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Bullet Sunday 136

Posted on Sunday, June 14th, 2009

Dave!Yargh. I have to get ready for my flight back to Seattle, so I suppose this will have to be a quickie Bullet Sunday!

• My Happiest Moments at ConFab... That would be all the people showing me they had the Ask Dave! app installed on their iPhone. Somebody (sorry, I don't remember who!) suggested that I do one of my "Behind the Scenes" entries about the app, which is a great idea. I'll try to find time for that later this week.

Ask Dave! App Ad


• My Scariest Moment at ConFab... That would be when Becky whipped a knife out to cut apart the tattoos. Note to self: Becky is totally prepared to cut a bitch for reals, so it is probably best not to piss her off...

Hello Ha Ha Knife


• My Ego-Crushing Moment at ConFab... That would be when Hilly-Sue went around dubbing people cool enough to hang out with her. ..

Hilly Dubs Laci Cool Enough

Hilly Dubs John Cool Enough

I was never dubbed cool enough. =sob!= I choose to believe it's because I am so totally awesome that such a thing would be redundant.


• My Best Conversation at ConFab... Somebody had remarked that they wanted to use Karl's picture of his ass as their iPhone desktop background because it says "kiss it!," and they could flash it as needed to people who piss them off. Oddly enough, since Karl took the photo with his iPhone, it's perfectly sized...

Karl's Ass as iPhone Wallpaper

Later that evening...

DAVE: Quick, hide the drugs!
GUY ACROSS THE DECK: We have drugs?
DAVE: I think somebody brought heroin, but they forgot the surgical tubing so nobody got to shoot up.
HILLY-SUE: We could just snort it.
DAVE: But this table has holes in it! (it was wire patio furniture).
HILLY-SUE: Use your iPhone!
DAVE: But then I'd be snorting heroin off of Karl's ass!

The Twitter stream is even better...

Twitter Thread


My Coolest Moment at ConFab... That would be watching Mr. Shiny belt out Meredith Brook's "Bitch" during karaoke and totally owning it...

Shiny Bitch


• My Most Uncomfortable Moment at ConFab... That would be the massive bathtub in my hotel room at the DoubleTree Suites. I suppose it's cool if you were going to start up the whirlpool bath, but taking a shower in it is a very lonely experience...

Giant Bathtub!

Hmmm... that doesn't really show how huge this thing is. Here's a baby elephant in that same tub...

Giant Bathtub!

And here's the Statue of Liberty...

Giant Bathtub!


• My Greatest Thing To Happen That Wasn't at ConFab... That would be this past week when Betty White appeared on Jimmy Fallon and ended up playing beer pong with him. It only confirms that Betty White is one of the coolest people on earth...


And now I supposed I should iron a shirt and take a shower or something. Goodbye Kentucky!


  1. whall says:

    Maybe if you put Betty White in the bathtub, it would be more appealing.

    Wait, that sounds wrong.

    I am bummed I missed out on Confab.

  2. undisciplined says:

    Aww, DAMN~!! You were in my town!! Well, I at least got to DRIVE BY the hotel you were staying at on Saturday. Little did I know that when I glanced at the hotel, THE DAVE was staying there. Oh well! 🙂

  3. Ren says:

    Using the Statue of Liberty as a reference, not only is that tub huge, but so is that baby elephant!

  4. Hilly says:

    I think it’s implied that you never even had to pass the test! You are mah Davey-Joe, king of cool!

    I had so much fun seeing you and what a great party!

  5. martymankins says:

    Best kept secret. Hope someone was able to make use of that heroin.

  6. Kevin says:

    I love my ask Dave App!

  7. Laci says:

    OMG ConFab was freaking awesome. It was so great meeting you last night! (and I was finally able to approve you on Twitter :D)

  8. claire says:

    See I think that tub would be awesome. But then hotel showers often make me feel a bit claustrophobic, also like a giant but that’s more of a shower head height issue.

  9. Sybil Law says:

    I did not get the sex with you.
    I go cry now.

  10. I think I had something else to comment, but after hearing about Betty White and beer pong I lost it. ROFL!

  11. I have loved Betty White ever since I saw her in “Lake Placid” with Oliver Platt, Bill Pullman, and that chick that was in “Head Over Heels” w/ Freddie Prinz Jr. Listening to her tell that fat backwoods cop, “If I had a dick, this is where I’d tell you to suck it!” never gets old!

  12. well if you wanted company in your big scary bathtub, all you had to do was ask. i would have come in to protect you.

  13. Kyra says:

    I haven’t seen bigger bath tubs anywhere else in my life. I kinda thought it was the horses that KY was supposed to be known for?

    Soooo wonderful meeting you!

  14. John says:

    You are totally correct about the redundancy. : ) I can only attribute my coronation to …well, …alcohol.

    It was my great pleasure to meet you Sir!

  15. Karl says:

    Wow, I had no idea my ass was such a sensation. I’m honored you’d even consider snorting heroin off of it. Great to see you, man. Big surprise that you were there. For me, anyway. Everyone else seemed to know you were coming.

  16. Jacki says:

    When I first read that you created an App for the iPhone – I lusted after it in the belief it would not be available in Australia – but it was! It is one of my 3 year old nephew’s favourite apps. That and pee monkey!

  17. Sodapop says:

    That bathtub does look a little intimidating. Glad you survived it! Because I would have cried had I not gotten to meet you!

    It was awesome finally meeting you in person. You’re just as cool as I’ve heard you are. 🙂

  18. Poppy says:

    You don’t even understand how much time I spent explaining to Robin/Bella that you were KIDDING and that mostly the tweets were waaaay overexaggerations or complete fabrications voted on by the group.

  19. Dave2 says:

    I tried to explain it to her in direct messages, but I don’t think she ever believed me.

    I don’t know whether to be flattered or not that my Robyn thought I was literally having sex with everybody at the party and snorting heroin off of Karl’s ass. It’s a tough call. 🙂

  20. Hilly says:

    Someone should tell Robin that whenever she hears about Dave and I having sex? It’s all a lie. It’s code for braiding each others hair and swooning over Ryan Reynolds.

  21. Dave2 says:

    And now it’s Hilly who is telling lies.

    We don’t braid our hair… I don’t have enough hair to braid, nor is my “20% gay” enough to spend my time that way.

    The truth is that we apply each other’s eye makeup and swoon over Ryan Reynolds.

  22. bo says:

    I’m not kidding when I tell you that the Dave app is becoming the main reason I want an iPhone.

  23. DutchBitch says:

    OMG Becky SO whipped out a corkscrew too at the bowling alley because the lady behind the bar DIDN’T HAVE ONE!!! * rolling eyes *

    Great to see you again, Dave!

  24. dutchbitch,
    if i were a boy i would have been a boy scout. i am always prepared! (even had one of adam’s condoms in my purse. ya just never know!)

  25. This comment is late. And, therefore, irrelevant. I’ve been stewing about this since I read the post: I will never, EVER be cool enough to snort heroin off Karl’s ass. Such is my lot in life . . .

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