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Posted on Monday, December 12th, 2005

Dave!I am sick.

And I have gone totally gay over Ryan Reynolds.

It's entirely possible that I am sick because I've gone totally gay over Ryan Reynolds, but I'm pretty sure it was the crappy dinner I ate. And when I say "crappy" I don't mean that there was literally crap in it, but that it tasted terrible. And now my stomach aches and I've got cramps so bad that it feels like my intestines are trying to claw their way out of my torso.

HEY! You don't think that there actually WAS crap in my food do you?!? Because that would certainly explain a lot.

It's no fun being sick, but it's even worse when you are far from home...

Davesick

Anyway, before the gastronomical disaster that was my dinner tonight, I went to go see the movie Aeon Flux. But Aeon Flux was sold out until midnight, so I decided to go see Just Friends starring Ryan Reynolds. It was not a good movie. It was, in fact, a pretty bad movie. It was cliched and slapsticky and there was too much time between genuinely funny moments. In the end, I think it had potential to be a good movie, except the pacing was all off and it wasn't charming enough to make for good romantic comedy.

But I ended up liking the film anyway.

And it's all because of Ryan Reynolds. The guy is hysterical funny...

Ryanreynolds

I first remember seeing him in Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place, but he eventually worked his way up to starring roles in Van Wilder, Blade Trinity, The Amityville Horror remake, and now Just Friends. None of these films were anything remarkable, but I think Ryan Reynolds was entertaining in all of them (how can you not love "Berg" from Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place?). I can only guess that it's because he's an astoundingly talented actor and a genuinely funny guy...

...or because I find him totally hot.

When I get that all figured out, I'll be sure you let you know. In the meanwhile, I think I need to go puke my guts out.

CHAPTER 12: Christmas, Bloody Christmas..
LEGO ADVENT CALENDAR TOY OF THE DAY: Crossing Guard with Traffic Paddle.
   
Lego Dave and his faithful companion Barky the Dog are rushing the brave construction worker to the hospital, but the evil Lego Buzz has caught up to them...
   
"NOW YOU CAN ALL DIIIIIIE!" screams Lego Buzz, his eyes filled with hate.
   
"Don't stop!" yells the construction worker. "Smash through the barrier and run him down!"
"Bark! Bark!" agrees Barky the Dog.
   
Lego Dave grits his teeth and charges forward, busting through the barrier and knocking Lego Buzz on his ass. The resulting crash tips over the wheelbarrow, and everybody goes tumbling to the ground.
   
"Hey!" yells a crossing guard running up to the scene of the crash. "You can't run a construction barrier! That's illegal! I'm going to have to write you a ticket!"
   
Then, out of nowhere, Lego Buzz appears... "TICKET THIS!!" he yells and he plunges his rotary saw into the crossing guard's stomach. "WAAH HA HA HA HAAAAHHH!"
Lego Holiday Twelve
"Dude!" exclaims Lego Dave.
"Bark! Bark!" frets Barky the Dog.
   
"AND NOW YOU'RE NEXT! ALL OF YOU!" screeches Lego Buzz, clearly out of his mind. "BWAH HA HA HAAAAH!"
   
Has time finally run out for our heroes?
   
FIND OUT TOMORROW WHEN DAVE'S "A VERY LEGO HOLIDAY TALE" CONTINUES!


Categories: LEGO, Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. jenny says:

    Wow – crossing guard gets buzz saw to the stomach JUST as real Dave’s intestines are clawing their way out of his stomach. I think you should stop doing the Lego advent calendar – it’s life imitating art.

    Sorry ’bout the belly. Maybe making out w/ a picture of Ryan Reynolds will help. :)

  2. sandra says:

    I’m kind of gay over Jennifer Garner – I understand. What’s odd is that she’s probably not the hottest female actress…but damn if I don’t think the spy thing is attractive.

  3. cougfan says:

    jeez, i guess that 20% gay is pretty gay j/k
    i wonder what compelled lego buzz to do what he does? im sure that he is very emotionally unstable

  4. michaelsean says:

    I must be gay too because I find him to be hilarious. Van Wilder, while childish and stupid, was funny as hell soley due to his talent. I will never, ever, eat a cream filled donut again.

  5. Mia says:

    Ryan Reynolds always makes me feel better…try standing a little closer to his pictures.

  6. Kirkkitsch says:

    I’m totally gay for Ryan Reynolds, too!

    Oh, wait. I was already gay, Nevermind. Ryan Reynolds is just hot…as long as he keeps the facial hair. Otherwise, he looks 20 years old and that creeps me out.

  7. Cavan says:

    Reynolds rocked the casbah in Harold & Kumar. (“Soft, chocolate lips…”)

    Anyway, I figure everyone’s allowed to be totally gay for one person. I’m totally gay for Jake Gyllenhaal, my girlfriend’s totally gay for Natalie Portman.

    So, you know, it’s allowed. But I wonder, do you think your sexual confusion is manifesting itself in the fact that Lego Buzz, judging by the picture, clearly went for the crossing guard’s crotch?

  8. Michelle says:

    Yes…he is funny and very talented…and also extremely toned and buff…?! Seriously, that guy does indeed rock. It’s probably better though that he does the ‘little movies’ as i like to call them, that way people won’t put his movies on such a high pedestal, than if he was to do the big Hollywood blockbusters. If you know what I mean. It’s not his talent that’s preventing his mass success, just the movies he’s chosen I guess.

    And yeah…Berg also rocked =D

  9. Kevin says:

    Yeah, Ryan Reynolds would be one that I’d go gay over, too. My wife already loves him and is looking forward to reading this post (I told her about it on the phone).

    I still maintain that Ryan Reynolds is the best choice, next to Jason Lee, for the role of Fletch. But RR doesn’t seem to think so himself.

    Wow, you dispatched that crossing guard rather unceremoniously, didn’t you? So, will Christmas day feature zombie versions of all these dead Legos?

  10. apryl says:

    wow! i didn’t even recognize Berg in those pics!

    i’ve addicted to the Lego Holiday…in love with Barky.

  11. cougfan says:

    hey dave, you hear about that double homicide/suicide thing here in pullman?

  12. jodi says:

    Oh me too, I love Ryan Reynolds. There is nothing hotter than good humor.

  13. Pauly D says:

    I once met Ryan Reynolds in a 7-Eleven and he was holding Snowballs and I said to him, “Oh hey, snowballs” and he turned to me and said, “Yeah, Snowballs.”

    He had such an opportunity to be funny, but he wasn’t. Which just goes to show you that he’s only as funny as the writing.

  14. SJ says:

    Oh, PLEASE!!! Zombie Lego people for Christmas! I’ll never ask you for anything else, I swear.

    I would totally go gay in a New York heartbeat for Katee Sackhoff, who plays Starbuck on the new Battlestar Galactica. I even once had a sex dream about her. Although she’s pretty masculine, so maybe that’s not such a stretch.

  15. Devin says:

    First of all, let me say that your blog is the most refreshing, original, AWESOME thing I have seen in ages.

    Secondly, if proper credit were given to you, would you allow me to make 100×100 pixel-sized avatars for LiveJournal out of some of your cartoons? I should point out that I want to make the icons for other users to use as well, not just myself. However, I would highly stress the importance of them crediting your site.

  16. Dave2 says:

    You are free to create derivative works from anything on Blogography under the following conditions of my Creative Commons license:

    1) You are not a commercial site (i.e. you are not a business trying to sell something).

    2) You credit the original source (i.e. “blogography.com” appears somewhere in or near your usage).

    So have fun making icons! :-D

  17. Dave2 says:

    And so Pauly has totally solved the mystery… if Ryan Reynolds can’t make a joke about buying Snowballs, then I must think he is totally hot or something.

    Time to update my gay % points…

  18. Belinda says:

    The Ryan Reynolds thing might explain the whole Village People vibe to the Lego story. But when you’re right, you’re right.

    My gay crush would have to be Roma whatshername from Boston Legal (then Nip/Tuck). When pressed, and told he HAS to come up with someone, DH reluctantly supplies Sting as his gay crush.

    I remember seeing Ryan on Letterman, and them showing the “Men’s Health” shots (your second photo, I believe). He said that he had a trainer for that “Blade” movie, and that the abs “reverted to their original flabby state” about 10 minutes after the magazine’s photo shoot. Made me like him even more.

  19. karla says:

    oh.my.god. I alwyas thought he was funny but I had no IDEA that he has a BOD like THAT! Woof! Lickable! Um, I mean, likable. yeah, likable. Uhuh, yeah, that’s what i meant.

    nummy num num. Lucky Alanis Morisette getting to lick, uh, like, that.

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