"I never meant to hurt you" she said as she turned and walked to the door. "I never meant to hurt anybody."

And she was gone.

A part of me wanted to believe her, but rational thought eventually triumphed. In truth, she probably didn't set out to hurt me. She just didn't care. That's all that really mattered, but my mind surged onward in hopes of finding deeper meaning where none existed. My hand instinctively wandered up to my chest in a sad attempt to feel if my heart were broken. Again. Breathing deeply now, all I feel is the scar tissue of past traumas. A little battered... a bit bruised perhaps... but life beats on.

Time passes yet I sit unmoving. Let the world run forward into its uncertain future, I will have none of it.

Here in the past I am safe.

This pain will heal. Eventually. Why should I seek out a new heartache to replace it?

Shouldn't I be more careful?

Shouldn't this be enough?

I wonder if that girl from the mini-mart is seeing anybody?

Dave's Crappy Life Journal — 1993