I'd have to get the $450 pants to go with it.

And a sash. It's just not complete without a sash.

Categories: Elizabeth Hurley, Internets 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. SJ says:

    Y’know, that latex-clad nun somewhat resembles Patricia Arquette. Wonder if that costume comes in a MEDIUM? Heh.

    And your ass definitely rates higher than Angelina and Halle.

  2. adena says:

    I…uh…Oh wow.

    Those pants are disturbing. I mean….things need to….breathe…..

    And also, need to not be so…defined….


  3. Karl says:

    Wow, I so wanna marry a latex nun. I need to go to confession, stat.

    Do you get a lot of spammers and/or hate mail?

  4. Alexis says:

    And once again, that picture of Tony Danza will give me nightmares. *shudder*

    Belated congrats on surviving that Deadline of Doom! 🙂

  5. Dave2 says:

    SJ… I dare say my ass is truly fine. But hotter than Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry? I think not! Well, maybe if I’m wearing latex biker shorts…

    Adena… Yes, but just think of how fabulous my ass would look in those pants! 🙂

    Karl… I probably wouldn’t have minded being a Catholic so much if this was the nuns we got. As it were, reality is quite a bit… uhhhh… different. And, unfortunately, I do get occasional hate mail, vulgar comments. and spam. Usually no more than 1 or two a week, but it’s still kind of sad.

    Alexis… Oh Tony gives everybody nightmares (if they’re smart). His getting a talk show was one of the signs of the coming Apocalypse. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  6. Caitie says:

    … I always thought that a cat o’ nine tails was the fuzzy thing that grows near a pond. :[


    I wanna see a Davetoon dressed in a purple latex “poet’s shirt.”

    Gotta say that the latex nun is hot. 😐 I don’t want to admit it, but she is.

  7. Laurence says:

    I am happy that you “came back”…
    I love your scale of hotness. I love the symbol of infinity. And I love especially your ass in 4th position, just between Halle Berry and the Sun. I will really like to see it to make me my own opinion… 😉

  8. Dave2 says:

    Caitie… I assure you that I would look totally cool in that jacket! I’m not sure about drawing Toon Dave in latex, however… it’s all shiny and looks hard to draw. I’m also afraid that I’ll get it all wrong and end up making him look like “The Gimp” from “Pulp Fiction”. 🙂

    Laurence… Hotter than the sun… that’s pretty much all you need to know about my ass! I suppose the next time I am in Paris you could verify my claim but, in the meanwhile, you will just have to take my word for it! 🙂

  9. Wayne Hall says:

    I think you already did a Toon Dave in latex…. I do believe it’s currently #2 in the charts.

    So I notice that you started with “confession”, start talking about hotness, and end up with a hot nun. I think I see where your line of thinking gets you.

    I for one have truly never understood, felt or even recognized the fascination or appeal of latex. But that’s ok.

    And I also have to say that I personally don’t mind you getting spam and weird emails, since they compel you to write these kinds of blog responses and make some custom artwork. Anything to encourage! But if there are other things that promote their creation, let us know and maybe the masses can lend a hand.

  10. I am certainly not going to disapprove of anyone worshipping at the alter of E.H. hotness – however, your objectivity is somewhat suspect when you reveal that you have checked out your own ass enough times to rate it’s universal hotness (is there some special all mirrored room you go into to do your daily ass check?). As for the nun, she is just penitent – very very penitent.

  11. ChillyWilly says:

    They picked the wrong model for the all black and white latex on the left.

    The model on the right is more in line with what fits latex-wearing pleasure.

    I’ve never met you in person, but you seem like the type that latex wouldn’t look good. I tend to stay away from latex for the same reasons.

    As for the spammers that leave comments here that never get published, it’s sad that they think – even for the brief minutes it takes them to type out their rant-fuelled blabber – that they would ever show up and available to the collective public.

    Also, kudos to you for only mentioning their comments and not posting any excerpts. To be honest, I never expected less from a professional like yourself.

  12. RW says:

    Let me echo the sentiment of Chilly above, except to say that having met you I am assured that the evil trolls and mongers in the background would see things differently if they would do the same.

    I have exchanged views and broken bread with you. And the only flaw I can see is that you place Angelina Jolie above Halle Berry and Sophie Marceau is no where on your list, plus your shoes are scruffy, you need a shave, I know where you’ve hid the bodies and I think you are deluding yourself if you think you can hide out as a graphic designer when the CIA knows you are the exiled former Dictator of Haiti. But I view this and the use of vegetarianism to cover your over-riding need to consume human flesh as mere glitches in the overall greater person that is You.

    I’m sure once those childish and petulant anonymous ones got to know you as I do, the field of sink-holes in Florida you sold to those New York retirees in 1997 will in no way get in the way of their affinity toward you.

    By the way, I have the guns. Did you get the three-year-olds?

  13. Eve says:

    I think your ass is hotter than Halle Berry. I’m just sayin’.

  14. Chanakin says:

    Latex nuns… what an odd fetish.

  15. undisciplined says:

    Thanks for the latex education. OF COURSE I went straight for the “bizarre” category. It did not disappoint! It’s a mad(x4)world.

  16. Sheryl says:

    Looking at those latex pants, all I can think of is the episode of Friends when Ross tried leather pants. If you opt for the outfit, just remember to powder that hot ass first.

  17. Kristy says:

    I heard a rumor that Elizabeth Hurley was one of Robert Palmer’s back-up singers in those “Addicted to Love” type videos–you know, the ones with the women in the latex dresses? True? Or urban legend?

  18. Jeff says:

    I think I see the Grim Reaper in the reflection of the nun’s chest. Don’t know what it means but it can’t be good.

  19. Dave2 says:

    Wayne… That’s a leather jacket… leather. I think the naughty nun photo must have started things off, because I had that before I started the entry. Subliminal perhaps?

    Elizabeth… My ass raves come from unsolicited reviews! I am just relaying what I hear. 🙂

    Chilly Willy… Then the next time I am in Salt Lake City, I will be sure to wear latex so I can prove just how totally awesome I would look wearing it. I could SO pull it off!

    RW… Oh sure… “we’ll put you in the witness relocation plan and nobody will ever know” is what they promised me! You just can’t trust the government!

    Eve… Halle Berry as a whole, or just selected parts?

    Chanakin… Maybe it’s NOT a fetish! Perhaps a latex habit is just really comfortable to wear??

    Undisciplined… You are far braver than I. Though now I am curious… and ew! An $800 sucky bed?!? Yikes.

    Sheryl… Baroness actually sells lube so you can get yourself all slickery andslide into those pants. It’s a frightening image to have in your head, I’ll give you that.

    Kristy… Really? I had never heard that rumor before! A Google search doesn’t turn up anything, so it’s a well-guarded secret if it’s true.

    Jeff…The photographer puts a dark hood over himself so as not to appear in any of the reflections. This is fairly common at photo shoots like this. I’ve also worked at studios where the photographer controls the camera remotely, and has it concealed in a post or something.

  20. Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies:
    Don’t go with Latex. PVC is lighter, breathes easier, and is alot easier to get off at the end of the night.

    DON’T ASK!!!

  21. Kevin says:

    That justifies the need for Catholicism in the world right there. Ouch.

  22. Eve says:

    Your ass is hotter than Halle Berry’s anything.

  23. Dave2 says:

    Only when on fire.


    Or wearing latex on a hot day. Perhaps I should take the PVC advice Frances has given me?

    Oh… and Kevin… the day that nuns switch to latex outfits is the day I rejoin The Church.

  24. Deb_LA says:

    OMG, you weren’t approving your own comments? Your life doesn’t revolve around this blog?? I am shocked and dismayed. 😉

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