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Posted on Monday, November 7th, 2005

Dave!My sarcastic nature is forever getting me into trouble... mostly by people who think I'm serious about all the things I say. I had a girlfriend who once asked me "why do you always expect the worst?" to which I replied "years of conditioning." And, for the most part, that's true. When people, places, services, purchases, and everything else you encounter ends up sucking ass, you just come to expect it...

You expect your new Panasonic piece-of-crap DVD player will break after a week.

You expect the latest Rob Snider movie will be "stupid-stupid" instead of "stupid-funny."

You expect it to rain on your vacation.

You expect politicians to lie and break their promises.

You expect those french fries you just ordered will arrive all limp and greasy.

You expect that your hotel room will smell like ass and have funky stains on the sheets.

You expect that those penis enlargement pills you ordered off the internet won't really work... (ahem, or so I am guessing).

Continuous disappointment ends up conditioning you to expect the worst. Anything else is just a pleasant surprise. Call me a cynic, but I lead a much happier life by not getting my hopes up.

And, sure enough, that same girlfriend dumped me two days later to go back to her psychotic ex-boyfriend...

Psycho Bitch Breakup

Psycho Bitch Breakup

Psycho Bitch Breakup

Yes it was disappointing, but also not wholly unexpected, so life goes on.

But now something has changed for me. My new Macintosh PowerBook is supposed to ship out today, and I can't help but be excited. Heaven help me, I am actually expecting good things this time. My Aluminum PowerBook will arrive and be totally perfect. I will fall in love with the speed and all the fancy new features and get over the heartbreak of my faithful Titanium PowerBook dying. It will be everything I desire in a laptop computer and I will be happy.

Life is good.

Though knowing my luck, FedEx will probably lose my PowerBook during shipment or run over it with a truck or something.


Hey, I tried to be optimistic there for a minute.

Categories: Apple Stuff 2005, DaveLife 2005Click To It: Permalink


  1. ssp says:

    The great thing about expecting the worst is that you’re rarely disappointed.

  2. James says:

    I feel similar about the ‘waiting for new Powerbook’ and expecting it to be wonderful and fulfilling of all your hopes and dreams. I’m currently waiting for a new ipod video…and have hopes about its wonderfullness.

  3. Stick with cynicism… I’m a natural-born optimist and it never fails to break my heart.

  4. Dennis says:

    The new laptop I got before my most recent purchase this year came complete with a cluster of dead pixels (actually, they were stuck on white) that made the word “start” on the Windows taskbar look like a commonly used bit of profanity. At first I thought those truth-in-advertising laws were really getting strict. On the bright side, it took only two days for the relacement unit to arrive.

    Anyway, good luck on the new PowerBook. I haven’t mentioned it lately, but I’m now so in love with my PowerMac that I’m thinking of taking it to bed with me so I know nothing will happen to it when I’m asleep. Why, oh, why didn’t I buy one sooner?

  5. Belinda says:

    I’m already having to send in my new Dell (I know) laptop because the stupid “L” key flipped off. So every ‘L’ you see here is the result of a herculean effort to mash that squishy little plastic thing just right. Be impressed that I like you this much.

    And can I have your old Powerbook? I don’t think you tried hard enough to resuscitate it.

    And your cartoon made me very, very sad, especially the last panel. I am sad now. Sad and insomniac. *sigh*

    And you didn’t GO to a Rob Snider movie, did you? It’s a “joke”, like the penis pills, right? For the love of all that is good in this world, YOU DID NOT ATTEND A ROB SNIDER MOVIE?!?


  6. Chaz says:

    I must say I’m a bit jealous. You’re the second person that I know of who’s getting a super-spiffy new laptop. Right now, I can’t warrant getting a new laptop, and I just don’t have the money. However, I do have CompleteCare from Dell so maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll “accidentally” drop my laptop somewhere or spill kerosene on it and have it burst into flames.

    In any case, I hope you enjoy your new PowerBook; I know that getting a new computer makes me feel like a little kid in a candy shop!

  7. Big Len and Mark says:

    Yo bra, me and my friend found your site by accident when I accidently typed in black people on google. You have a lot of reviews on your blog, have you ever watched Dog the Bounty Hunter or Criss Angel: MINDFREAK!? They’re the two best shows on TV. You fuckin rule. write back if youre a real person.

  8. Dave2 says:

    I thought I was a real person… but then I got your comment and am not so sure.

    In any event, yes, I have seen both “Dog” and “Mindfreak.” I like “The Bountyhunter” okay and catch it where I can… but Criss Angel is too “Fear Factor” for me and I don’t watch very often (though some of his illusions I have seen are kick-ass amazing).

    I hope you accidentally found what you were accidentally looking for when you accidentally Googled me… though I have no idea what that might be.

  9. Dave2 says:

    Turns out my PowerBook was delayed. It didn’t ship yesterday as expected… I guess that will teach me to get my hopes up ever again. 🙁

  10. Kevin says:

    Sorry man. I really do feel for you. But, being a cynic myself, I know what you mean.

    And I nearly cried looking at that cartoon. Heartbreaking (literally and figuratively).

  11. Dave2 says:

    There, there… you’ll be okay. And don’t worry, Dave is a real bastard and totally deserved to be dumped!

  12. Neil T. says:

    In your drawings, were your ex-girlfriend’s boobs drawn to scale? Just wondering…

  13. HeideH says:

    Neil T, I’m so glad I’m not the only one to wonder if her boobs were REALLY that big!!!

  14. Dave2 says:

    Objects in cartoons may appear larger than they are (in real life).

    Kind of like things in my imagination.

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