Last night I got an instant message from a guy I used to work with asking me if I remembered "the movie with that crazy singer who tore the panties off the blue woman that had Flash Gordon in it." I get asked bizarre movie trivia questions like this all the time, and am no longer surprised by them (the answer, of course, was My Chauffeur featuring Sam J. Jones, Deborah Foreman, and an appearance by Penn & Teller). What surprised me more was what came next:
"So, did you watch the State of the Union Address?" he inquired.
Uhhh... yeah... this would be me watching the State of the Union Address...
Once the blood stopped gushing from my eyes, ears, and rectum... and my brain stopped melting... and the screaming died down... I'm sure it would have been great fun. But, alas, I had a lot of really important things that needed to be done. Like walking my Nintendog and cleaning out the lint trap in my dryer.
Actually, that's a lie. I just don't want to admit that I'd rather light my pubes on fire and watch every Pauly Shore movie ever made while eating raw sewage than have to listen to President Bush (or most any other politician) speak for more than five minutes at a time.
I tried to at least read through the bullet points of the speech... but once I got to the line "America is addicted to oil" and thought back to how oil companies got 14.5 BILLION DOLLARS in government subsidies, then went on to report record profits... the screaming started again.
This annoys the neighbors, so I decided to give up.
Besides, I really do have to clean that lint trap.
BLOGOGRAPHY FLASHBACK ENTRY: Inaugural
BLOGDATE: January 21, 2005
In which Dave reviews the president's inaugural address, and notes some surprising omissions.
Click here to go back in time...
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I was working at the gym last night and found it odd that, for the first time ever, nearly every TV in the gym was tuned in to the XGames. Very few people really give two shits about the XGames. Yet, here was everyone watching it.
And then I realized why… I found a lone TV tuned into something else. It was the State of the Union address… and nobody was watching that TV.
Uh, I was watching a video about Tibet from the library. After about the first 5 minutes of the SOTU, it was such a charade that I couldn’t take it any more. It’s maybe the first time I haven’t watched the thing. Old C- is a total joke… tho I think this year he has been able to pronounce nuclear correctly. The New Supremes were equally as disgusting, as they strutted to their seats.
Mmmmmmmmmm, Deborah Foreman.
God, I miss her. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
I got lucky. I turned on the TV just 2 minutes before the Head Chimp finsihed spewing B.S. from his lips.
“Addicted to Oil” — I’m waiting for the first song parody based on that Robert Palmer song.
In looking up the speech, if Bush really wanted to tell the truth, it would have gone something like this:
“Our addiction to oil needs to end now that we’ve stuffed our pockets with so much cash, there is no more places to put it all. It’s time we looked to another venture for fleecing the American public. Until then, we’ll look for more places for all of this cash.”
First off, I just want to say that this is my new favorite blog. Your drawsings are awesome and hilarious. I was trying not to laugh out loud and wake up my boyfriend when I was looking through your archives, but it was pretty damn tough. BTW, I found you through the italk2much.com girls.
As for the SOTU, nah, I didn’t watch it. I think I was at work or something. I completely forgot. Not that I would choose to watch it. “Head Chimp”. HA!
I accidentally flipped by the Dubya Show while I was channel surfing, but I managed to get past it before I suffered any major hemorrhaging.
I tried. I really did. But I switched to TiVo’d “American Idol” as soon as I heard the comforting message that “appropriate members” of congress are kept informed of the president’s domestic spying program.
And DANG IT, now, if I don’t have the Queen theme song from “Flash Gordon” running through my head. “FLASH! Ah-ahhhhhh….”
Your conversation also reminds me of a line from the last ep of “My Name Is Earl” that had me howling…Randy, when asked to shave-prep a patient for surgery: “I ain’t never shaved a man’s face before. But I saw Footloose’s wife do it in that movie where the cool Sweathog could move things and smash mirrors with his mind. It didn’t look too hard. The face-shaving, I mean, not the smashing mirrors with your mind.”
Or something like that.
I put the TV on this morning and they were showing wee clips on the news about it, needless to say, the channel was promptly changed.
You kill me Dave. Your posts are so damned funny that they’ve inspired me! I’ve blogrolled you, and I’ll certainly be back.
Cheers!
you had me at the watching every Pauly Shore movie ever made.
so much pain.
If I wanted to know the state of the union, I visit federal prison, not listen to an asshole make excuses. If there’s any justice in this world, Karl Rove will burn in hell for setting us up with this looser.
Nuff’ said.
I think that I am now addicted. I TRY and watch the State of the Union because I like to hear Bush make a fool of himself but I like many others found myself nodding off in the first 30 seconds or so. If i missed anything PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD let me know.