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Posted on Monday, November 17th, 2008

Dave!Whenever I have to go to the FOX News website, I imagine for a moment that my DaveGuard Internet Protection System is going to pop up with a warning...



Of course, it's not like I don't know that already.

So here we are at FOX News, which claims to be fair and balanced... which claims to be unbiased... which claims to adhere to a higher standard of journalism. They put themselves up on a pedestal and label people "unpatriotic" for criticizing and attacking the Office of The President during wartime ("Pinheads & Patriots," O'Reilly calls it). Yep, everybody in America just hates America except FOX News and the people who watch FOX News.

Except when the president is going to be a Democrat.

Then it's totally patriotic to criticize and attack the Office of The President Elect. Especially in a time of war... even if it's in the most stupid and asinine way possible...

Bill O'Reilly: I believe that there are terrorists smiling today...

I've always thought that Bill O'Reilly was a complete and total fucking dumbass, but his latest "Talking Points Memo" shows that I was low-balling it.

O'Reilly, as usual, starts out with some valid, interesting, and thought-provoking questions about Barack Obama's plan to eliminate torture and close down Guantanamo Bay (Where will all those prisoners go? How does Obama define torture?). But then, as usual, he goes off the rails and surmises that terrorists around the globe are smiling today because Obama is somehow helping their cause.

  • Apparently, Obama's wanting to hold our country to a higher standard and set us apart from the terrorists we're fighting when it comes to torture is a bad thing.
  • Apparently, Obama's wanting to show the global community that our country can have decency and integrity in a time of war, and is an example to be followed is lame.
  • Apparently, Obama's wanting to get rid of obsolete Cold War operations so that our armed forces can be concentrated where they're needed most is worthy of ridicule.

Well, why not? The Bush-era policies have served us so well.


Ummm... no... not really. You are wrong, Bill O'Reilly.

The truth is that the terrorists must love to see things like the Abu Ghraib torture incident splashed across the headlines of the world press because that's what helps their cause. It enrages their countrymen and increases their numbers. It turns the world against the United States and serves to make us more hated. Never mind that it doesn't adequately represent the vast majority of those in our military who serve their country with honor, it hurts us. From all sides... internal and external... it hurts us as a country.

So what Barrack Obama is saying is most definitely not making the terrorists smile today.

What it is doing is taking a stand and telling the whole world that we are better than our enemies. It's reversing a course of total destruction that has the world hating our guts and questioning our sanity. It's setting an example that will make it more and more difficult for terrorists to garner sympathy for their "cause." It's helping to make our troops safer when they're captured. It's getting rid of a system that experienced U.S. military officers argue doesn't work, and is not a good way to get information. It's a step towards healing past wounds and moving this country forward.

It's the right thing to do.

But "fair and balanced" Bill O'Reilly would rather undermine President Elect Obama's attempt for positive progress in our "war on terror" by saying he makes terrorists happy. Apparently, he feels that is the unbiased and patriotic thing to do.


If people want to watch FOX News to get their look at world news and events, I'm fine with that.

But don't anybody tell me that this organization is any more unbiased and accountable than any other piece-of-shit "news" source out there, because they prove this to be untrue time and time again. Heck, I'd argue that by claiming to be otherwise, it actually makes them worse.

And that's my fair and balanced opinion.

Categories: Television 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. yaleman says:

    You had me at Contune. 🙂

  2. Dave2 says:

    D’oh! You’re not supposed to read my blog until I’ve had a chance to review it first! I was fixing my typo as you were leaving your comment! 🙂

  3. Aunt Robin says:

    I lost all respect for Bill O’Reilly after watching his interview with Obama prior to the election. He was aggressive, combative and argumentive, while Mr. Obama maintained a respectful, dignified demeanor, never raising his voice or losing his composure– which made O’Reilly seem even more shrill in comparison. It was an embarrassing, cheap attempt by O’Reilly to appear to ask “the hard questions,” when, in fact, he only looked and behaved like a moron. A very rude moron.

    He definitely plays to his fan base, and an eye to his ratings obviously supercedes responsible journalism. I call his tactics “Jerry Springer Journalism.” I really don’t know how anyone can take the man seriously– but then there’s quite a lot about the extreme right that I can’t understand.

  4. The few times I’ve been unfortunate enough to somehow catch 5 mins of O’Reilly’s show have been proof enough that the man is engaged in douchebaggery of the highest form.

  5. Avitable says:

    The question being, why would you ever have to go to the Fox News website?!

  6. B.E. Earl says:

    Their entire “fair and balanced” propaganda campaign is justified, in their minds, because they invite liberals and democrats onto the Factor and Hannity show just so that they could shout over their words and distort them. But simply because they are invited, they try to convince the world that they are “fair and balanced”.

    It’s complete horseshit! And they use the tagline as an argument when they are called out on their agenda. “No! Not true…not true! We are fair and balanced…it says so right there on the screen!” They say it, so their fan base believes it. Totally ridiculous.

  7. Kris says:

    Bill O’Reilly is a tool. ‘Nuff said.

  8. Mooselet says:

    Dave, I totally love you for this sentence – “I’ve always thought that Bill O’Reilly was a complete and total fucking dumbass”. If I wasn’t married already I’d ask you to marry me. 🙂

  9. I can’t make myself go to that website or watch that crap on TV. Bill O makes my blood boil.

  10. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    ***Disclaimer: I’m not gay***

    That Pat Robertson picture next to the metal-head version of you is amazing and makes me want to at least consider the outside chance of possibly kissing you hard on the lips.

  11. Gina says:

    I wish I had the Dave Guard Internet Protection System for my computer. 🙂

    And I ask, as Avitable asks, why would you ever go to the Fox site anyway?

  12. A Lewis says:

    I saw this O’Reilly Prick on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart a few days back. Ugh. Even then, he made me sick. Like I wanted to spit up.

  13. Faiqa says:

    ::Head shakes:: Fox. News. Sucks.

  14. Finn says:

    Thank God I don’t watch Fox News. I can’t afford to keep replacing my TV after I’ve thrown something at it when O’Reilly or Hannity spews that bullshit they call the truth.

  15. TWINKIE says:

    I have no real comment on this or Fox News but I did want to say I love your “Guadalajara Dave.” Of course I’m biased because that’s near where I was born!

    I get all my news from the late light comics.

  16. ChillyWilly says:

    My favorite irony about Fox News being “fair and balanced” is exactly what you said above about how Bush was given a free pass for almost 8 years, but Obama’s not even in office yet and gets thrown under the bus every chance they can. Fair and Balanced? Meh.

    What Bush takes away from the stand up comedians, Obama gives that scapegoat back to Fox News that’s been missing since the Clinton years.

  17. annie says:

    I remember him when he was a newscaster at KATU-Portland. Who knew he’d attain such success as a dumb ass.

  18. shari says:

    On the money here, Dave. Well said.

  19. Sybil Law says:

    Bill Oreilly sucks, as does Fox. I just don’t even go there…

  20. Ren says:

    Perhaps “Fair and Balanced” is a reference to the sideshow antics of a tightrope walker?

  21. yellojkt says:

    Bill “Loofah” O’Really even gives hypocrisy a bad name.

  22. Shash says:

    Well, what do you expect from someone who used to report on celebrities? I tuned him out long ago.

    Why, you ask? Because I get my news from Entertainment Tonight. Doesn’t everybody? 😉

    On a side note, will you be making that Dave Guard Windows compatible? Ta mucho.


  23. Brandon says:

    I’m reading this minutes before I watch Bill-O on The Daily Show. What a great way to prep for that interview.

  24. Greg says:

    Just one good enema, and I’m sure O’Reilly would loosen up.

  25. Erin says:

    There is a REASON the only news-adjacent shows I watch are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Everything else just makes me want to put my head through a window!

    The sad thing for me is that I know people who will repeat everything the Fox News a-holes spout as if it were straight from God’s mouth. To me, the people who take Fox News as gospel are far more scary than the channel itself.

  26. Sarah says:

    This is why I don’t watch the news. If I want to know something I’ll just blog about wanting to know it and someone usually points me in the right direction. You guys are pretty good like that. 🙂

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