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Posted on Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Dave!My air conditioner came with a remote control. That's pretty sweet, because you don't have to get up to turn it off and on. You can stay safely on the couch and not have to risk getting eaten by a Carpet Shark or accidentally getting any exercise.

The problem is that the air conditioner makes an ear-splitting BEEP (shriek?!?) every time you turn it off or on. It has to be about the stupidest thing ever. I mean, it would be different if the air conditioner was totally silent and you couldn't hear when it was on... BUT IT'S AN AIR-CONDITIONER!!! Short of a smoke alarm, it's about the loudest damn appliance you can buy. Until now. It's as if the manufacturer said "I'm tired of smoke alarms stealing our thunder as loudest appliance ever... we can do better!" And they have! I swear that asinine shriek is louder than the test button on any smoke alarm.

And I just don't get it. Having a loud BEEP go off every time you mess with an air conditioner is about as senseless as trying to find intelligence in an Ann Coulter book. Yet here we are, with me living in fear that turning on the air conditioner will result in the neighbors calling the fire department.

A fire department which would probably be happy to allow my home go up in flames once they found out I'm not a Harry Potter fan.


Every time a new Harry Potter movie comes out, it's always the same. A never-ending stream of "Have you seen Harry Potter yet?!?"

I've already written about my social inadequacies from not being a Harry Potter fan, but now the fervor has reached all new heights. There are no more Harry Potter books in the pipeline, so new films are all that's left for people to obsess over. This has resulted in an unprecedented level of disdain from Potter-Heads every time I have to explain that I don't like Harry Potter and have no desire to see any of the movies. The shock, disbelief, disgust, and sheer terror that's unloaded on me has never been more blatant.

I'm still waiting for a Harry Potter edition of CliffsNotes so I can at least pretend to fit into society again.

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Categories: Movies 2009Click To It: Permalink


  1. B.E. Earl says:

    I was a late convert and I didn’t think the first book or the first film were all that great.

    But the books got better and better as the series progressed, as have the movies. I planned on seeing the newest film today, but life intervened. Maybe Monday. I hate going to the movies on the weekend. Too much humanity for my liking.

  2. Finn says:

    I attempted to read the first Harry Potter book to my son a few years ago and couldn’t flippin’ do it. Yawn.

    Of course now HE’s into it and reading the books by himself and wants to see the new movie. So either I have to suck it up and watch it or find someone else to take him.


  3. martymankins says:

    My daughter is a huge Harry Potter fan, but at the age of 17, she can be without concern to any adults that are not.

    I enjoy the movies and have read the first 2 books, per my daughter’s admonition, but it’s not an opening night or first day on sale thing for me. When I get time and feel like I want to see the movies, I do.

  4. Tracy says:

    Loved the books, hated the movies. A friend of mine called me up the other night asking if I had any interest in seeing the midnight show…not so much. It’ll take a LOT more than Harry Potter to get me to stay out after midnight these days! 🙂

  5. Sybil Law says:

    Our window unit was always pretty quiet, but I think I also went out of my way to get a quiet one.
    I never read any of the Harry Potter books, but I happened to watch the first movie on HBO years ago, and I LOVED it. I totally got why kids (and apparently adults) loved it. I still don’t give a crap about the books but I will go see the new movie – once the hoopla and crowds die down.

  6. I feel very “meh” about Hairy Putter too.

  7. My kids are WAY into Harry Potter. I haven’t seen any of the movies and am actually making my husband take them to this one. I did enjoy the first couple of books but otherwise this really isn’t my thing.

  8. I’ve never cracked open one of the books. Because I am inherently rebellious about anything for which there is mass hysteria. I’m a bitch that way : ) I’ll probably try reading them in 30 years or so when the hype dies down a little.

  9. sizzle says:

    I have never read any of the Harry Potter books nor have I ever seen the movies.

  10. You have a remote controlled air conditioner? Seriously? I don’t know whether I think that’s the laziest thing I’ve ever heard of or the smartest. Perhaps both, at the same time.

  11. Nicole says:

    I hear you. I’ve never been into Harry Potter either but everyone I know just loves it. I guess wizards are not my thing.

  12. claire says:

    I have a window a/c that also has a timer function so you could let it run for a couple hours and then have it turn off (or on) while you’re sleeping. But it has that loud freaking beep! Pointless.

    Also beware carbon monoxide detectors. At xmas when I needed to switch outlets, my dad warned me it would beep after it was unplugged (without mentioning it had a button on back to suppress that.) It wasn’t a beep, it was an EAR-SPLITTING SIREN! So loud I (and much of my family I suspect) really understood the effectiveness of flash-bangs.

  13. Michael A says:

    Speaking of Harry Potter, what do you think of the newest Green Day album?

  14. Tracy Lynn says:

    I enjoyed the books, but not to the point of reading them more than the once. I have never seen any of the movies, nor I have I seen or read Twilight, or any other fan obsession.

    I guess I’m just not that cool.

  15. Hilly says:

    As I said in my post today….saw the movie and feel very “meh” about it as well. I enjoyed the first couple of movies just as little fun frivilous things to watch but now, not as much.

    I’m too awesome to read Harry Potter anyway.


  16. Mocha says:

    Oh, Dave. You have never fit into society. It’s sweet that you think that. Did someone put a spell on you?

    I’m a fan of the books but have a very Eh reaction to seeing someone else’s view of my imagination of how it played out.

  17. Lexi says:

    I’d thought I was the last person on Earth to read the books, when I finally did maybe 6 months ago. They actually go pretty fast, considering they’re written for children. As much as you travel, you could knock them out and just never admit it.

    Do neighbors actually call the fire department when someone’s alarm goes off? My next-door neighbor’s goes off 11 times a day, but I just figure she’s smoking more crack, and ignore it.

  18. Mik says:

    I’m with you, I have seen the first movie and that is all and have no desire to see the others. The wife has them as the grand kids enjoy watching it but luckily never when I am around. The movies and books just don’t interest me.

  19. whall says:

    I never sent you that Ann Coulter book, did I. Shame on me.

    Hmm, maybe I should send a Dick Morris book instead. Or a Ben Stein book.

    But definitely not a Harry Potter book.

  20. A Lewis says:

    You know, I’d like a remote…..hooked to a hot muscle stud…to bring me snacks and cold drinks all day long…oh, and to …….well, you know

  21. Colin B. says:

    Hmmm… I didn’t know you came that close to these kind of people. I mean, hell, I like Harry Potter but I never obsess or bother others about it.

    I never start Harry Potter conversations but will participate in one if the other person insists, since I’ve read the books. However, if I see they have the Harry Potter glint in their eyes, I slowly back away.

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