It's a full-blown epidemic edition of Bullet Sunday!
• Mapping. Ooh! I almost forgot that I've got another state checked off my Travel Map! Now there's only North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, and Oklahoma left to go. One of these years I'm going to have to just bite the bullet, fly into Fargo, get a one-way car rental, drive down to Tulsa, then fly home. Allowing for a one-day detour to Mount Rushmore, I could do it in three or four days. One more thing to add to my list.
• Jacked. The annual Apple Blossom Festival came to town this weekend. And, while I gave up on celebrating the event a long time ago, there's still one Apple Blossom tradition I feel compelled to embrace... CRACKER JACKS!!!
But something has gone terribly wrong. Right on the front of the bag, it asks you to guess what the surprise might be inside. When I was younger and Cracker Jack had awesome prizes, I might have had a shot at this. Maybe it would be a little plastic truck. Or a magnifying glass. Or even a book of sweet ink tattoos. But TODAY? All the prizes they give out are shit...
Now, please tell me how the fuck could I have ever guessed a "pencil topper" that's nothing but a piece of slotted paper with a crappy drawing of cartoon bees on it? NOTE TO CRACKER JACK COMPANY: A PENCIL TOPPER WOULD GO ON TOP OF THE PENCIL. THIS IS A FUCKING PENCIL SLIDER. Or whatever...
• Chuks. My post from Thursday was half-way understood by half the people commenting on it. While it's probably a mistake to try and explain what goes on in my head, I'll give it a shot...
In the cinematic masterpiece, Dune (directed by über-genius David Lynch), there's a big battle at the end where the oppressed Fremen warriors rise up against the Galactic Emperor by riding giant worms into a sneak attack...
In addition to mowing down soldiers with their giant worms, the Fremen also have a sound-activated guns called a "weirding modules." When they scream certain sounds, the guns shoot out a pretty blast of light that blows shit up...
When I saw the film in the theater waaaayyy back in 1984, it was at our shitty local cinema which has horrible sound. Every time the Fremen screamed into their weirding module, I could have sworn that they were saying "INYUK CHUK!" Starting with Rachel, the replicant from Bladerunner...
And Captain Jean Luc Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation...
And, of course, the Cosmic Messiah of the Dune Universe Himself, Muad Dib...
Now, as everybody knows, "INYUK CHUK" is the phrase that Apache Chief on the Super Friends uses to grown into a big man and battle crime. Since Muad Dib has super powers, I kept expecting him to grow into a giant and start kicking some ass...
Super-sweet Apache Chief custom action figure by Iron Cow.
How frackin' awesome would THAT have been?
• Yikes. Speaking of Dune, isn't Alia the freakiest character ever to appear in in a movie?
• Humor. There's a lot of reason to love Star Wars (well, the originals, not the shitty prequels). And one of my favorites is how LucasFilm has no problem poking fun at the franchise. Not only by allowing others to take a shot at Star Wars parody (like the recent brilliance by Family Guy and Robot Chicken)... but the wonderful way they make fun of themselves. If you're a fan, StarWars.com has some beautiful posters for Disney's "Star Wars Weekends" on display. Here's two, but there are many more that are well worth checking out...
And now it's time for dinner. I'll be having rice tacos tonight. RICE TACOS WITH CHEESE!
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Don’t worry about getting to Kansas. There’s nothing there. Well, there are a couple cows, but other than that? You ain’t missin’ a thing. Come back to Missouri. We have hills.
I saw Dune in the theater a hundred years ago. I fell asleep. My date was annoyed. Oh well.
You’re going to really dig Mt. Rushmore….so fantastic and in such a beautiful place. And, hey, another great idea…You could become a traveler on Pat Robertson’s Interstate 35 system…check it out…you’ll be signing up soon!!
Pencil slider, wtf? That’s a totally lame prize!
THANK YOU!! IT’S A PIECE OF FRICKIN’ PAPER!! What kind of prize is that?!?
That makes me so sad that the Cracker Jack gifts are crap lately. I guess that’s what happens when we’re in a recession. Was the pencil topper an eraser at least?? And are those butterflies on it?
GAH! NO! IT WAS A PIECE OF FRICKIN’ PAPER!
PAPER!!!!!
Cracker Jacks!!! I love those things – when I was a kid my Nana would “hide” them for us when we went to visit with the hiding spot always in the top middle drawer of the buffet. Our visit wasn’t complete until we snuck into the dining room to check and see if Nana had our Cracker Jacks, when we run giggling from the room when we saw that she did. But if they had those types of shitty prizes then, my Nana would have kicked Cracker Jack’s assses. Epic fail, Cracker Jack!
Och, huv yi ben tae thu State of Confusion? LOL
That picture of you with the pencil is hilarious.
I forget – do you have a spend-the-night rule to check off each state? Or is driving through ok?
I only ever wanted the tattoos from CJ’s. I bought my kids a box a couple years back, and was disappointed too. The toys really did used to be cool.
And Alia was scary as hell! 🙂
I’ve never seen Dune.
Alia is spooky, but that Malachai freak from Children of the Corn gives me the major willies to this day!
Those Star Wars posters are awesome. 🙂
So what did you do while you were in Michigan? (my homestate) I have been curious for a LONG time Dave, what exactly is your career that allows you to travel so much? I’m insanely jealous of your travels! Do you mind sharing what you do for a living?
Long time reader, first time commenter (cliché, I know)
~Carrie
I know you can have fun anywhere — and there’s nothing like checking off every state — but you’re not missing much in those states.
I wonder if there’s a train. That might be more fun than driving.
We both checked off the same state neither of us had been to before. Although you got there a day before I did.
I’ve got a lot more states left to visit.
The Cracker Jacks prizes have been shit for years and years. It’s been at least since 1997 when I worked at a baseball stadium that I first noticed how garbage they are.
South Dakota is cool, Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse, Wall Drug and the Corn Palace. Those are all worth a quick trip especially if driving through the state.
You have become too weird and I can’t relate any more. Bu-Bye
Something tells me you never did relate if THIS is the entry that convinced you I was weird! Oh well… I will try my best to carry on without you…
I’m *so* late to the Family Guy party its not even funny. Just how much do I suck? In fact I only started watching this year when I caught some reruns by accident. Now I have the first two seasons on DVD and will be buying every single conceivable Family Guy episode in the near future. I can’t wait to watch Blue Harvest.
the last time i had cracker jack, it had like 1.25 peanuts in the entire box.
but now i’m going to buy some to see if i get something cooler than a slotted piece of paper.
The best part of the Cracker Jack prize? The expression on your face. I want a paper pencil topper with that picture on it. 🙂 “Puzzled, Disappointed Dave”
Oh, and? DUNE FUCKING ROCKS!!!
That is all…
I knew all the Dune stuff but I didn’t catch the Apache Chief reference. #SUPERDUNEFRIENDFAIL
Wait, do hashtags work in comments?
I find myself in a similar situation with my own US travel map. I’m down to just 3 states that I’ve not visited. For me, it’s Alaska and Dakotas. I really need to just bite the bullet as well and get them knocked off the list.
I had no idea the prizes in Cracker Jack had become so pathetic. Thanks for the warning. What a bummer.
Directed at your “Maps,” over the years, I traveled to 48 of the 50 states, and I hope to make it to all 50 before I die.
As to the idea that the USA is the end all, be all, to the “world,” I’ve also traveled to the Middle East and Southeast Asia.
However, I do have a prejudice for the USA. A few years ago, I took my 4 children on a “See America” tour. 11,000 miles in 5 weeks. Having lived my entire life either in the Midwest or East Coast, visiting the West Coast was an experience I loved. So, two years ago I moved here, and love it, which is why I created by blog.
I’m looking forward to following your travels……….:)