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Stupid

Posted on Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

Dave!I usually wait until the end of the day to blog because then I have a day's worth of events to pick from. But this morning after I turned on the news, I knew exactly what I was going to blog about today... there's no need to wait.

And it's this... I am so fucking sick of stupid.

Honestly, I am beyond tired of the daily bombardment of stupid that assaults me on a daily basis. Turn on the television? Stupidity. Pick up a newspaper? Stupidity. Read a magazine? Stupidity. Cruise through the internet? Heinous stupidity.

And don't think for a minute I am excluding my own blog here. I fully admit that bitching about menial crap and drawing cartoons of drunken monkeys is far from brilliant. I may joke to the contrary, but I honestly have no pretense that Blogography is anything but "stupid crap daily." In fact, as anybody who was at TequilaCon can confirm, I proudly hand out buttons proclaiming just that...

Stupid Crap Daily Buttons with Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey on them.

But the difference here is that I REALIZE this is all stupid crap, and can say with some confidence that MY stupid crap is pretty much harmless.

It's the people out there who actually BELIEVE their stupid crap... the people who are causing real damage with THEIR stupid crap... those are the ones who are making me fall to new depths of despair.

The relentless stream of hatred and intolerance. The ceaseless persecution in the name of religion and morality. The persistent propagation of lies and fraud. The never-ending pessimism and greed. There's no escaping it. For the longest time I've been able to find it all amusing by laughing it off. But it's getting harder and harder to do that. Things have gone from "so stupid it's funny" to "so stupid it's tragic."

In weighing my options for dealing with this unwelcome reality, I had seriously considered becoming an alcoholic, a drug addict, or anything that would make it easier not to care. But why punish myself for the failing of others? Why sell everything I own and run away into the mountains? Why go insane and have myself committed? Why stick my head in the microwave and turn it to maximum-defrost?

Turns out I like myself too much.

So I came up with a new solution to the problem when it was time to make my breakfast.

Introducing pudi-cake-a-cookie.

Dave's Pudi-Cake-A-Cookie Dessert on a fancy paper plate.

You start with a big dollop of chocolate pudding, float a Little Debbie "Devil Square" snack cake on it... put a dollop of pudding on top of that... stack another Devil Square cake on top... then garnish with another dollop of chocolate pudding and stick a Golden Oreo cookie on the top. Presto! Breakfast is served!

Delicious! It's hard to be angry at the stupidity of the world when you're eating a pudi-cake-a-cookie.

If only I could find a way to get some ice cream in there.

That may very well be the answer to my staying sane until the presidential election is over.


Categories: DaveLife 2008, Food 2008Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Karl says:

    Wow, that looks like a blood sugar coma if I’ve ever seen one.

  2. Tina says:

    Do you remember Pudding In a Cloud? Have you ever had it? Okay, you get a bowl (size depending on serving size preference) plop whipped cream in the bowl and make a well in the center and fill with chocolate pudding. Try it. Let me know what you think. Now, that’s not stupid.

  3. Chris says:

    Yes the stupidity is rampant and I fear contagious. Your breakfast makes my diabetes hurt, but damn it looks good!

  4. Mad William says:

    A little bit of ice cream should go between the two devil cakes.

    Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

  5. Sue says:

    Breakfast of the Gods. Looks delicious!

  6. ChillyWilly says:

    As I’ve said for years, I don’t have an issue with anyone that belongs to a religion as long as they practice it on their own terms, without forcing the rest of the world to join/follow. As soon as they inject their views and force them into law or policy, then that’s where the line gets crossed.

    That is some breakfast. I do like those Golden Oreos. They rock.

  7. serap says:

    Ooh… I like it when you blog in the morning, I get to read you on the same day that I am on! Your dietary habits leave a LOT to be desired… the thought of eating that for breakfast makes my teeth ache.

  8. Penelope says:

    Now if that came with a side order of wine I’d be all over it ;o)

  9. Hilly Sue says:

    Yesterday I was talking to Karl on the phone, recounting a story of something net-related that pissed me off and the words “bitch”, “whore”, and “slap that person’s avatar” came flying out of my mouth. Karl just laughed and said, “wow!” but soon after I realized that I had reached the sort of place you are talking about…except I was letting it get to me in the wrong way.

    So this is my way of saying that I understand. And please save that recipe for when I’m on a break from the diet cause mmm, mmm…that looks tasty!

  10. Sharon says:

    You said it so eloquently that my only response is: I feel ya.

  11. Allison says:

    Ugh… I can’t even contemplate eating something like that at 2 in the afternoon, let alone for breakfast!

  12. turnbaby says:

    Oh my YUM!!

    Yeah–stupid is the bane of my existence.

  13. Allison says:

    Ugh… I can’t even contemplate eating something like that at 2 in the afternoon, let alone for breakfast!

  14. Howard says:

    Ice Cream on the side? Regardless, I think you’ve come up with a dessert that will go down in history as… well.. as… a way to induce something. History will show what that is, I’m sure.

    Love this line: But why punish myself for the failing of others?

  15. claire says:

    Stupidity brings me to despair too, if it’s not making me furious.

    However, physicist Brian Greene was on the Colbert Report last night promoting the World Science Festival going on now in NYC, and that makes me feel a little better.

    This is my kind of mission statement:
    “To cultivate and sustain a general public informed by the content of science, inspired by its wonder, convinced of its value, and prepared to engage with its implications for the future.”

  16. Sandie says:

    You are my hero. That sounds like a fantastic breakfast! The only thing that could improve upon such greatness would be ice cream. :)

  17. Tracy Lynn says:

    I’m thinking that instead of using pudding to anchor the cookie, you could use a scoop of ice cream.

    Oh yeah, I’m a PROBLEM SOLVER.

  18. Lewis says:

    Right on, big boy! Say it out! Stupidity does no one any good. Now, as for “Float a Little Debbie”??? At first, I thought you meant something else. And then I realized you were just exhibiting your Food Network cooking skills and vocabulary.

  19. Finn says:

    There was a play called “Stop The World, I Want To Get Off.” As much as I want to, there’s no where to go. Yet.

    And breakfast? Oh yes, I’ll have some!

  20. Colin Brooks says:

    I want one right now! That picture alone made all the saliva in my glands rush into my mouth and overflow. I am officially drooling!

    Unfortunately stupidity is all around. I’ve tried to avoid it before but it didn’t work. Now I have accepted it. I simply acknowledge it and move on. I wish there was more I could do but I have better things to do. So I let the stupid people be stupid and I stay as far away from them as possible (I don’t to catch it). And you’re not stupid, nor is your blog. You’ve seen what’s out there.

  21. Dustin says:

    Watching Nancy Grace reruns will do that to you.

    As for the pudding-devil-cake thing…I’ll take 8. You accept out of state checks, right?

  22. pudi-cake-a-cookie. Genius.

  23. Brandon says:

    There’s a difference between intelligent stupid and stupid stupid. Your blog is intelligent stupid.

    Unfortunately, stupidity and ignorance are like currency in America right now. You can gain a lot more or at least suffer less heartache from acting like a complete idiot these days.

  24. Robin says:

    Let’s hope you are not allergic to any of that. Keep that epi-pen handy!

  25. kapgar says:

    If it wasn’t for sheer stupidity, I’d have nothing to blog about and then what?

    I will take a pudi-cake-a-cookie, though. Looks awesome! What kind of sugar high did you have to be on to create that gem?

  26. Make me one. Does it reduce hives???

  27. Belinda says:

    You have the worst diet of any vegetarian I ever knew. I have no idea why that endears you to me, but it does.

  28. Michelle says:

    If you eat that everytime you hear or see something studip. You’ll need the jaws of life to squeeze through your door.

  29. Cap says:

    I never need an excuse for chocolate, so I was wondering …. what exactly pissed you off this morning?

  30. Dave2 says:

    Pretty much every single item on the news this morning…

  31. Iron Fist says:

    I almost went into insulin shock just looking at that picture. That being said, I think I’ll go make one.

  32. Robin says:

    Maybe you are allergic to….. the news?

    ; )

    And if you do run away to live in the mountains, can you find a cave with WIFI so you can keep in touch with all of us?

  33. kilax says:

    I just read this out loud to Steven as his bedtime story. I haven’t heard him laugh so loud in a long time!

    (I wasn’t trying to put him to sleep, we just happen to be in bed using our computers :) )

  34. Bec says:

    You. Seriously. Are my new dessert guru. Avi for dinner, you for dessert.

    Wait, that came out wrong…

  35. Karen says:

    Wait, why are there no Nutty Bars in that mix? Maybe they could be used as support to keep the ice cream stable, thereby allowing it to be used as a foundation for the first Devil Cake. Hmm. I’d better run across to the corner market for supplies and test this out for you.

  36. Will says:

    That pudding cake looks like the best idea I’ve seen in months. That will keep us all fat and happy.

  37. Winter says:

    Loaded chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream… with a pudding chaser. Little Debbie makes me gag. ;) Those white oreos look yummy tho.

  38. Stacey says:

    And to think I felt guilty for wanting a donut for breakfast.

  39. Patty says:

    Looks like a nice dinner there…..tasty.

    I agree there is too much crapola in the world. I don’t watch the news much or the pres. race, just keeping too busy and it makes me depressed or something. Think that’s why I like to go around and read blogs for entertainment.

    Hope you had no more allergic reactions!

  40. Psssh! Don’t be callin’ one of my favorite blogs stoopid.

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