I sliced off the tip of my left-hand middle-finger. It hurts pretty bad, and hasn't stopped bleeding for hours. I've bundled it up tightly with gauze and bandages in hopes it will clot overnight. If it doesn't, I have a series of very interesting flights ahead of me in the morning.
The good news is that I got all the orders out before I maimed myself. I can't express in mere words how happy that makes me, because there were several times I didn't think it would ever end.
The bad news is that I can no longer do a double flip-off since one of my flipping fingers out of commission.
UPDATE: w00t! I wadded enough gauze around my finger to choke a horse, and was much relieved to wake up after my 4-hour "nap" to see that nothing leaked out. After carefully (and painfully) unwrapping things, I was able to cut around the part that clotted, saturate it with antibiotics, and put a Band-Aid brand adhesive bandage strip (or three) to cover it. Hopefully I can clean it up and not have to go to the doctor in Chicago.
Even better, my ability to double-flip-off people who annoy me is now restored.
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Awww. Poor David. That must of hurt.
OR…you could totally do a double flip off, with one finger being able to communicate your sentiment much more loudly.
You know me…everything is rainbows and butterflies…
OH Dave. I’m so sorry you have maimed yourself once again.
How exactly did you manage to cut of the tip of your finger?
Your flipping finger need simply sit there, I don’t see any reason why you can’t give a double bird!
Got my swag. Thanks!
*Gasps in horror at the mental image of a tipless, copiously bleeding middle finger.*
Jeez Dave, did your eye even have time to heal before you injured yourself again?
Sounds like you’re paying off some Karma. Sending good thoughts and fast-healing wishes your way.
Ouch, Dave! It’s an accident of our trade – I hope you used a fresh Exacta-Knife, it better have stopped bleeding overnight. Make sure you keep the tissue, just in case. Get well soon, man.
You got a manicurist mad, didn’t you?
I can not believe you are acting like every other co-dependent, douche bag, enabler, dude! There you are, physically maimed and disfigured and still trying to cover up for that abusive asshole monkey of yours! Dave, it’s time to wake up and face the truth. Monkeys that really love you do not buy weapons of mass destruction to use on the people they care about.
Dave I am only saying this because I feel we have bonded in a special, personal way. I know I am putting my life at monkey-risk by saying this, but it has to be said. That homicidal nutcase monkey is out of control! You need to call one of the councilors at the battered pet owners domestic shelter. Making that call is the hardest part getting your life back under control.
Oh… and just in case the Monkey reads your comments.. I think I will use the pen name
– Adam Heath
Did you ice it?
If you are still “bleeding” in the morning, that’s not good. I stay away from the local docs BUT bleeding for too long is even worse so go to a doc if it hasn’t stopped.
Sending a boo boo bunny…..
Eyeballs, your back, fingers! TOo much pain! I hope you heal up, all of you, the whole thing, very soon, and get some enormously vast expanse of time before any more shit happens to you.
Ow ow dave! Wishing your finger a speedy recovery!
You’ve really been having a bad few weeks haven’t you? Your back, your eyes, your finger…what’s next??
Ooh, I love a bit of blood and gore. Post a pic of your decapitated finger please!
Dave dude,
I’ve been following you for just about a year. (I remember ’cause you were shipping boxes and had just done a face-plant coming down the stairs or something). Anyway, since then, it seems like you’ve sliced your fingers minimum 4 or 5 times. I think we’re going to have to chip in and buy you some of those chain-mail gloves like they use on Shark Week or you’re going to end up like the Martin Balsam character in “Little Big Man”. Every few years when Dustin Hoffman’s character would come across him, again, him he’d be missing another appendage, eye, etc. We need you in one piece. OK?
In big cities, you may need to flip a bunch of people off, so it’s good to be prepared. That’s gonna hurt awhile — finger tips have so many nerve endings! Hope it heals quickly and that you have a good trip.
DUDE! You have GOT to be more careful! How many maiming incidents have occurred this week alone?!
Well, I’m glad that sucker stopped bleeding. When you get to Chicago, please look both ways before crossing the street. : )
I did this very thing a few months ago. Hurt like a motherfucker. Took forever to heal, and it’s still not quite right (i.e.there’s a distinct lopped-off side, and the cut end has different nerve sensations, but whatev). I hope yours does better. Gah, you’ve brought all the horror right back to me!
P.S. I blame my accident on Top Chef. You?
Goodness it seems I can’t come here but I find that you found some new and exciting way to injure yourself.
I hope your travels go injury-free this weekend.
I had a dream last night about getting my dave2 stuff in the mail.
I cut off the tip of my finger once playing with scissors. No matter how hard we looked, we could not find the tip, and so I told my brother – he was about 10, that my finger tip (the part that was cut off and now lost) was a zombie and in the darkest part of the night, it was going to get him.
Did you threaten anyone with your tipless finger?
ouch..
watch it for infection..
Poor you.
Ouch, ouch, ouch! If only we could get Bones from Star Trek to use one of his fancy devices to heal you!
Ow! Ow!
This sounds awful!
I hope everything heals back together the way it should.
Please tell us how this bloody event happened.
Inquiring minds want to know.
Ouchie. Although it sounds like you’ve been working your butt off getting all of these orders out, it sounds like you have had a TON of orders which is a good thing, right?
now you can double-flip-off people who mess up your burrito order
DAVID.
*puke*
You know it’s bad when you cannot execute the double flip. Glad it’s better today!
I think you need to design and build yourself a suit of cybernetic armor. No more sliced fingers, no more throwing out your back! Plus, if you built it to fly, you wouldn’t have to worry about all those fees for checking your luggage.
Wow. The “fuck people up physically” gods are really pissed with you, aren’t they? Man.
I can relate to the finger wound, though. I was slicing cukes up for the kids last year and took the tip off my left index finger. Lots of “FUCKS!” that afternoon.
Ouch. Good lord sir, be careful. I just got the willies reading about your accident. When I was a wee nipper, I decided to do the same thing to my thumb with a scythe. Good times.
Are you about done hurting yourself? ‘Cause just OW. Heal quickly…
Awww poor Dave. 🙁
Take lots of drugs. And booze.
I mean, it’s about time what with all the pain crap that has rained on you recently.
Dave… really sorry to hear about your unfortunate accident. Hope you’re feeling better.
Hey, I got my cards yesterday and they’re awesome. Thanks!