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Shells

Posted on Thursday, April 17th, 2008

Dave!As I left for work this morning, the adorable old couple that lives next door were screaming at each other. Again. This time over how to dispose of eggshells properly. I can't help but feel that one of these days I'm going to see CSI over there picking up body parts, because these bitches will fight over anything.

I mean, eggshells? Really?

And now, before I forget, here is the latest meme creeping through the blogosphere (thanks Hilly and Jenny!)... a personal slogan generator!

   

Your Slogan Should Be
Do You Have Dave Inside?
The Slogan Generator

   

Yeah, baby! Like that's not embarrassing.

Every morning I have my choice of four routes to work. Which route I take depends on a number of factors which are balanced in my head until the least offensive route is determined. For example, if there's a train rolling through town, I'll take the Goodwin Bridge to the highway because its the only route that has an overpass.

Of all the ways I can get to work, the one that bothers me the most is the Pioneer Avenue route. Not only because it's a continuous school zone that enforces a 20mph speed limit, but because there's a sight along the way which bugs the crap out of me. Take a look at this...

Yard Lamp

Yes, it's a yard light. And there's nothing wrong with a yard light... plenty of people have them... the problem is this...

Yard Lamp

WTF? Why would you put a single yard light directly next to a street light? What purpose does it serve? It's not even located by a walkway going to the house! So why? What's it doing there? And if you simply MUST double-light that section of your yard, why would you make a mini version of the street light next to it? Why? Why? Why? Is it supposed to be some kind of optical illusion or something?

Every time I drive past that stupid light, I start freaking out.

And this morning I have to drive this route while I'm already freaking out because one of my neighbors is probably laying dead in my driveway with eggshells scattered over their corpse.

The stress of living in a small town is really starting to wear on me. I need to move to the relative sanity you find in a big city.


Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. delmer says:

    To the owner’s credit, he does have the sense to turn it off when it’s light outside. (Not that I’m taking sides.)

    Or, it that a deceptively light photo?

  2. Janna says:

    First it said my slogan should be:
    “Have you ever had a bad time in Janna?”

    After recoiling in horror, I tried it again, and got this instead:
    “Don’t Just Cover Up Bad Odors. Get Janna!”

  3. Mik says:

    Eggshells, chuck them down the waste disposal, helps sharpen the blades or sumthing, that’s what the wife tells me anyhoo.

  4. Winter says:

    That light is totally out of whack. It ruins the symmetry of the lights! GRRRRR. It’s annoying.

    My slogan is: Winter; What You’d Eat if You Lived on Mars

    Too funny.

  5. Lewis says:

    You’re freaking out over a street lamp? Or, shall we say, one too many street lamps? Medication, perhaps?

  6. suze says:

    your slogan goes with mine – Smile! You are in Suze. Yeah…not at all inappropriate… ;)

  7. Shiny says:

    It looks like a baby street light learning the tricks of the trade from its parents.

    Okay, son. When that car drives by, go out — just like that! It’ll freak the crap out of the driver who thinks he’s electronagnetic or something…

  8. Amanda says:

    My slogan is “what happens in Amanda, stays in Amanda”.

    I can’t decide if that’s true or not

  9. Mrs RW says:

    Mine was: Mrs RW: It’s what’s for dinner. At my age?

  10. sizzle says:

    Oh yeah baby, I’ve got Dave inside.

    What? Inside my HEART. Get your mind outta the gutter. (That’s likely where your eggshell-covered neighbor is lying anyhow.)

  11. Iron Fist says:

    Portland would welcome you with open arms. We have great Thai food here!

    (Of course, Portland is really just a small town masquerading as a big city. It took me a while to figure this out.)

  12. claire says:

    “Claire. Love Every Bite.” Not sure if I’m biting or getting bitten with that slogan.

  13. jake titus says:

    “Jake Titus, first man, then machine.” Dave you got me all pumped up! It makes me want to knock down street lights with my car!

  14. Colin Brooks says:

    Haha! That photo made me laugh out loud. I would not be able to keep my eyes off that light either. It is a little creepy and funny at the same time.

    You should caption it. “When I grow up, I’m going to be a real street light!”

    By the way, why are the other lights still on when it’s day? Do they not switch them off during the day?

  15. “Dsilkotch. What’s The Worst That Could Happen?”

    I laughed a bit too hard at this. Okay, so it’s been a rough month…

  16. Chris says:

    The relative anonymity of a large city is nice at times as well. Though you get recognized in NYC, so maybe not so anonymous for you…

  17. OMG! Bust a gut. I feel you, Debora. This was hilarious.

  18. Kyra says:

    OK, I tried the slogan thing and I got:

    “Have You Ever had a Bad Time in Kyra?”

    I won’t be posting that one on my blog. I tried it again and got:

    “Kyra; What You’d Eat if You Lived on Mars”

    I’m giving up.

  19. Penelope says:

    Maybe the owners of the light were having a lion, witch and wardrobe moment? (Too obscure?)
    My slogan (as I commented to Hilly also) was “Penelope, delightfully tacky, yet unrefined” Oh so true ;o)

  20. eggshells? really? thanks for the reminder to NEVER get married. sheesh.

    you can come live in pittsburgh. i’ll be gentle.

    love your slogan…mine is “Once You Go Becky. You’ll Never Go Back.”

  21. ChillyWilly says:

    “Do you have Dave Inside”

    That’s what she said… he he… (i know, juvenile comment, but it’s what came to me when reading that).

    This morning’s slogan for me is:
    “Marty. Hand-built by Robots.” Sweet. I hope I’m related to Bender somehow.

  22. Hilly Sue says:

    Damn, Gina. That gives a whole new meaning to “walking on eggshells”.

  23. DutchBitch says:

    I can honestly say “NO” as a reply to your slogan… Err I think… yeah… pretty sure.. ish…

    My slogan turned out to be:
    Once you go DutchBitch, you never go back!

    Heh…

  24. Dave2 says:

    Delmer… I don’t think he ever turns the light on… even at night. It’s entirely possible that it is exclusively decorative, with no light inside?

    Janna… I recoiled in horror at mine, but decided to keep it in case things got worse!

    Mik… That could be what they were screaming about. It’s hard to tell with them sometimes.

    Winter… Apparently Martians have good taste!

    Lewis… I have plenty of meds left over from my kidney stone, perhaps I should start taking them?

    Suze… Well, at least yours had the benefit of making it sound as if it were a good thing with the smiling and all!

    Shiny… Even an explanation like that would be preferable to the stuff that goes through my head each time I drive by.

    Amanda… I would have a harder time deciding if that was a good thing or a bad thing!

    Mrs. RW… But of course! We’d serve you up with a nice red sauce and a bottle of wine… you’d be delicious, I’m sure!

    Sizzle… I’m scared to even think about the many ways that the scenario next door could end up. Covered in eggshells in the gutter would be one of the better outcomes. :-)

    Iron Fist… Spokane is kind of the same way. It’s interesting how the mentality is so different between a small-big city and a big-big city.

    Claire… I’m pretty sure you’re being served up to be bitten, I’m afraid.

    Jake… I hear that. I feel like running down a particular light with my car every time I drive by it.

    Colin… I think they are working on them or something. When I noticed that they were lit up, it’s what made me think to finally take a photo. They usually aren’t on in daylight hours.

    Debora… Well, there’s nothing worse than can happen with Dave2, so I think you’re safe!

    Chris… Yes. It’s a real bitch when you are as incredibly famous as I am. You got the paparazzi and reporters and news cameras… why can’t I just be left alone? =sob!=

    Brent… But I notice that you didn’t run your OWN personal slogan here… :-D

    Kyra… The problem with “Have you ever had a bad time in Kyra” is that it invites a critique, and I don’t think I could handle that. Mine is a simple yes or no question, so I’m pretty safe.

    Penelope… Well, their house is hardly Narniariffic, but maybe. Looking at your slogan has me jealous. I think that’s the one I would pick for myself.

    HelloHaHaNarf… I love Pittsburgh. I really want to go back one of these days. I’m having a hard time deciding if these people were combative from the start… or if they grew old and cranky together over the years.

    ChillyWilly… I’d hope for a shiny metal ass so I could tell everybody to bite it! Gotta love Bender.

    Hilly Sue… Indeed. I still don’t know exactly what it was all about. But the old man did something that the old woman didn’t like with the eggshells, and she was making sure the entire neighborhood knew about it!

    DutchBitch… I think I’d remember if you’ve had Dave inside… but then I forgot how I came to that conclusion, so I guess anything is possible.

  25. Tuli says:

    My slogan:

    Tuli. Love Every Bite.

    My question is, am I the biter…or the bitee?

    Totally stole your meme, Dave.

  26. Sue says:

    Hrm. Looks like something somebody in my town would do.

  27. Belinda says:

    You should have helpfully suggested that they COMPOST their eggshells. I bet that would’ve gone over big. And now I have to go play with the slogan generator.

  28. whall says:

    Dude. don’t make like you don’t know that we use these kind of streetlamps to hide the cameras. What kind of secret society member ARE you anyway?

    Oh, and mine was “Put Up with Wayne or Put Up With Anything”

    How apropos.

  29. I love it when you tell stories about your next door neighbors. That’s hilarious.

    You do get creeped out by weird things.

  30. Naomi says:

    “Once you go Naomi, you never go back.”

    Yea… that generator’s cool.

  31. Mr. Fabulous says:

    I know you are not supposed to put eggshells in the garbage disposal, but I can’t remember why…

  32. Stacey says:

    My slogan: “Stacey. Not for everyone.”

    I think I’m offended.

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