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Posted on Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

Dave!Am I the only one who delights in the misfortune of dumbasses?

I don't know what's wrong with me, because my Buddhist leanings are all about love and respect for my fellow humans, yet I just can't seem to feel badly for stupid people when they do stupid things. Can't do it. Maybe my sympathy gene was misplaced somehow?

Or perhaps it's just because I am pure evil...


This morning I had to provide chauffeur services for somebody needing a ride. After dropping them off, it was still early, and I was hungry enough to eat breakfast at McDonalds while I waited. Sure the food will kill you, but I'm facing 40 and am totally ready to die.

So there I am just pulling into the McDonalds parking area, when I see this car entering from the opposite side of the lot. Much to my surprise, they all of a sudden floor it, and come screaming across the pavement in my direction. At first I thought that I had somehow been transported into the movie Death Race 2000, but then I realized that they were just trying to beat me to the drive-through.

Except I wasn't going to the drive-through.

But they didn't know that, and decided to race me for it...

... and ended up ramming their spiffy new truck right into the curb because they were going too fast and couldn't stop in time.


After parking my car, I noticed that the driver had gotten out of his truck to inspect the damage, and it looked like one of his rims took a bit of a beating. This made him mad. Very mad. Very, very mad. He was saying words that I don't think were intended to be said at McDonalds.

I'm sure he probably blames me for this somehow... dumbasses always do.

I thought it was funny, so I just laughed at him as I went to buy an Egg McMuffin (sans ham).

Evil, I tell you.

Categories: DaveLife 2006, DaveToons 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. amamgets says:

    Yes yes– total agreement– and what about their dumbass selves never getting it? Just heading off into righteous dumbass oblivion?

    Glad the dude didn’t whip out a pistol and shoot you.

  2. Missy says:

    Somebody once ran a red light to cut me off and gave me the finger as they speed by–as if the lights were in my control (that would be nice actually!). I was thrilled when a police car instantly flipped on the lights and pulled that loser over. Nasty of me I know, but I hope it was a BIG ticket!

  3. Chase Willaims says:

    Know what, you have no reason to feel anything for these people, they deserve what comes to them. If anything you laughing at them is just part of the bad karma they’ve accumulated. It’s karma, laugh your ass off.

  4. adena says:

    Yeah, really. You’re Buddhist…you should believe in Karma. Really….laugh your ass off. It’s totally ok.

    Plus, that and you have a ginormous aptitude for sarcasm, so that totally factors into it, too.

  5. Anthony says:

    🙂 Excellent.

  6. Bre says:

    Mmm.. I bet that made the Egg McMuffin extra tasty!

  7. Chase says:

    Absolutely you should laugh! Haven’t you seen the laughing yogi guy? (If not – seriously – google it and watch the video)

    Idiots deserve to be mocked.


  8. Not evil. Just well deserved.

  9. Sayuri says:

    Devil Dave is totally HOT!

  10. Belinda says:

    That’s absolutely not evil…just funny. Even God has a sense of humor. Come ON.

  11. Naomi says:

    I love–LOVE–instant karma…

  12. Nicole says:

    I think Devil Dave has been getting into the teeth whitener.

  13. nicole says:

    Similar thing happened to my husband. The guy in the lane to our right tried to gun it so he could cut in front of us because his lane was merging into ours. Don’t ask me why he didn’t just stay where he was. He was already behind us, but he just HAD to be in front of us. He ended up running up on the curb and then had the audacity to beep at us and get all pissed off. Sorry buddy, we didn’t make you a dipshit, you did that all on your own.

  14. Bec says:

    I love watching people get what they deserve. It makes me happy. I may be just collating a large amount of bad karma but, heh, I watch My Name Is Earl… I’ll make a list later on and it’ll be fine.

  15. Mooselet says:

    Not evil, just human. What a jackass; was he afraid they’d run out of the heart-attack-on-a-muffin if he didn’t get there before you? I’d have laughed my ass off and still be giggling as I got out of my car and headed inside. Looo-ser!

  16. Leanne says:

    Well the ass did have it coming. He showed little value for others safety. What if you had been aiming for the drive through he could have hit you killed you and then my daily distraction from my work would be gone. If it wasn’t for you my butt would be cleaning right now so Yea!! Evil Dave!! You’ve saved me from a fate more horrible then the term paper I should be writing instead of cleaning.
    Be careful would hate to see your blog gone
    :.( and all for a egg McMuffin

  17. ms. sizzle says:

    it’s true. he does blame you. and yes, he is a total dumbass. 🙂

  18. andi says:

    I don’t believe that you’re evil because you delighted in someone getting what they deserved after how they acted. I have plenty of sympathy for many people but when I see idiots having their actions bite them in the butt, I just have to at least smile. There is nothing better than seeing karma in action.

    You know those times when someone is filling with pride and then they have a fall, literally or figuratively nothing could be better than that. It’s also very eye-opening when it happens to you and reminds you of the humility you should be observing.

    Also on a random note, you’re approaching 40!? I would have pegged you for early 30s at the latest. Not that I’m a shallow person or anything but good job on maintaining your youth not only with how you act but also your looks. I think the key is never losing your child like wonder and joy.

  19. tigerjoe says:

    Karma would ensure that stupidity begets stupidity, no?

  20. Kevin says:

    You are far from the only one. If I was there, I would have been pointing and mocking. I just wouldn’t be able to help myself. And my lack of Buddhist principles would have dictated that I would not feel the slightest pang of remorse for feeling this way, either.

  21. Michelle says:

    Ha I have this problem too – no matter how hard I try to be a good little Buddhist, I can’t help but laugh at complete idiots. But the Karma is no problem – I do equally dumb things, then laugh at myself afterwards.

    Idiots are eejits are numpties and more often than not, provide a good source of entertainment for everyone else!

  22. karla says:

    Could you come on over to Norway and work your mojo on the motherf**kers who keep pushing me out of the way every morning in their eagerness to get on the train just that fraction of a second before me? These bastards just wedge in, shoving others aside, and I swear it works my last nerve. Maybe you could just have them accidentally fall between the train and the tracks? Not to their death, of course, but just a big ass scare so they QUIT SHOVING me!? I mean, damn, it’s not like the train doesn’t arrive at the same time with all of us on board????

  23. karla says:

    “….but I’m facing 40 and am totally ready to die.”

    By the way, that phrase has me snorting with laughter. Like, I want it for my epitaph or something…..

  24. mooalex says:

    HA! I’d say you had a Karma McMuffin!

    P.S. Love your blog… linked to you today. That should get you a whopping 3 or 4 clickthroughs! You’re welcome.

  25. sandra says:

    Nope, you’re not the only one. I actually watched someone take a photo of a dumbass (after his downfall) at the grocery store a few weeks ago. He made a mad dash for one of the express lines (carrying, naturally, about seven times the item limit) and cut off a little old lady who was so stooped over that she couldn’t even straighten up fully when she tried in the process. In his effort to cut back and forth around the other people, who were annoyingly hindering his race to the finish line, he fell. And a crowd of people pretended not to be laughing…

  26. “he was saying words that I don’t think were intended to be said at McDonalds”

    I am confused, has McDonalds instituted a Mclangage policy, ensuring that all McCustomers only hear the proscribed McWords? Or did you mean that someone shouting “you *#**@**-*@**ing, **#*@**..and your grandma too!” isn’t directed at McDonalds? Becuase it is; it is just there now becuase when it finally leaked that both Big Macs and McNuggests give males a 1 in 3 change of prostate cancer there won’t be near enough appropriate words.

  27. Jennifer says:

    There’s a word for it, I think. Davenfraude, maybe? 🙂

  28. Kent says:

    McDonalds? I just celebrated the passing of my 49th month without the slightest morsel of McChow. Try dah Hardees breakfast burrito; it has real food inside it.

    P.S. I think the curb height is lower, too.

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