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Posted on Tuesday, July 12th, 2005

Dave!Here's yet another "I don't usually post story links here, but this one is just too disturbing" type entries.

Over at Boing Boing, they came up with a scary link about a trend in Photoshopping little girls to make them look more "angelic." This is not a little touch-up here and there, it's more like an entirely new painting of your child, but dressed like a prostitute with big, pouty lips and enormous manga-style eyes that look like they're made of glass.

I think it makes them look like "Dead Hooker Babies" and it scares the crap out of me...

Hooker Babies

WTF?!? I mean, these people DO realize how many perverted child-molesting freaks are out there... don't they? Why would you invite their attention by doing this to your child? Even more puzzling, what parent would want to turn their kid into a hooker Barbie doll? What am I missing here?

This got me curious as to what I might look like as a Dead Hooker Baby. Probably something like Jared Leto (but without his charisma and acting talent)...

Dave Hooker Baby

Or maybe Chris Rock (but without his brilliant sense of humor, millions of dollars, or hottie wife)...

Dave Hooker Baby

Or even Pamela Anderson (but without her, well, you know)...

Dave Hooker Baby

The mind boggles. And now I'm going to see if I can squeeze in one or two hours of sleep before I have to go back to work. Bleh.

Categories: DaveLife 2005Click To It: Permalink


  1. mrjerz says:

    Bosoms! I swear you meant to say her bosoms. Actually, this is incredibly weird. Making a business by making other kids look like Jon Benet is completely freaking weird. Shoot them all.

  2. Aravis says:

    That’s just sick. What the hell is wrong with people? They don’t even look real…

  3. Brandon says:

    Damn you Dave! I’m going to have nightmares tonight because of those freaky little girls and their freaky big eyes. I’ve been having trouble sleeping anyway and now this!

  4. ISA says:

    Yeah, thats pretty sick, took me a little while there to gather my thoughts, what is more disturbing though was scrolling down and seeing Dave with those gorgeous eyes and pouty lips, real sexy Dave!

  5. Rob says:

    Now I’m gonna to have nightmares. Although Dave, you do look kinda sexy all made up like Pamela Anderson.

  6. Michelle says:

    That is really disturbing. Imagine though if you saw a kid walking down the street that looked like one of them. That’d freak you out even more. Remember when you were young and you always changed your mind about what you wanted to be when you’re older – I hope these kids haven’t listed ‘hooker’ as one of these! Geez, I hope they don’t know what a hooker is at that age!

  7. Sayuri says:

    They look like weird aliens. Why would you want your child to look like that?

  8. habitatgirl says:

    Your photoshopped dead hooker baby face is actually kind of hot. But I feel like going all feminist about how women and even girls are objectified and valued for their plasticky perfection. That’s why you see shit like this. Notice that there are no boy dead hooker babies? What is Pam Anderson but a grown up dead hooker baby? I realize that you are responsible for none of that and your post is funny as hell.

  9. Missy says:

    Why, why, why(!) did you have to distract me with that pic of Jared?? How am I supposed to get any work done now? He’s my Elizabeth Hurley.

  10. Kevin says:

    Aside from the obvious Jon Benet Ramsey reference (thanks mrjerz for not making me the only one to think of that), all I can think of when I see your “Dead Hooker Babies” is the video for “Come to Daddy” by Aphex Twin.

    My skin is crawling.

  11. SJ says:

    They look like the kids in “Children of the Damned.” [shudder]

  12. andrea says:

    yes, it’s creepy… but how do you DO that???

  13. Janet says:

    Are you sure they’re (gulps) real??

    (Pokes uncertainly at powerbook screen)

    More importantly, are you sure they won’t come out of the screen in the middle of the night…?

  14. WTF indeed. It reminds me of this thing they have at FAO Schwartz, where you can create and order a doll that looks just like you (or whoever). While R was in the bathroom, I made one that looked just like him. Super creepy. We’re going back to NYC next week & I DEFINITELY plan another visit. It’s on my permanent must-see list. Forever.

  15. Matty says:

    jeez….anything for a buck..what a disturbing business to run..

  16. Pageant Mom says:

    What gets me, when you refer to perverts out there, is what made YOU seek these little girls out? Things that make you go hmmmm. And as far as the size of their eyes, if you knew anything about pageant photography, you would know their eyes WEREN’T enlarged, just some touchups to make them APPEAR larger. Hollywood, glamour magazines do it all the time. And as far as what these children want to do, if you spent a little time around them (you NEVER could, because you yourself look like a creep and a pervert and have an obvious issue with beautiful woman in general. Could you not get dates when you were younger. Did you get “fake phone numbered” by someone like me? If not, I would have fake numbered you, and if you ever came to a pageant a very large pageant mom or dad would kick your creepy ass out and if you were lucky you wouldn’t get pummeled in the parking lot). Woman that have a problem with this, 9 times out of 10 are UGLY women (thank you “Miss Congeniality” for that giggle). You see, I was a pageant contestant growning up, and a pageant mom now. I loved them, my child adores them, and if creep like you shows up, we are very protective of our child and you will find your ass a hurtin out in the parking lot. These children are perfectly safe, and if I hear one more reference to little Jon-Benet I will THROW-UP! She was NOT murdered because she was in pageants, or played soccer, or rode her bike or because she was a pretty little girl. She was murdered because their is a sicko out there still roaming free. That is what you need to worry about. Not what hobbies our children participate in.

  17. Dave2 says:

    Your comment had me so puzzled that I actually had to go back and read what I had written to find out what you were talking about.

    First of all, I did not “seek out these children” as you say… I clearly state that I had seen a story on Photoshopping children at Boing Boing and found it odd that anybody would want to grotesquely alter a photograph of their child in this way. Aren’t their children beautiful to them just as they are?

    Second of all, I never mentioned Jon-Benet, nor did I mention anything about pageants, and so I have no idea what in the heck you are talking about. It’s difficult for me to respond to criticisms you’ve made on stuff I never said.

    The fact that you are inventing all this clearly shows that you are the one with issues here. Next time why not take out your frustrations on somebody who actually wrote about pageants instead of somebody who never even mentioned the word?

    Superficial people like you who can judge so harshly based on appearance alone makes me very sad. When I look back through your comment and see all the vile speculation and hateful condemnation, I feel sorry for your child. I hope very much that they continue to live up to your idea of physical beauty, because I cannot imagine how horrible their life would be if they didn’t.

  18. Avitable says:

    Boy, Dave, between the Bette post and this one, the crazy cunts are coming out of the woodwork today.

  19. Dave2 says:

    Actually, I didn’t mind the “Bette!” comment at all. The webmaster for that site had specific criticism over something I actually wrote, and I was able to reply and get it all sorted out. Now it’s all good, and there are no hard feelings on either side.

    But when somebody rails on me for things I didn’t even say… what can I do? I have no problem if somebody who doesn’t even know me wants to call me an ugly creep. But having somebody put words in my mouth so they can rant about totally unrelated stuff… well, I don’t understand that at all.

  20. Avitable says:

    Good point. But the Bette one didn’t get your sense of humor at all.

  21. Tanvir says:

    Lol Hmmmm ^_^… got a little confused back there. I am OK!!! Hmm.. pageant moms should have more humors ^_^???

  22. Samantha says:

    I fully agree with you! Children should be children as long as they can. I think it’s wrong to put a ton of make-up on them and make them look like you said ” Dead Hooker Babies”!

  23. kaypii says:

    AAAGHHHH!!!! *runs away*

  24. Temmy_pants says:

    When I first saw the pictures I thought they were life like dolls. Nevertheless I think it looks cute, and they do not look like hookers, just little girls that have a bit too much make-up on.

  25. Adge says:

    I can’t believe almost three years later I find this entry. That “Dead Hooker Baby” label had me laughing like a madwoman all day at work. Hilarious.

    And yes, those girls all appear freaky looking.

  26. Mcheyhey says:

    Just found this in 2010 (must’ve wondered if we’ll make it to 2010 back in 2005, didn’t we?) and I’m bloody shocked just the same.

    Little girls and make-up should only meet when the little girl found Mommy’s lipstick, mashed it up all over her face and she’s hiding under the bed in case Mommy gets angry.

    Having a child altered in any way till she resembles a Mattel-manufactured product is so wrong on so many levels.

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