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Posted on Friday, October 7th, 2005

Dave!Guys like to look at naked women.

This should come as no surprise to anybody, and it's not really our fault... we're just built that way. Women probably look at this as a defect, but I prefer to see it as part of our charm. In any event, if the ladies are okay with showing their naked body to a bunch of neanderthals at a strip club... isn't their right to bump and grind guaranteed by The Constitution or something?

Well, not according to the prude dumbasses on the Seattle City Council. Now, instead of some erotically innocent drunken fun, there are stupid rules to follow...

  • Patrons must remain 4-feet from the performers at all time.
  • A 3-foot railing must be installed between the patrons and performers at the indicated distance.
  • No touching or direct tipping is allowed.
  • All clubs must install better lighting.

Which pretty much takes all the fun out of going to a strip club. Those heady days of anonymously heading out to a dark and seedy joint for a drink*, lap-dance, and stuffing a G-string with twenties are gone... at least in Seattle. That sucks ass!

Dave Stripper

And before you go all "but Dave, strip clubs are exploiting women!" I have to heartily disagree. The clearer thinker will realize that it is actually the MEN who are being exploited... for their cash. Women throw boobies in our faces and, as if by magic, our money disappears. We go home happy and poor. The ladies go home happy and wealthy.

Everybody is happy.

But not anymore. Not in Seattle.

So let's look at this for what it REALLY is... an effort by local government to tell us how to live our lives and drive strip clubs out of business. So congratulations Seattle! A harmless activity between consenting adults has just been BANNED by people who think that THEIR morals and way of life should be YOUR morals and way of life. And America loses just a little bit more of her freedom because people in power don't want for you to be free... they want you to look, act, talk, worship, and be entertained exactly like they do.

I don't care whether you agree or disagree with a woman's right to get naked for money... the big picture here is that legislation like this is only the beginning. How long will it be before movie theaters aren't allowed to show R-rated movies? How long will it be before museums can't display works of art that contain nudity? How long will it be before libraries won't be able to carry children's books that show unclothed animals? How long will it be before wearing a bikini is a crime?

And you can just forget about Boobie-Thon.

Where does it stop?

The answer is... it doesn't. The morons of the "Moral Majority" will not stop until everything they consider to be "morally improper" has been eliminated. Stopped. Banned. Destroyed. Gone.

And that's not right. That's not America.

America is having a cold beer after a long hot day in a darkened club with a fist full of bills and a total stranger's boobies in your face. Fortunately you can still find this American dream but, if you live in Seattle, you now have to drive up to Canada to get to it. Sadly, that's yet another trade imbalance for our economy to deal with... we're even exporting bare breasts now.

I weep for a future where guys can't see fine American boobies in a country that was founded so that they could do just that. Seattle mayor Greg Nickels (along with council members Jan Drago, Richard McIver, Jim Compton, David Della and Richard Conlin) can kiss my ass. F#@% all of you America-hating bitches.


* The only drinks you can order at a Seattle strip-club are of the non-alcoholic variety. You have to be sure you are drunk enough to lose your shame, but not so drunk you get bounced, BEFORE entering the club. Just another helpful tip from your friends at Blogography!

Categories: DaveLife 2005Click To It: Permalink


  1. Peggy Archer says:

    I’ll agree that it is amazingly stupid to legislate morality, and I’m baffled as to why we continue to attempt it, even though by now we should know it can’t work.

    I’ll also agree that this whole thing starts to set a nasty precedent about censorship in a supposedly free society.

    I’m not making this up: My niece goes to school in a small midwestern town, and the local church tried to pull all copies of “The Diary of Anne Frank” from the school’s library. Why? Because the book states that you should respect other people’s beliefs even if you don’t share them.

    On the lighter side:

    Have you considered that the rail is there so the strippers don’t fall off their super high heels and put someone’s eye out with a crisply folded twenty?

  2. Dave2 says:

    Which is just a nice way of saying that they were Anti-Semitic, and didn’t want a book with a person of Jewish faith as the sympathetic hero. Sad.

    I’d say the rail is there so that the poor girl can’t get a crisply-folded twenty in the first place! If there’s no money in it… what girl is going to want to be a stripper? Equally sad.

  3. Ben says:

    “All clubs must install better lighting.”

    Heehee. That’s going to be a real good idea. Have you seen ‘Closer’ with Nat. Portman? That was a good movie.

  4. Brandon says:

    I think that this law, surprisingly, doesn’t come so much from the moral majority right as it comes from the liberal, touchy feely, let’s not offend or exploit anybody, left (I’m very liberal but I’m not a bleeding heart liberal). Although I’m sure the moral majority is right there with them.

    Isn’t it funny that Washington is like the most liberal state in the nation and yet we have some of the worst blue laws that there are. The liquor laws are Pennsylvania backward and zoning laws for strip clubs and adult stores are Christian Coalition weird.

    It’s weird how when you go so far one way on the liberal/conserviative scale it eventually goes too far and kind of overlaps, but for different reasons.

  5. SJ says:

    Good God almighty!!! I would never have guessed Seattle was part of the Bible Belt. How archaically Puritanical can you get?!?!

    Thank God I live in a liberal state.

  6. Annette says:

    Hmmm… I never figured Seattle as being straighter than Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where I had a spectacular evening at Ladies Nite in a male strip club… great lap dances : )

  7. Art says:

    Isn’t it funny how more and more the “left” and the “right” are ending up on the same side of issues. Personally I think that if you’re a career politician then your crooked as crooked can be. Mother F**ckers. We need a legitimate third party that might actually listen to their constituents.

  8. Dangit… And I was just about to quit my day job to move to Seattle and become a stripper!

  9. Alessandra says:

    You should go to a strip club in Brazil…. that’s the real fun!

  10. Kevin says:

    Okay, I have been to strip clubs in the Quarter in New Orleans, and, let me tell you, better lighting is the last thing I want. Yikes!

    It is sad that local governments don’t trust us to be able to decide for ourselves whether we can go to strip clubs or not and be able to decide, based on our own inate “morality” whether this is a good thing or not.

    Let them eat cake!!!!

    Oh, and Dave, you’re referring to yourself in the plural again. If you’re making clones of yourself, I’d like a little warning.

  11. Emily says:

    Yeah… They tried to enact that ordinance here in Louisville, KY.(Well, I think that technically, they DID.) The policy at most strip clubs however, has been a don’t ask, don’t tell situation. It takes so much money away from the girls and the club, to enact an ordinance like this, based on the fanatical ravings of a group of people who have probably never even been to a “gentlemen’s club”. I think if they went, they may just change their minds…;)

  12. ChillyWilly says:

    Wow… I should treasure the one time I visited a strip club in Seattle…. the one downtown that featured “50 beautiful women and 3 ugly ones.”

    Anyway, I agree 100% with your post. Living in a state that follows the “heel to toe” moral majority, I never expected that a place as open-minded as Seattle would pass such a law. Guess minds are closing, at least at the lawmaker and government level, there in the Pacific Northwest.

    How soon before Vegas is the only place you can go for a real lap dance?

    “happy and poor” and loving it (to paraphrase a line by Maxwell Smart – R.I.P. Don Adams)

  13. J says:

    Time to come out of your cave,,grunt grunt

  14. :: Wendy :: says:

    Can we have more male stip joints pleased. I think I’m being discriminated against by not having the variety of choice to find well lit placy where visually appealing healthy young men take their clothes off under bright lights.

  15. Erik says:

    Travel down to Portland. Great “steakhouses” there like Acropolis and Club 205 and some others. Washington clubs suck now.

  16. Well, I’m probably going to take some heat for this, but who cares?

    Not sure what was behind the legislation, and I’m on the fence about “women’s rights” or even their perceived “liberation” regarding stripping.

    What I do know is that those women that choose it don’t want to be groped, attacked, or in any danger. That could be what the legislation was about.

    What on the surface seems like an “all in good fun” act for everyone, too often turns violent for strippers either during or after hours. See, there’s this weird thing that happens to men, while drinking, and viewing a woman gyrating for their money. They start to feel a bit ENTITLED, and they seem to lose contact with the fact that the body is attached to a head, a soul, and a heart. Not all, of course. But enough.

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