And so I was craving a cheese sandwich.
But I didn't have any bread or cheese at home, which meant a trip to the grocery store after work. This was a huge mistake for oh so many reasons. It was crappy outside because it snowed today... Then the roads were crowded because it was 5:00... Then the store was packed because everybody was off work...
Then I got in the wrong checkout lane.
And I mean seriously the wrong lane. And things only went downhill from there.
- The elderly couple ahead of me didn't understand the concept of "buy two get one free" which resulted in a lengthy argument. This does not mean that buying ONE can of carrots gets you 1/3 off the price. Hence the "buy two" part of the offer.
- They also didn't understand the concept of "sale limit four" which resulted in an even bigger argument because they saw no reason why they shouldn't be able to get six cases of Pepsi since there were two of them. In fact, they thought they were being less than greedy because they were entitled to EIGHT cases.
- This argument was solved by each of them buying three cases separately.
- Which they wanted to pay for with a single check.
- The store offers a 5¢ rebate for each recyclable "green" shopping bag you bring back to re-use. But the elderly couple ahead of me had forgotten their bags in the car. So the entire lane of impatient people had to wait while the old man ran to the car to retrieve their bags so they could get their 20¢ rebate.
- And when I say "ran" I don't mean "ran quickly" because, well, you know...
- As I was waiting for the old man to get back with his bags, the woman behind me thought it would speed things up if she rammed her shopping cart into me. When I turned around to ask what the fuck her problem was, she glared at me and said "Can we hurry this up?"
- I wanted to say "You think this is MY fault? I'm not even to the register yet!" but I was feeling the spirit of the holidays so I said "fuck you."
- No... wait a second... I got that backwards. I didn't say "fuck you" to her.
- I said "fuck you" to the douchebag in the parking lot that honked his horn at me as I was trying to skirt around a vast reservoir of water and slushy ice that had formed in front of the store.
- I then had to follow somebody going 20MPH in a 35MPH zone driving home.
All in all, a pretty shitty day for Dave2.
The cheese sandwich was awesome though.