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Posted on Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

Dave!And so I was craving a cheese sandwich.

But I didn't have any bread or cheese at home, which meant a trip to the grocery store after work. This was a huge mistake for oh so many reasons. It was crappy outside because it snowed today... Then the roads were crowded because it was 5:00... Then the store was packed because everybody was off work...

Then I got in the wrong checkout lane.

And I mean seriously the wrong lane. And things only went downhill from there.

  • The elderly couple ahead of me didn't understand the concept of "buy two get one free" which resulted in a lengthy argument. This does not mean that buying ONE can of carrots gets you 1/3 off the price. Hence the "buy two" part of the offer.
  • They also didn't understand the concept of "sale limit four" which resulted in an even bigger argument because they saw no reason why they shouldn't be able to get six cases of Pepsi since there were two of them. In fact, they thought they were being less than greedy because they were entitled to EIGHT cases.
  • This argument was solved by each of them buying three cases separately.
  • Which they wanted to pay for with a single check.
  • The store offers a 5¢ rebate for each recyclable "green" shopping bag you bring back to re-use. But the elderly couple ahead of me had forgotten their bags in the car. So the entire lane of impatient people had to wait while the old man ran to the car to retrieve their bags so they could get their 20¢ rebate.
  • And when I say "ran" I don't mean "ran quickly" because, well, you know...
  • As I was waiting for the old man to get back with his bags, the woman behind me thought it would speed things up if she rammed her shopping cart into me. When I turned around to ask what the fuck her problem was, she glared at me and said "Can we hurry this up?"
  • I wanted to say "You think this is MY fault? I'm not even to the register yet!" but I was feeling the spirit of the holidays so I said "fuck you."
  • No... wait a second... I got that backwards. I didn't say "fuck you" to her.
  • I said "fuck you" to the douchebag in the parking lot that honked his horn at me as I was trying to skirt around a vast reservoir of water and slushy ice that had formed in front of the store.
  • I then had to follow somebody going 20MPH in a 35MPH zone driving home.

All in all, a pretty shitty day for Dave2.

The cheese sandwich was awesome though.

Categories: DaveLife 2010Click To It: Permalink


  1. Jeff says:

    A good cheese sandwich can counteract all sorts of shitty day stuff.

    I’m glad you had a good cheese sandwich day.

    I’ve had a kinda shitty day- Oh! I know, can you make me a cheese sandwich? I’d be forever grateful….

  2. LeSombre says:

    Dear Dave2,

    I feel your pain. I really do. In fact, I might reuse your post to craft one of my own.

    To quote Spaceballs: “I’m surrounded by assholes”.

  3. RW says:

    I am never… never…. EVER… visiting Washington.


  4. the muskrat says:

    That only covered an hour or so…I’m sure the rest of the day was awesome, right?

  5. Lisa says:

    There’s a special place in he’ll for shopping cart rammers, right next to those who use baby strollers as weapons.

  6. Megan says:

    Welcome to my week. I may sleep through Christmas.

  7. B.E. Earl says:

    We have these self-checkout lanes at my local market. Pretty much frees my world from incompetent old folks. They are too afraid of the technology.

  8. sizzle says:

    Thank goodness the cheese sandwich was good!

    I have bad line karma. I’m wary of visiting Safeway after work today but I figure I can make a game out of it. “Guess each person’s story” game gets me through long lines. That and Words with Friends on my iPhone.

    Happy holidays, Dave!

  9. Göran says:

    You should’ve slaughtered them. It worked in Evil Dead 🙂

  10. Sybil Law says:

    Oh, great. I’m going to the store in a few – I’m sure I’ll have a story to match yours…

  11. Suebob says:

    There should be an “IQ of 80 or less” line at the grocery store.

  12. Poppy says:

    Now I want a cheese sandwich. DAMMIT.

  13. martymankins says:

    I think I need to try that “spirit of the holidays” reply. Fuck You! Works on so many levels.

    I’ve been in lines like that. I’ve learned over the years that the shortest line is hardly ever the quickest.

    Do they have self checkout at the store you go to? It’s not a bad thing at our local Harmon’s.

    Thank goodness for cheese sandwiches. And pudding, of course (you did remember the pudding, right?) 🙂

    Happy Holidays. I look forward to more great posts of yours in 2011.

  14. Tina says:

    love angry Dave2 stories.

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