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Posted on Wednesday, January 25th, 2006

Dave!A couple of days ago I wrote about the government requesting that Google release their search records. Ever since then, I've been addicted to the stats page which shows the keyword searches people are using to find Blogography. Sure I've looked before, but now I'm seeing them in an entirely different light. What if the people requesting some of these wacky searches were tracked by the government? Scary.

And if these freaky-ass searches are finding my blog, what in the heck does that say about me?

As it turns out, it's not always my fault. When you combine a bunch of unrelated entries into monthly archives, suddenly a word from June 7th combines with a word from June 13th and a word from June 20th to create something truly disturbing. What was once an innocent separation of words on different days has suddenly been Googlized into something naughty.

And while that's true most of the time, it's not true all of the time.

Searches for things like "penis salad" I have no excuse for.

But hey, here's a question... WHO IN THE HECK DOES A GOOGLE SEARCH FOR "PENIS SALAD"?? What could they possibly be hoping to find? I made it up as a joke... are these people serious?!? And it's not like it was only a one time thing... I've been hit by that search 11 times this month. ELEVEN PEOPLE WERE LOOKING FOR "PENIS SALAD"! WTF? Over half of them are from the U.K., so perhaps it's a British slang term that I am unfamiliar with?

Anyway, for the moment at least, Blogography is the #1 hit in both text and images. I did a screen capture to preserve this moment forever...

Penis Salad Google

Penis Salad Google

And there it is. My proudest moment as a blogger. Out of 701,000 results for "penis salad", I'm #1 on Google. How cool is that? I might as well close up shop and move on to other challenges. I've climbed my Everest. There's nowhere else for me to go with Blogography now. It's all downhill from here.

And, on that note, I should mention that I've passed 5000 comments from brilliant readers such as yourself!

On January 23rd at 6:28pm, "Used Hack" hit the magic number, and has won a pair of quality T-shirts of his choice from the Artificial Duck Store PLUS a gift certificate for $20 from either the iTunes Music Store or, whichever he likes best! It's a prize valued at $43.85, so congratulations Hack!

Comments are cool, and this blog wouldn't be half as much fun without them. I should have comment prizes more often.

And lastly, did anybody see Betty White's masterful performance last night on Boston Legal? Betty with a gun kicks ass!

BLOGDATE: February 7, 2004
In which Dave finds Betty White in his mailbox and contemplates life without clean underwear.
Click here to go back in time...

Categories: Blogging 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Ben says:

    What’s more alarming is that safe search is on.

  2. Dave2 says:

    I guess they consider erotic carrots and cartoon penises to be “Moderately Safe” then? What is this world coming to. 🙂

    I’m more alarmed by the placed ads running in the text search. Talk about scary.

  3. Randy says:

    I cannot comment at all on a penis salad search…but I can say that I found this entertaining (and equally informative) blog by way of a search for extreme quality “issues” with a certain brand of dvd-player…

    What I found was a fabulous Dave-rant on the same brand name…which got me through the difficult personal loss I experienced with my same-brand product.

  4. Neil says:

    Isn’t “penis salad” one of those code expressions that Islamic terrorists are using for “Osama sends greetings.”

  5. MRKisThatKid says:

    My word your bookmark bar is cryptic. Please explain.

  6. Robin says:

    re: Penis Salad. It could be that someone read that post and really liked it, but didn’t save your url. I know that there was this one blog I used to read years ago before blogging was really mainstream. This woman was HYSTERICAL with stories about her cats! One in particular talked about her names for strange things they did, one of which was “The Poo Gallop” which is a victory lap your cat does after he’s taken a crap. Well, I think you know where this is going…3 or 4 years and 2 computers later, I found I didn’t have the link or remember the full name of her blog…so off to google to put in the most memorable thing I remembered…And since I am now a blogger, all I’m thinking is..LORD don’t let her be monitoring her search engine references. “Poo Gallop…WTF??”

  7. Dave2 says:

    Randy… oh yeah, I remember that! My DVD player still doesn’t play. I finally had to supplement my $750 recording DVD player with a $49 regular DVD player I bought on close-out… just so I could play my DVDs, and it still doesn’t record properly either (despite two trips to the repair center). Sad.

    Thanks Neil. If Homeland Security wasn’t reading before, they certainly are now! 🙂

    Toolbar? Hmm… let’s see…

    anal=Google Analytics,, appl=Apple, touc=Macintouch, cent=MacCentral, mini=MacMinute, mcnn=MacNN, thnk=Think Secret, vt=Version Tracker, aicn=Aint It Cool News, imdb=Internet Movie Database, cvb=Convention Visitor’s Bureau, pma=Print Manager A, pmb=Print Manager B, rt=Rotten Tomatoes, and so on…

  8. Rodford says:

    Penis Salad?

    I live in the UK and have not heard this expression. Perhaps if I’m feeling brave, the next time I shop for vegetables, I’ll ask them if they have it?

    Hmm… this could be my last post before I’m arrested.

  9. Kevin says:

    I’m not sure what’s more disturbing… that people are searching for “penis salad” or that you’ve given them something to find. Both in text and image.

  10. Used Hack says:

    Woooo hoooo! Woooo hoooo! Woooo hoooo!

    Thanks Dave. I’ll take a look and send you an e-mail.

  11. Naomi says:

    Contrariwise, when I Google porn, I am often left with a page of (semi-)harmless links I could peruse at my leisure somewhere not confined to a dank basement…

  12. Jack says:

    I wonder if Mitch, who takes up the rest of the first page of images with his penis carrot, is as gutted as yiou are elated. To have discovered the once in a lifetime carrot that looks a bit like a penis only to be knocked off his penis salad top spot by you. Fame is so fickle.

  13. lizriz says:

    OMG, this post was a total piss.

  14. dave says:

    hmmm… what would happen if ‘Dave2’ was the 5000 comment? i think that would be kinda cool.. score yourself a kinda free itunes card….or not

  15. Mooselet says:

    I found your blog by way of the bitches over at i talk 2 much, so it wasn’t me entering penis salad!! And living in Australia, I can say I’ve never heard that term here from anyone!

    What I found disturbing was the sentance under the second image. “…to be a penis.” Uh, I know a lot of people who I’ve thought of as complete and utter dicks, but is this a life goal for some? To be a penis? Or a penis shaped carrot?

  16. *cotton says:

    omg you got me on the floor in stiches! hahah!

  17. Jeff says:

    Hey Dave, I was watching B.L Legal last night and the minute I saw Betty I thought about you and your very unnatural infatuation with her. I just started chuckling to myself and my wife said “what’s so funny?” I didn’t feel like explaining it so I just said “Betty!” Hey, I don’t blame you – she DOES kick ass on that show. As well as Betty, I also think Spader’s one of the best actors in the biz.

  18. You really suck!!!
    You just put your own but in your picture to prevent a board from viewing a google page. Like your copyright was infringed on, yeah!!!PWNED
    Moron, that is why I put your search and not your actual picture. And linked to your blog.

    So I will no longer link to your interesting graphics. Have fun loser.

  19. Dave2 says:

    You are welcome to use my graphics, just so long as you copy them to your own server first.

    Otherwise, I have to pay for the bandwidth to host images for YOUR site, and that isn’t fair… with everybody stealing my bandwidth by hotlinking to images, I was having to pay $500 a month, and I cannot afford that!

    Sorry, but this loser isn’t made of money.

  20. belinda says:

    Dave, I know you must be broken up over this RONALD RUTHERFORD thing. I am so sorry. I wish I could patch things up for you, so devasted you must me.

    Anyhow, my favorite searches that get you to my site are still “aluminum underpants” (multiple searches) and “the slippers were really crappy.” (just once, but it was a good one.)

  21. Sean says:

    So I was looking at something completely unrelated and for some completely unknown reason i did decide to look up penis salad, just to see what came up, i have no idea why. Your blog was number one and it craked me up, evidently I am the type of person who would look up something that strange, and even I don’t know what I was hoping to find. But you did give me a good chuckle. Peace.

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