Blogography Logo
spacer

  Home  

Davequill

Posted on Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

Dave!The wonderful world of over-the-counter medication is a magical place.

As you might have guessed from my past week of blogging, I'm a total baby when it comes to being sick, so I tend to spend a lot of my time inventing new and creative ways of using over-the-counter medication to make my life suck less when I get ill. Mostly by mixing and matching various drugs until I find a happy combination that puts me in a mental state where I don't mind so much that my nose is leaking all over the place.

Finding the right mix of pills is a daunting task. Screw up too much, and you get to take a trip to the hospital. Don't screw up enough, and you end up aware that you're sick.

Most of my time is spent negotiating with medicine packaging as to the proper dosage because, well, you just know that they're low-balling it...

Dayquill box says "My dosage is two pills every four hours!"

Dave Says "But what if I really, REALLY don't like being sick?"

Dayquill box is thinking...

Dayquill Box says "sure, have a party!"

The rest of my time is spent figuring out which pills go good together, and which pills will have a battle-to-the-death in your stomach. Initially, I figured things out by trial-and-error. Eventually I figured out that it's actually the COLOR of the pills that determines how your body will react. Red pills, for example, seem to go good with any other color. Green pills should never be mixed with pink pills. Blue pills should only be mixed with yellow pills if you want to end up psychotic for a few hours. White pills are just fooling themselves.

Right now I will be taking two giant blue pills, two circle red pills, two small blue pills, and one green pill, followed by a handful of M&M's candies in assorted colors. I'm hoping at least one of those will help me get some sleep tonight.


Categories: DaveLife 2009Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Peter says:

    I suppose you’re insured for medical issues, since you travel the world so much, what I don’t get is why you don’t use the resources you pay buckets of money for.

    Or maybe that’s my Dutch background…

  2. Robin says:

    Throw some antibiotics and a nose spray in the mix and you’ll be golden! :)

  3. Badger says:

    OMG dude, GO TO THE FREAKING DOCTOR. The doctors have the BEST drugs, yo! Tell them the part where you started feeling better but then you got worse again — they love that shit and they are willing to medicate the HELL out of it.

  4. colleen says:

    Be careful mixing and matching colors…as you might be seeing the white light at the end of the day…ugh tunnel…the Dr will have the good drugs…

  5. Sybil Law says:

    Dr. Dave cures all!
    Seriously – be careful! I know some of those pills were Sudafed, right?

  6. Finn says:

    I think I almost figured out what you’re taking…

    The next time you feel a cold coming on, go get some Zicam swabs, a Neti pot and your nasal decongestant/antihistimine of choice. Use the Zicam immediately, the Neti pot at least once a day and the decongestant, etc. as needed. I promise you your cold will be mild and brief. I know this from experience. You can get a Neti pot in the drugstore now; it’s near the cold/allergy stuff. Great for allergies too.

    You know, I gave up this assvice stuff for Lent once and it actually stuck. And suddenly it’s done this boomerang thing and I can’t stop. Ugh.

  7. martymankins says:

    Love today’s DaveToon entry. Damn, this sickness is hanging on for dear life. Do they make DayQuil in Jager Bomb flavor?

  8. Tracy Lynn says:

    Dude, it’s hard to believe that you aren’t dead yet. O_O

  9. Lexxie says:

    OR you can ask the drugstore pharmacist, they’re like a free doctor, so you can avoid the bad parts of trial and error-ing…they’ll tell you what you can mix and how much is REALLY too much

  10. Sarah says:

    When you wake up from your coma I hope you are feeling better.

  11. Jeff says:

    Next of kin:_________________________________

  12. Twinkie says:

    Does Ana Nicole and Heath Ledger mean anything to you?(death by accidental od, or mixing of drugs I think?) Also, the girl that played the sister on Focker movies… she just plain died of pnemonia. Get yourself to a doctor fortheloveofgawd.

  13. Mooselet says:

    You’d be better off getting a drug guide when you are well and having a read of it to see recommended dosage limits and the bad things that can happen when you exceed them. Not that you can’t – I often take 800mg of ibuprofen when I’m in pain, but then I have an iron stomach and know I’m unlikely to end up with a bleeding ulcer. Then go to a doctor and get the good shit when you’re sick – this way you won’t end up getting your stomach pumped in the ER.

  14. A Lewis says:

    And, luckily, we’re on the downside of that little “how much can I really take” game. I wish you the same good fortune asap!

  15. Karl says:

    Ugh, my sleep sucks of late, too. Hope that those M&M’s do the trick.

  16. Hilly says:

    I totally do that too….when I am sick and have to function, I mix one night time tablet with one day time tablet. The day ones make me edgy so I like to cut it with a little sleepy drug.

    Then I swig coffee while smoking a joint. Kidding…mostly.

  17. Maybe you’ve already been down this road, but I just (kinda sorta) got over a four week long cold. The OTCs were doing nothing. Only the antibiotics worked.

    I’m with the above peeps who said go see the Doc.

  18. Wow. I am totally going to start taking all my meds by colour now! But decisions decisions! Should I take all the primary coloured ones together and leave the secondary colours to have later? Or should I use a complimentary colour system… or only take matching coloured ones together? And then where do all the white ones fit in?
    RMB
    I wonder if I put them in a blender and mush them all up together will they turn into the horrid brownish-khaki colour that you used to get when fingerpainting in primary school!

  19. whall says:

    You shouldn’t joke about pills.

    Now, if you had alcohol WITH the pills, THAT would be funny.

  20. delmer says:

    There might be something to the coloring of medicine.

    In college I got sick and went to the local doc. I told a buddy and he asked if the doctor had given me a bottle of yellow medicine. When I asked how he knew he told me the doc gives it out to everybody — it would seem yellow medicine cured everything in the early 80’s.

  21. Okay, so I’m totally late coming into this conversation (and ironically I’m here catching up with your blog because I’m too sick to be doing anything constructive : )

    I agree with everyone else who HOPES YOU’RE STILL ALIVE! And that you haven’t done permanent damage to your kidneys or liver.

    And I second the motion to talk to a pharmacist for crying out loud! It’s what they’re there for–it’s what they do!

    Rules of thumb:

    1) Behind-the-counter sudafed during the day to dry up with sinuses and relieve the sore throat due to post nasal drip. Mix with aspirin or tylenol as needed. (Don’t even bother taking medication with *new* sudafed–phenylephrine–it totally sucks. Only real pseudaphedrine will dry you up.)

    2) Anti-histamines at night to dry up the sinuses and make you sleepy (chlor tabs or benadryl are my faves–very, very sleepy : )

    3) You seem to have a handle on the guiafenesin : )

    4) Ditto on what other people said about Zicam and a Neti Pot.

    Carry on, soldier!

Add a Comment

Blankatar!

   
I love comments! However, all comments are moderated, and won't appear until approved. Are you an abusive troll with nothing to contribute? Don't bother. Selling something? Don't bother. Spam linking? Don't bother.
PLEASE NOTE: My comment-spam protection requires JavaScript... if you have it turned off or are using a mobile device without JavaScript, commenting won't work. Sorry.




   


   


   
   
   
Your personal information is optional. Email addresses are never shown, and are only used by me if a public reply would be too personal or inappropriate here. The URL link to your web site or blog will be provided, so only fill this in if you want people to visit!



   

  Home  

spacer
Welcome:
Blogography is a place to learn and grow by exposing yourself to the mind of David Simmer II, a brilliant commentator on world events and popular culture (or so he claims).
Dave FAQ:
Frequently Asked Questions
Dave Flickr Gallery:
Dave Contact:
dave@blogography.com
Blogography Webfeeds:
Entries Feed
Comments Feed
Dave Social:
Blogography Tumblr
Blogography Instagram
Blogography on Pinterest
translate me
lost & found
Search Blogography:
thrice fiction
Thrice Fiction Magazine - March, 2011 - THE END
I'm co-founder of Thrice Fiction magazine. Come check us out!
free iphone app
Ask Dave iPhone App
Put Dave in your pocket with this FREE app for iPhone and iPod Touch. All life's answers await you with the Ask Dave app!
hard rock moment
Visit DaveCafe for my Hard Rock Cafe travel journal!
travel picto-gram
Visit my travel map to see where I have been in this world!
badgemania
Blogography Badge
Atom Syndicate Badge
Comments Syndicate Badge
Apple Safari Badge
Pirate's Booty Badge
Macintosh Badge
license
All content copyright ©2003-2017
by David Simmer II
   
Creative Commons License
This weblog is licensed under
a Creative Commons License.
ssl security
Comodo SSL