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Lossless

Posted on Thursday, October 6th, 2005

Dave!Alrighty then! So far as I can tell, I've just watched my last episodes of Lost and Alias!

Lost is just ridiculous. They refuse to wrap up mysteries and move on to something new. It's just the same crap over and over and over again. Locke's flashback episode from last year had one of the coolest plot twists and fascinating reveals ever to air on television. What do we get for THIS season's Locke episode? NOTHING! We learn that he had issues with his father and that he dated Katy Sagal. THAT'S IT!! And then there's all the long, drawn-out angst and drama with absolutely no substance. Locke and Jack argue about PUSHING A F#@%ING BUTTON for like, TEN MINUTES!! Who gives a crap about PUSHING A BUTTON?!?

  • Locke: PUSH IT! PUSH THE BUTTON!!
  • Jack: I don't wanna push it, you push it.
  • Locke: I NEED YOU TO PUSH IT!
  • Jack: We don't even know if it does anything. I'm not pushing it.
  • Locke: I can't do it alone... YOU MUST PUSH THE BUTTON!!
  • Jack: NO! I'M NOT GOING TO PUSH THE BUTTON!
  • Locke: We're a team... PUSH THE BUTTON JACK! PUSH THE BUTTON!!
  • Jack: I am NOT PUSHING THAT BUTTON!!!
  • (repeat until stupid...)

WTF? Seriously, that's the best we're going to get? And how many f#@%ing times are we going to see flashbacks of how everybody got down the hatch? It wasn't exciting THE FIRST TIME!

And then look at next week's previews... everybody's going to be arguing and getting all dramatic over FOOD. This might have been interesting if everybody was shown to be starving for the past five episodes. But oh no... food is never mentioned. Now, next week, COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE food is going to make for a lot of senseless yelling and screaming. Not because it moves the story forward, but because the writers seem to think that yelling and screaming is entertaining television...

  • Charlie: I know you ate the Twinkie.
  • Hurley: I did not eat the Twinkie.
  • Charlie: Dude, I saw you eat the Twinkie!!
  • Hurley: Dude, there was NO TWINKIE!
  • Charlie: Give me a Twinkie Hugo!
  • Hurley: Dude, I don't have no Twinkies!
  • Charlie: GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE ME A TWINKIEEEEE!!!!
  • Hurley: NO! I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A TWINKIE DUDE!!
  • (repeat until stupid...)

Well, whatever... I'm done. Unless Evangeline Lilly starts walking around topless, I just don't care. If they ever bother to answer any ACTUAL F#@%ING QUESTIONS SO WE CAN MOVE ON TO SOMETHING NEW and stop milking the same old crap, somebody let me know.

Alias is almost as bad. I sit back in total amazement wondering what happened to one of my favorite shows. The first two seasons were miraculous. Mind-blowing spy intrigue that simply didn't let up. Watching an episode of Alias was like running a marathon where you were totally exhausted at the end, yet begging for more. Now, everything that made the show so cool is gone. It's just GONE.

Sydney's undercover operations in exotic locations? GONE! The Rimbaldi mystery? GONE! Competition with Anna Espinosa? GONE! A worthy bad guy? GONE! A secret double-life to hide from friends? GONE! And keep in mind here... it's not like they wrapped up all these things and then moved on to something even more interesting. Oh no. They just abandoned them and went on to stories far less entertaining (like last season's "zombie" episodes). Alias is just a run-of-the-mill, wanna-be action drama now. I keep expecting Steven Segall to guest star.

I'm not saying that the show has to stay the exact same all the time (that would make it Lost), I'm just saying that you can't expect people to stick around while the writers rest on their laurels and take the easy way out at every opportunity. I was hoping that the nifty cliffhanger would have Michael Vaughn turn out to be evil or something cool. Instead, they set up a potentially delicious new direction for the show... then dump it without consequence.

Well, whatever... I've had enough. If it ends up being Vaughn in the cryo-chamber or something interesting, somebody let me know.

I blame my impatience and dissatisfaction on Veronica Mars. If Veronica wasn't so frickin' amazing... illustrating how GOOD television can actually be... I might be content with the latest crapfest coming out of Lost and Alias. Instead, JJ Abrams can suck it. Get off your ass and FIX YOUR LAME-ASS SHOWS!!


Categories: Television 2005Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Patrick says:

    Yep, couldn’t agree more on Lost. They keep on introducing new “mysteries” and if they ever wrap the old ones up, they tend to be ridiculously simple – it’s like ABC is bitch slapping the audience.
    I’m dropping it – CSI:Miami is almost more compelling to watch…

  2. Alessandra says:

    I think I’ll have to agree with you about Lost. Last season was great, then I was reaaaly disappointed w/ the season premiere. Why they wasted one hour trying to remind us what happened?? First of all, we know what happended, we spent all summer online trying to figure out what those @*#^$ numbers are! Second, I felt like the whole first season was a waste of time, ’cause they pretty much showed the whole thing in one hour.
    This season is not near as good as the last one. I’m sooo over Jack and Locke…
    Where’s Charlie? Where’s the French Woman? Where is the moster?????

    Well, at least I still have Grissom…

  3. Randy says:

    I have watched Lost for a total of 20 minutes…But I DID see the “push the button”…yeah great writing…

    I still don’t understand why the FAT guy is STILL FAT…(has he been eating people or something?)

  4. mrjerz says:

    I started to write a big diatribe against Alias, which I’ve done ad nauseum in other places, but blew it off. I haven’t watched since midway through last season. After season three, they were on a very short leash, and I’ve abandoned that show forever now. I won’t even stay in the room if someone is watching it. And I don’t even like Garner anymore because of that crap. What a horrendous waste.

  5. delmer says:

    The Stealth Bomber beneath the Jet had a Steven Seagal feel to it (am I thinking of Executive Decision?)

    Vaugh in the crypto chamber? That would be good.

    I didn’t realize he was leaving the show. I didn’t beleive he was really killed — despite the multiple chest wounds.

    Until I saw he wasn’t in the credits.

  6. lizriz says:

    HEAR, HEAR.

    Although I will admit I’m still watching LOST. Ever the optimist.

  7. lizriz says:

    OH OH OH

    And how could you not mention the scene with Jack and Desmond in the jungle? Like, why was he even crying? I was totally like, what is going on? I didn’t understand why he was having a breakdown about it just then.

    Perhaps you’ve managed to banish that scene from your memory.

    Lucky.

  8. Harold says:

    I think you would enjoy “LOST” like I do, if you had similar things happen to you, like which has happened to me….I was in a plane crash (1966) well maybe not a crash, but we hit a big air pocket, and I came one number away from winning the Wash. State Lotto a few years ago, and my wife’s middle name is Kate. And the main thing I have in common with TV show “LOST” is that at my age I have many flash-backs!

  9. Liz says:

    Amen on Lost. I was going to try and get my old VCR working to tape it every week, but I’m beginning to think it’s not worth it. Last season was really a great show with good acting, good writing, and great storytelling. This year, it just seems like one big jumbled mess of a re-hash. I’m holding out hope, but not for much longer.

  10. SJ says:

    I’ve got all this season’s “Lost” episodes waiting on my DVR, but haven’t yet watched a single one. Reading all this makes me reluctant to do so.

    And I may be one of the few people in the country who’s never seen even one episode of “Alias.” Guess I won’t start now!

  11. Pauly D says:

    I got to this post way late, linking to it from your newest one, but I totally agree with you on this. THIS SHOW IS KILLING ME.

    Alias, is also horrible. I went out and bought the first three seasons on DVD — I didn’t even grab the newest season cause it was just so boring, and please, zombies?!

    Zombies on Alias has to be the jumping the shark moment if you ask me.

  12. jenx says:

    Never watched Lost until this weekend…rented the whole first season, watched it marathon style. Then hopped on the net and read episode recaps for Season 2.

    Frankly, if I had tried to watch it week-to-week, I would have given up. In 23 episodes, almost nothing was revealed, and too many times I’d start to formulate a guess about things, and then the reality (writing) would point in a totally different and INFINITLY LAMER direction. I guess I’ll read the online recaps, but I’ll never watch another episode.

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