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Posted on Tuesday, May 16th, 2006

Dave!I have wasps.

Lots of wasps. They built a nest out on the tiny little deck at the back of my apartment. A big one. I didn't want to hurt them but, since I'm paying rent here, they're the ones who are going to have to move. So I whacked the board that the nest was affixed to with a broom handle, causing it to fall down. I figured if the nest was exposed, they would abandon it and go make a new one somewhere else. It was a good plan.

Except they didn't abandon it. Instead they built a sun porch and remodeled the dining room. They're not going anywhere.

And they really hate me now.

I'm kind of afraid to go to sleep at night, thinking that they might find a way inside to seek revenge. I know I certainly would if somebody beat the shit out of my home like that...


And the reason I know all about revenge is because I have decided to start carrying a chain saw in the trunk of my car. There's a lot of times that I have found myself in need of one, so now I'm going to make sure I'm prepared when the situation calls for it. Like this afternoon at the grocery store.

Parking was at a premium. Almost every spot was filled. It was our very first hot day of the season, and everybody and they're dog decided to buy ice cream and have a barbecue. All I wanted was a carton of milk and some eggs, but I couldn't find a spot. Not because there weren't spots to be had... but because people are idiots.

I now present... HOW TO PARK YOUR FRICKIN' CAR!!!


Isn't that nice? They have positioned themselves squarely in the center of the space, leaving free and easy access to the spaces beside them. But not everybody is this smart...


So you see... here is where I have a problem. The person who parked this car is clearly an idiot in desperate need of having their shit ruined.

Hence the chain saw I'll be carrying in my trunk from now on...


The hockey mask is not a requirement, I just think it looks like a fun thing to wear when cutting stuff up with a chain saw.


For the fourth night in a row, I am not able to sleep. I was joking about the wasps keeping me awake, but not about the insomnia. I don't know how I am going to function tomorrow if I can't get at least a few hours rest tonight. But hey, if I wait two minutes, it will be tomorrow, and I'll already have my blog entry done for the day. Go me.

Wait a second... do you hear that buzzing noise??

Categories: DaveLife 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Bec says:

    Insomnia – it totlaly blows – I’ve been awake for three days now with no end in sight. And I’ve got nothing done. Work is not fun.
    Cutting things up with a chainsaw though is fun! My brother (one of those handy types) is licensed to use one and hangs from trees cutting bits off (the tree not himself).

  2. adena says:

    Yellow Jackets can chew through wood, you know…..

    Are they wasps, or yellow jackets? The pic you have is a yellow jacket….I always thought wasps were the skinny butted brown things. Don’t quote me…I could be wrong.

    Regardless….knocking down their nest…NOT a good idea!! Eeee! My dad always told a funny story of his mom thinking it was a good idea to vaccuum a nest of wasps (back in the 40’s…brand new vaccuum machine contraption.) It didn’t go so well.

    You’re supposed to wait until night/early morning, and get those wasp/yellow jacket sprays and spray the hell out of the nest. During the day doesn’t do so well. Now that you’ve knocked it down, I don’t know WHAT to do. Move??

    One of my friends kept hearing this scratching noise coming from her spare bedroom’s ceiling. She figured she had mice. Until one day her house was filled w/ yellow jackets. They ate through the ceiling. She had a colony in her attic.

    Yeah, how’s THAT for horror??

  3. adena says:

    Oh, and insomnia sucks. I’m sorry.

  4. Dave2 says:


    They are wasps, I think. But they are colored like a yellowjacket, and this is all I could find for a scary photo. 🙁

  5. *worries*

    Dave, you need to kill the wasps. They’re dangerous buggers.

    Good luck sleeping. I have no suggestions for that which would be at all healthy.

    But *I* might not sleep if I have to worry about you getting attacked by wasps…

  6. Dave2 says:

    Wait… maybe they’re hornets??

  7. RW says:

    Of course you can always take a chain saw to the wasp nest and get them so mad that they swarm in and sting you into a coma… sleep problem solved.

    Honestly, do I have to think of EVERYTHING?

  8. Dave2 says:

    That sounds painful.

    But if I end up in coma, it’s all good, right?? Now I really DO need to go buy me a chain saw!

  9. Chanakin says:

    Sounds like hornets.

    Gotta get rid of them – they get very protective of their nests, especially around egg season (July/August). They will attack (I speak from experience).

    Not to mention their nests can pretty much double in size every week.

    They also know where you live.

  10. serap says:

    Dave, I run a relaxation session every 4th thursday here in London (just off Tottenham Court Road) people are ALWAYS falling asleep in it! Must be my lovely soothing voice… anyway, you are more than welcome to come along, you’ll be snoring away in minutes. Also, the jet lag will probably help. Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite…ooh, sorry, that was insensitive.

  11. ~jtm says:

    ..and now for the requisite ‘I got stung by a bee’ story… got stuck in an abandonded dryer when I was a kid that housed a bee hive. Let’s just say they were not receiving visitors that day.
    oh, and can I borrow the chain saw…and mask. There’s plenty of offenders here in my apartment complex and at work.

  12. adena says:

    You’ve given me your insomnia.

    I’ve posted on my blog about my grandma and her vacuum vs. the bees.

    Enjoy. 🙂

  13. karla says:

    I leave notes. For the monkey spanking parking idiots, not the wasps. They usually say something creative like “learn to park, asswipe”. I know, I KNOW, I’m good.

    And insomnia? Yeah, I know of what you speak. I’m going on two nights and I am about to go nuts.

    Kill the wasps. It will only get worse. It’s not like they will be any nicer to you if you don’t kill them. You know? They’ll sting you no matter what you do.

    And Serap? What’s this relaxation class? I totally need that and am in London frequently.

  14. Rob says:

    I have carpenter bees all around my house. The male of these bees don’t have stingers but they will annoy you till you run away screaming. The female are pretty docile, until you start messing with the nest. And they have the stingers.

    Good luck with that sleep.

  15. Juli says:

    I think you’re wise to wear the mask. Safety matters.

  16. Grins says:

    Yep, that is a yellow jacket. Is now a good time to tell you that my sister once had to have wasps removed from her bedroom walls? They had gotten into the wall from outside and had built a HUGE nest and then started to make their way into her room. She discovered this when waking up one morning to find them swarming in her room.

  17. James Bow says:

    Get yourself some RAID wasp/hornet killer, stand behind the screen door or something, and kill that nest pronto. KILL IT DEAD!

    I have a wasp/hornet phobia. I would never have knocked the nest down. I would have hired an exterminator and gone on a cross country trip to ensure the wasps couldn’t get me.

  18. I got her through IT2M and I like the designs u made for them. It rocks!!!

    Regarding to your post. Some people could not just park so right and now I am wondering how the hell they got a driver’s license.

  19. Kevin says:

    If you decide to attack the nest a second time, might I suggest you wear the hockey mask? With a mesh net hood, bee keeper’s outfit, engulfed in a cloud of wasp/hornet/yellowjacket killer.

    I think you get the drift. Good luck with that one.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Insomnia is the worst. Especially if you’re really tired but just can’t fall asleep and have to up the next morning.

    If you’re in an apartment shouldn’t your landlord take care of that nasty wasp/hornet problem. He can hire an exterminator. It needs to be taken care of ASAP before it gets to out of control and someone get hurt.

    Good luck sleeping.

  21. Suzi aka SJ says:

    In 1999 I went two straight months without sleeping more than an occasional hour here and there. No reason. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I finally went to an urgent care clinic and told them I was so desperate for sleep I was getting suicidal. They strapped me to a gurney, hauled me off to a hospital for the mentally ill, and put me on suicide watch. They also gave me a sleeping pill that night, and I slept 10 hours. Was sent home the next day when they realized all I’d needed was SLEEP (I could’ve sworn I’d said that!).

    I recommend Benedryl (or its generic equivalent). Non-narcotic, non-habit-forming. Take two and you’ll sleep like Lazarus. Sometimes you just need to break the cycle.

    Good luck, Dave2!

  22. Tara says:

    I too had a wasp problem, the only thing is they decided to come IN the house..100 wasps in the kitchen. I went throught 5 cans of Wasp spray and then called the exterminator. He said they love damp places and we had a lot of rain then… Make sure that where they are hiving is not wet and move anything damp away from the house.

  23. adena says:

    Move anything NOT wet away from the house??

    Bwahahaaha! He lives in WASHINGTON!! 🙂

    (Altho’, it’s been unseasonably nice here…what about up there?)

  24. Jeff says:

    Gather up the hornets/wasps/yellowjackets and bring them with you the next time you go to the store. Then, toss them into the back seat of the car that’s hogging up the parking spaces.

    Of course I don’t know how you’d accomplish any of this – I just make the suggestions.

  25. Eve says:

    LO..VE.. All I need’s my love machine, oh…

    Oh, I’m sorry, thought you said W.A.S.P.

    I feel kind of bad for the poor wasps. They’re just trying to go about living their little wasp lives, but truthfully, they do need to be evicted. They just don’t know how to play nice. I wouldn’t suggest “knocking down” their home, because while they don’t actually seek “revenge” on their assailants, they do have defense mechanisms which will cause them to attack. You can’t blame ’em.

    And I just read here that wasps, yellow jackets, and hornets are all considered “social wasps” and they are aggressive little fuckers. You need a special spray and “wear protective equipment including a bee hat, long-sleeved shirt, coveralls, eye wear and gloves.” I don’t think the hockey mask will do.

    I think it’s time for you to contact the landlord. Otherwise, you might as well start drawing the bee-hat and cover-alls Dave toon.

  26. Eric says:

    check out my recent post about a funny web site i found about people who park like idiots …

  27. Mooselet says:

    I, too, leave notes for the bitches in their SUV’s who insist on parking in the two minute drop off zone in front of my child’s school to walk their spawn to class. For God’s sake cut the cord already and move your friggin’ car!!

    And those insects just have to die. It’s an you-or-them proposition, Dave.

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