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Psychosis

Posted on Friday, May 29th, 2009

Dave!There's nothing quite like being trapped in a room where the television "entertainment" is Live With Regis and Kelly. I had never seen it before, and was shocked... absolutely shocked... at how stupid it is. I have no idea if Kelly Ripa is just acting crazy, or if she's a raging crazy person in real life, but I'm dumbfounded as to why anybody would want to watch this show. After just five minutes I was hoping a fire would break out so I could escape. Unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky.

I managed to write a plea for help on the back of an envelope with a purple crayon, then tried to convince a cat to carry it to the outside world...

Crayonhelp

Alas, the cat would have none of it*, and so I had to sit there until my name was called.

I don't think I suffered any permanent damage, but I have experienced a few trauma-induced hallucinations where I see Regis Philbin standing over me with a bowl of red Jell-O. I'm not sure what to make of that.

But don't worry about me. Eventually I will be able to put the horror of Live With Regis and Kelly behind me and move on with my life.

Until then, I'm avoiding morning television. And Jell-O.

   

*The cat, having been exposed to Live With Regis and Kelly every weekday for years, seemed to be afflicted with a kind of psychosis. He wouldn't stop licking himself the entire time I was there... and was still doing so when I passed back through 20 minutes later. "Unclean! Unclean! Unclean! Unclean!"

Comments

  1. Jeff says:

    Yep, raging crazy person. No one really watches the show, but Regis keeps it afloat with his “Millionaire” earnings. That said, Regis keeps Kelly around because she is 3 grades of crazy LESS than Kathy Lee. And she looks a far sight better.

  2. Breigh says:

    I’ve only seen it once or twice when I was in Canada. I guess I should be thankful that they don’t show it over here in Holland :P

  3. Have you ever seen Kelly Ripa’s appliance commercials? If the show didn’t convince you she was crazy, those commercials will!

  4. Hilly says:

    Every now and then I’ll pop on the TV while working and I once accidentally turned it on to that show. I cried for days and days while rocking in the corner.

  5. Avitable says:

    The only time I’ve seen any of those horrible morning shows is when The Soup airs clips, and it amazes me that anyone would watch them.

  6. That’s what happens when you don’t eat. You end up crazy, just like Kelly. Eat something, Kelly, please!

  7. Sybil Law says:

    Hahahaha!!!
    I know exactly what you’re talking about… between that show and The View, morning tv just sucks ass.

  8. Glenda says:

    Ugh. I agree, Kelly is beyond annoying..she tries to be ditzy I think. So not cool. I do like the Today show though, at least until “Hoda & Kathy” come on. That’s a nightmare in itself.

  9. Robin says:

    Daytime TV is a plot by corporate America to prevent sick days. The choice of programming is so bad that employees would rather go back to work than stay home sick. I know that after one day watching daytime TV, I am more than ready to get back to work!

  10. Robin says:

    Wow…you’ve never seen that monstrosity? Never? Every time I see that show, the only thing I keep thinking is…”Kelly Ripa’s arms are really sculpted. Seriously.”

    They do have awesome guest hosts sometimes…like Anderson Cooper. Yum. :) I can’t help loving a smart, snarky man….

    I am rambling, yet again…..

  11. heather says:

    i knew i liked you! kelly ripa is insane! i can’t even stand to watch her commercials.

  12. kilax says:

    I bet that could be said about a lot of talk shows! Things seem to be more and more sensational all the time!

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