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Doody

Posted on Tuesday, February 7th, 2006

Dave!I f#@%ing hate jury duty.

Mostly because I get summoned more than anybody I know. The last time I was called was just a little over two years ago. Meanwhile, there are people I know who have never been called, or been called only once or twice. And, as if it weren't enough that jury summons are so unfairly distributed, the entire system is so stupid, that even if I desired to serve, I would never want to go through the shit they put you through.

First of all, your period of potential service is TWO WEEKS. And since I don't even get to take that much VACATION each year, having to block-out my time for something so lame as jury duty really chaps my ass. I summed it up pretty well the last time I got summoned...

What the f#@%?? Excuse me, but apparently the Washington State Justice System has me confused with some loser that has nothing better to do than wait by the phone while they try to find some criminal that needs hanging. I realize that Washington has one of the highest unemployment rates in the nation, but unless you want me to lose my job and become another unemployment statistic, you'd better re-think things. Do you really expect people to put their lives on hold for TWO WEEKS why you make up your mind as to whether I am going to be called in with only one day's notice? How am I supposed to plan for that? This isn't Little House on the F#@%ing Prairie where people had nothing to do...

Second of all, no excuse is good enough for the dumbass judges that determine if you can be excused. One year, I had to call in to be released because I was going to be studying for final exams at college. The judge yelled at me for five solid minutes and then chastised me for avoiding my "civic duty". The next year I received another summons that landed in the middle of a trip to Europe. Rather than get yelled at by some ass-wipe judge, I actually changed my travel plans.

Lastly, the results of serving on a jury are always unsatisfying. My last term on jury duty had all of us believing that the guy on trial was probably guilty, but we were forced to proclaim him "not guilty" because of gross incompetence by the prosecution. A total waste of my time (not to mention taxpayer dollars).

So you can imagine my reaction when I checked my mail this morning and saw this...

Jury Summons

What could possibly be worse? Let's turn it over and see...

Jury Summons

That's right, my first call-in lands on my birthday!

Awww, you shouldn't have!

Seriously, you shouldn't have. I will probably still be drunk when my term starts on the 27th.

I wonder if they'll let me play with my Nintendo during the trial?


Categories: DaveLife 2006Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. sandra says:

    That’s terrible! It totally conflicts with the possibility of Birthday Self-Promotion (BSP)! Or maybe not…perhaps you could bring cupcakes to the courthouse (think elementary school birthday treats from mom) and make everyone sing to you?

  2. So.

    What does the “L” stand for?

  3. Patrick says:

    Man, am I glad we don’t have that here in Sweden. Our jury in the first instance of court (tingsrätt) consists of the judge and three to five politically appointed jurors (nämndemän) (not necessarily with any judicial experience or degrees).

    And that concludes lesson one on Swedish civics – the judicial system. :)

  4. Dave2 says:

    Bringing cupcakes would no doubt get my ass thrown in jail after I started throwing them at the judge.

    The “L” stands for “Lewis”. When I was young, this was a totally embarrassing name, but it seems to be coming back into style now.

    Hot Swedish babes and NO jury duty? So what would be the immigration policies for Sweden then?? :-)

  5. Fintan says:

    I am so glad that I don’t have to sit jury service.My friends used to moan about that and said I am lucky that I am not alowed to sit jury service.
    I am Deaf and Deaf people aren’t allowed jury service in England.
    Also my partner who is a teacher arent allowed to sit jury service too. :-)

  6. Belinda says:

    I’ve never been called. Is it wrong I’ve been giving them your information instead?

  7. logtar says:

    I have been able to avoid it… but the people that I know that have had to go have always just wasted time and actually never been part of a jury. The vacation rip off is just uncalled for, I say something needs to be done, if there was an incentive to do it (or they will use unemployed people for jury duty)… like hey if you are on welfare, you HAVE to do jury duty.

  8. Kevin says:

    I remember getting a summons one time, but I don’t remember what ever came of it. I know I never reported to the courthouse or anything. Did I just forget about it? Are they going to come after me because of me forgetting? Ohmigod! I’m going to be put on trial for failing to show up for someone else’s trial, aren’t I? AREN’T I??? AREN’T I?!?!?!

    AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

  9. Anthony says:

    I was in college and got a jury summons, luckily I could defer it fairly easily without getting a lecture from a judge.

  10. amanda says:

    The key is to move, and move frequently…I’ve lived in 3 states in the past 4 years, so no one’s ever caught on to my presence fast enough to make me do jury duty…

  11. Brandon says:

    I have only ever been called once and it landed right in the middle of my honeymoon. I wasn’t having that so I pleaded with them and wrote them letters and had my employer confirm that I took my vacation and all of that. They let me off and since I was moving to California right after they didn’t even make me delay it.

  12. Dave2 says:

    Fintan: That’s quite odd, as I am fairly certain that deaf persons or people hard of hearing are not excused here. So far as I know, they bring in a signing interpreter, and you’re good to go.

    Logtar: I have no idea why, but I am chosen for jury duty 50% of the time I am called. I guess I have an honest face? :-)

    Kapgar: THEY may not come to get you, but I will… when bastards like you skip out on jury duty, people like ME are called in!! :-D

    Nez: Hey, that was back in August! Did you ever have to serve?

    Anthony: The judges in Dublin must be much more understanding than here. I was in the middle of FINALS and yet they still expected me to serve!

    Amanda: Something tells me that moving house would take longer than two weeks! I don’t know if I am that desperate to avoid jury duty.

    Brandon: We’ll see if I can get off. I wrote back and told them that I would be out of town celebrating my birthday the weekend before service, and wasn’t returning until the second day into my service… will they take pity on me? Probably not.

  13. michaelsean says:

    The last few times I have been called… I just did not show up. Did not call, write, get an excuse, nothing. They are probably after me now.

    I did serve once many moons ago. Wasted two days of my life listening to attorney’s that must have received their law degree via mail-order blabber on and on and never make a solid point. Those are two days I will never get back.

  14. Patrick says:

    Dave, it’s afaik not hard at all to immigrate to Sweden as long as you’ve either got an employment waiting or married a hot Swedish babe.

    Work & live in Sweden:
    http://www.swedenabroad.com/pages/general____34961.asp

    You could always try to seek asylum from the Bush-regime, but it could prove a bit trickier than the previous alternatives.

  15. Dave2 says:

    I’ll take the hot Swedish babe please.

    And if if she’s a wealthy hot Swedish babe, then the last thing I would want to do when immigrating would be to look for work.

    So if you know of any wealthy, hot Swedish babes (who are in no way particular about the man they marry), please send them my way.

    :-)

  16. nicole says:

    I feel your pain. I just got one of those letters on Friday for the beginning of March. I already served once before a few years back. My fiance has never been called. So unfair.

    I think they need to keep better track of who has been called and who hasn’t. And take advantage of those that are unemployed and make them serve their duty. Afterall, I’m paying so you can sit at home and collect unemployment/welfare/disability. You might as well do something.

  17. jube jubes says:

    HA HA HA HE HE HE HO HO HO HU HU HU
    I won’t have 2 dodge THAT bullet 4 another 6 years.

    SUCKERS!!
    -sigh- *life is good*

  18. Carl says:

    Wear your “Guilty!” (with big letters) t-shirt and see how you do during jury selection. Bring your Nintendo. You’ll probaby have lots of time on your hands.

  19. Chag says:

    The only time I’ve ever been called was last year. I’m a stay-at-home dad, so I wrote them a letter stating my employers (kids) wouldn’t let me off work. I got out of it.

  20. Peggy Archer says:

    Showing up drunk may not be a bad thing.

    If they think you’re a complete f#@%-up, they may not summon you again.

    Have you thought about blacking out a tooth and telling the judge how good roadkill is “if you cook it up right”?

  21. Dave2 says:

    Now all I need to do is become a stay-at-home dad, buy a shirt with GUILTY written on it, and get drunk… then I’m home-free!

  22. karla says:

    …AND tell them you definitely support the death penalty (and cane whipping) for jay walking or any other misdemeanor…..

    I was called for jury duty once, but they took one look at me and I guess they decided I didn’t have an honest face. Whatever, I got out.

  23. Nez says:

    I got off easy this time. I called Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and they didn’t call my number. Then, sure enough, I had to show on Thursday. But I just sat around until lunchtime and then they let us all go.

  24. ChillyWilly says:

    Jury duty sucks ass. I understand the civic duty, but it looks like they have you in constant rotation.

    The last time I got called was back in 1989. I had barely moved from Calif to Utah and still had my car registered in Calif.

    My out was that I was going to school out of state (which was true at the time). Since then, I’ve not been called.

    Hoping the Nintento DS with the mute button hit will keep things in check during your dreaded civic duty.

  25. Kathleen says:

    me – twice.
    but I had moved out of the state they called me in, so I never had to participate.

    someone told me if you vote frequently, you are more likely to get called – not sure if there’s any truth to that.

  26. Toni says:

    Jury duty sucks. Once I got called in when I was in college. I tried to explain that I was a student, and they happily rescheduled me to appear during Spring Break. Jerks.

    Fortunately I only wasted a day, for I looked at the defendant and said, “I dunno. I don’t really trust his face.” They let me go. Heh.

  27. Juli says:

    YOU JINXED ME! I’ve been called to jury duty! I’m 39, been voting since I was eligible and this is the first time I’ve been called. Thanks Dave, thanks a lot!

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