Yesterday morning I awoke to discover that I had somehow gouged my right eyeball in the middle of the night. The most likely explanation is that my contact lens tore as I removed it, and a small piece got stuck in my eye. It was painful, yet not overbearingly so... a handful of ibuprofen managed to get me through the day.

Then this morning I awoke at 1:00am in searing pain. I'm assuming that I was rubbing my irritated eye in the middle of the night, worsening the injury. This time I took no chancres. I flushed it continuously with saline then looked in every nook and cranny with a flashlight. There was nothing there, but the damage had already been done. I was in agony as I stared at a computer screen while my eye was weeping all day long. It was uncomfortable to the extreme, and seemed to last an eternity.

But eventually I made my way home and took a break from computers for a while. That plus another handful of ibuprofen got the pain under control and I found my desire to live again.

UNTIL I WAS PULLING A STACK OF DVDs OFF THE SHELF JUST NOW AND HAD ONE SLIDE OFF AND STAB ME IN THE FACE... SCRATCHING THAT SAME EYEBALL... AGAIN!

And I thought I was in pain before.

I am fully of the opinion that any time you hurt a part of your body it becomes a frickin' magnet for further injury. Sprain your wrist, and you'll be bumping it all day long. Cut your finger, and you'll be smashing it in the door soon after. Get kicked in the balls and... well... you get the idea. I should have known better and worn my pirate eyepatch today, but I just wasn't that smart.

And so here I am, squinting through the tears trying to write today's blog entry.

Apparently I am in desperate need of dumbass warnings to protect me from myself...

   
I hate to be a whiner, BUT IT BURNS! IT BURNS SO BAD!

The only thing that could make this any worse would be if my headache came back...

   
   
SON - OF - A - BITCH!

Before I left for Seattle last week, I sprained my right-hand ring finger. Not only did it hurt like hell, but I am having to wear a splint on it for the next couple months to avoid getting a mallet finger. Next week I'm hoping to find time to visit the doctor and make sure I don't need surgery or physical therapy (which would make a sucky situation even suckier).

But why stop there? On Tuesday I pulled a muscle in my back. About the only thing I can do to avoid pain is to lay flat and not move. This is highly impractical, because driving a car requires one to sit up. And so I spend my days doped up on pain-killers while attempting to find a sitting position at my desk which won't bring me to tears.

But why stop there? This morning as I was attempting to get into my car with as little back-trauma as possible, I smacked the side of my head into the door frame. The hit was so hard that I fell into my seat stunned and seeing stars. Suddenly my back didn't feel quite so bad. Something tells me that this is a headache that will be around for a few days.

But why stop there? Limping along with my splinted finder, aching back, throbbing head, and in a pain-killer-induced haze, I managed to step wrong on my foot tonight while climbing stairs. So now I've got a sprained left ankle as well.

What's next?

Well, I've still got hips that are in pretty good shape, so I'm guessing I'll be run over in the street tomorrow morning so I can get me a fractured pelvis.

If everything happens for a reason, I'm sure there's some kind of master plan at work here.

Or I'm being tortured.

Either way, I'm assuming that I've got a rough couple of weeks ahead of me.