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Max

Posted on Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005

Dave!More adventures at Hotel Max Seattle.

Last night I finally had to grab my earplugs around midnight because the inconsiderate bitch in the next room continued to play her television at full-volume when I was needing sleep. Oddly enough, the street traffic was obliterated, but I could still hear her television set (which is just behind my headboard around a paper-thin wall). Sometime in the middle of the night, I must have taken out the earplugs, because I was awakened at 5:30am by the shrill tones of the same inconsiderate bitch using push-to-talk on her radio/mobile phone.

Yeah, I wanted her dead pretty bad.

But the REAL adventure started when I decided to take a shower this morning. The bathroom is tiny, but the shower is so small that you could fit three of them in a phone booth. And the curtain is so dark that you can barely see what you are washing because light can't get in. I barely had room to move. My elbows were pinned to my sides. If I were to fart, I'd probably be shot out of the shower by the pressure. This made even simple acts... like pouring shampoo... really difficult.

And of course I dropped the mini shampoo bottle.

And then proceeded to bang my head HARD on the soap tray when I tried to pick it up. I hit so hard that I saw stars and got light-headed. I literally had to climb out of the show all wet and soapy so I could lay down on the bed and wait for the room to stop spinning.

And now I have a big welt on my head...

Hotel Max Seattle

This sucks ass! How am I supposed to get anything done with a raging headache? And I must have rattled my teeth, because my jaw aches too. Hotel Max Seattle sucks balls! And don't get me started over the new "Japanese-Fusion" restaurant on the property called "Red Fin". To give you an idea... they had natto on the breakfast menu. I wrote about natto here, but suffice to say that it is the most foul, horrifying substance on the planet which is meant to be edible. I can't fathom any Westerner wanting to put it in their mouth. I played it safe and just had the eggs and some strangely spicy potatoes.

And they don't even let you put your restaurant charges on your hotel bill, you have to pay separately.

I'm beginning to think that prisons must have better accommodations. Though bending over to pick up the mini shampoo bottle would have entirely different consequences I'm sure.


Categories: Travel 2005Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Kevin says:

    Sorry to hear about your head, man.

    And I thought that nothing would top the sheer tininess of the shower on my cruise. The size combined with the occasional swaying of the boat does not make for a fun shower experience.

    Ouch!

  2. Anthony says:

    Man that looks sore. There’s nothing worse than a small shower with those soap holder things. Especially metal ones.

  3. theMike says:

    This hasn’t very well been your month, has it?

  4. Dave2 says:

    No, it’s not my month… and November has only just started!

    I think a cruise ship shower is about double the size of the micro-shower coffin that they have at Max Hotel Seattle. When you factor in the massive size of the soap tray, I think it’s about the size of a bread box.

  5. delmer says:

    Dave, for your younger readers you may want to get in the habit of linking to images of such hard-to-find-anymore items as Phone Booths.

  6. Chaz says:

    I’ve figured it out! The reason why they have small showers is that it used to be a prison, and it was for the safety of the inmates that they built the showers so tiny. You see… small showers mean you can’t bend over, and if you can’t bend over, you can’t… well, you get my drift.

  7. jenny says:

    Lawsuit! You could’ve died from that soap rack! Once your lawyers are done, it’ll be known as the Hotel Dave Seattle. And then bloggers around the world will find a safe haven in Seattle. Finally.

  8. Oh my goodness… That picture is so “Awwwwwwwww” inducing. Poor baby.

  9. Dave2 says:

    The oddest part is that I wasn’t actually able to bend over to pick up the bottle… there simply wasn’t enough room. I kind of had to half-kneel and half-bend in order to grab it, which meant I couldn’t look where I was moving to. So while it might seem that I’m seven shades of clumsy, it didn’t have so much to do with me as it did the confined space.

  10. Belinda says:

    I’m sorry about your unfortunate shower experience, but I just have to thank you for saying “welt” instead of “whelp.” Maybe it’s a regional thing, but I’m always hearing people talking about injuring themselves so badly that they developed newborn puppies on various parts of their anatomy. Pet peeve, no pun intended.

  11. Art says:

    A mere soap tray could damage Wonder Woman? Say it aint so. And all the pre-occupation with getting the soap has me a little concerned. The percentage seems to be growing by the day; dude?

  12. girlonaglide says:

    I KNOW I shouldn’t be laughing Dave, but I am. Do know I’m sorry to hear of your misfortune. Will you be letting the hotel know they suck balls to the MAX?!?!

  13. Jackie says:

    Oh, wow. Good thing you didn’t slip and give yourself a FULL BODY bruise as well. :)

  14. karla says:

    OW! OW! OW!

    I’m wondering: Since it used to be the Hotel Vance that you liked, and is now this cheesy pseudo-trendy piece of crap…did they totally gut the interior and make the bathrooms and everything smaller? So as to fit in more rooms or something? Seems to not make sense.

  15. Harold says:

    Dave you were lucking you only hit the metal soap dish…that shampoo bottle you dropped could have landed standing up and you could have sat on it!
    That would give a whole new ending ( no pun intended) to the Alfred Hitchcock movie” Psycho”

  16. michaelsean says:

    Dude. Your melon took a serious blow. It should be worth a free bowl of natto or something.

  17. Belinda says:

    Have you happened upon Steve’s experience with natto in the archives of “Steve, Don’t Eat It?”

    http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_steve_dont_eat_it.php

  18. Peggy Archer says:

    Ouch, Dave!

    Sorry to hear about the bump on the noggin.

    It does suck when they try to make a good hotel ‘hip’.

  19. random reader says:

    i think the reason the showers are so tiny is because back in the day there were bathrooms for everyone to share on the floor! fun times…
    i heard that they had to make it work with what they had when they added bathrooms back in the day.

    love,
    random reader.

  20. Dave2 says:

    Yep… you are absolutely right. I have stayed at the Vance Hotel (before it was Max) many, many times… and they had bathrooms in strange places. Sometimes the toilet and shower were in separate rooms. Sometimes to make room for the plumbing they had to raise the floor. It was quirky, but cool. But in all those times of being a guest at the Vance, I was never shoved into a room with a shower so small. I don’t know if I’ve just been lucky for the past 10 years of staying there… OR if they re-sized the rooms to squeeze more in. In any event, they are simply too small for mere humans to use. I have stayed in tiny Japanese hotels with bigger showers than this. The least they could do is use curtains that let light in so that you aren’t showering in the dark! But they went for art more than practicality and comfort, which is a shame.

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