Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could buy a Deadly Ninja Attack Monkey to unleash upon my enemies.*
*And by "enemies" I mean dumbasses ahead of me driving 10 miles under the speed limit in a 25mph zone. WTF?!?
Please please pretty please with a throwing star on top!
I want to buy too! Il est trop mignon et vraiment utile ! 🙂
Except replace “deadly ninja attack monkey” with “angry south pole elf” and “people driving ahead of me…” with “people who stand in the middle of the fucking grocery aisle and blog the entire damn lane with their cart and their fat asses while they try to decide which brand of fucking bread to buy”
But otherwise – yeah. Exactly.
“…dumbasses ahead of me driving 10 miles under the speed limit in a 25mph zone. WTF?!?”
That just happened to me yesterday! They literally braked so hard for a speed bump they had to gas to get OVER it! I thought I was going to jump out of my car and punch them in the face!
Then again, I am menstrual.
Just be careful where you say that. My friend once joked about hiring monkey ninja assassins if he ever won the lottery and ended up in his boss’s office being lectured about “creating a hostile work environment.”
What happens when a Deadly Ninja Attack Monkey meets a Deadly Ninja Croc? Now I’m going to spend the afternoon wondering…
Dude, monkeys have opposable thumbs! Thus, monkeys can use the full ninja arsenal of throwing stars, nunchucks, kamas, swords, shoge, hooks, sais, claws, blow guns, manrikigusari, and bad-ass ninjitsu moves! How can a croc, ninja or otherwise, possibly compete with that?
And you are welcome! Now you can spend your afternoon doing something more fun! 🙂
Yeah, sorry about that. I drive slow to boost my gas mileage. Didn’t see you back there!
What about the people who line up behind a cop because they’re afraid to pass him, even though he’s going ten miles under the limit!
Or the brainiacs who pass you going 60 on an inch of ice because apparently they have magical no slide powers.
This blog entry is 100% JordaNinja approved.
PS: The hubby would also like you to know about a weapon he has under development presently. It ejects dumbass drivers and places them safely by the side of the road, then explodes their car.
I had to go to WalMart on Friday and I thought it was my one trip for the year. However, one of the things I bought doesn’t work so I have to return it tomorrow. I think I’d like to borrow your Ninja Attack Monkey now, please.
all i am saying is that this may have been your best post ever…
I like the Deadly Ninja Attack Monkey! I would get him to deal with the people who stand on an escalator.
People miss the part that it should escalate them to the next floor, make a few less stairs that they need to climb. It’s not called a “Lazy People Mover”.
The only good thing about dumbasses driving 10 mph under the speed limit in Washington is that it takes months, instead of days, for them to finally make it to Ohio to drive 10 mph under the speed limit in front of me. (I imagine they’re in the HOV lane, as much as possible, the whole way.)
Heh. Ninja Monkey. Love it. If only he could actually ride with you and throw shurikens at dumbasses tires to get them out of the way.
BTW, I had forgotten what Ninja throwing stars were called, so I GOOGLED THAT SHIT.
you could play NIN while the deadly NINja throws his stars at the NINcompool during el NINo.