FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
David Simmer II, 40, noted humanitarian, beloved blogger, graphical design genius, brilliant commentator on world events, originator of the Daveism movement, and founder of the Church of Daveology, died June 27 at his home in Central Washington State. He was worked to death.
Mr. Simmer was born March 24, 1966, in San Diego, California. His genius was evident very early in life, and he quickly became the foremost authority on dumbass identification and classification. Realizing that most people in the world were complete idiots, Mr. Simmer went on to form a society for those persons of intelligence and innate brilliance. Initially referred to as "Dave Nation", this organization was the eventual cornerstone for the founding of the Church of Daveology.
After his death had been declared, a formal statement was released by the Daveism Advocacy Center...
"We are deeply saddened by the death of our Most Revered Overlord and spiritual leader. The loss to our church, if not the entire world, is incalculable. But as it is said in the Book of Daveism, 'Let all who follow in The Way of Dave know that they will live on forever in His most sublime grace'."
Declaring that any death of so great a man is a crime against nature, the scene of Mr. Simmer's death was secured as a World Heritage Site, and preserved in every detail by local authorities.
Photograph property of the World Heritage Society
Survivors include his millions of Blogography readers and an extended family. Simmer is to be interned in the courtyard of his 50-story tall monument located at the 200,000 acre Dave National Park (formerly known as Mt. Rainier National Park). A formal burial service will be performed by the Church of Daveology's Most Revered Sub-Overlord, Dane Cook. Donations may be sent to the Dave Memorial Fund, c/o The Daveism Advocacy Center at Daveland.
Argh. Two. More. Days. To. Go...