It's Bullet Sunday from lovely Salt Lake City, Utah!
Where I may very well be spending the entire day in bed.
• Skittles! OMG! WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THAT THEY NOW MAKE CHOCOLATE-MIX SKITTLES?? Each bag-full has five yummy flavors: S'mores, Chocolate Caramel, Vanilla, Brownie Batter, and... wait for it... CHOCOLATE PUDDING, BITCHES!! Just look at my most excellent breakfast this morning...
• Stones! But my happiness at discovering Chocolate Mix Skittles is seriously dampened by the constant mind-blowing pain of a kidney stone that has long since worn out its welcome. Unless doped up on drugs all day long, my entire groin aches as if I'm being kicked in the balls every two seconds...
I am so ready for this to be over.
• Galactica! I was too drugged to watch the season premiere of Battlestar Galactica on Friday, so I've got it at home sitting on my TiVo. But I really wanted to watch it last night. First I tried every legal option available to me. iTunes Music Store? Not sold there. Streaming from the official site? Yes, but Sci-Fi Channel's streaming sucks ass by stalling every 10 seconds. BitTorrent it is then! This is really f#@%ing stupid on Sci-Fi Channel's part. Had they been selling their shows on iTunes, they would have got a double purchase from me... once so I could watch it now, and again when the DVD is released (just as I've bought all the other Battlestar Galactica DVDs). Why is it these dumb-f#@% networks STILL don't understand how to distribute their shit? They'd rather bitch and moan about how internet piracy is killing their profits WHEN THEY'RE THE DUMBASSES WHO CAUSE THE PIRACY IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Cry me a river, bitches. It's really a shame too, because this show is amazing. The space battles are about the best I've ever seen.
• Chilly! Long-time Blogography commenter and fellow blogger from Banal Leakage, Marty (better known here as ChillyWilly) was kind enough to bring along his fiance and join me for dinner at the Salt Lake City landmark: The Rio Grande Cafe. Since I was whacked out on pain-killers, who knows if I was coherent for the evening... but that's probably true whether I am drugged-up or not...
• Skank! On my way walking to dinner last night, a car full of girls at a stop light started screaming obscenities my way, saying things like "SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TEACH YOU TO FUCK LIKE A MAN!" I should have ignored them but, because this is me we're talking about, I screamed back "AND SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TEACH YOU TO DOUCHE YOU FILTHY WHORE!!" I didn't think anything of it until the three of us were walking back from The Gateway after dinner when another car of girls pulled up and started screaming crap like "YOU'RE THE KIND OF MAN I'M LOOKING FOR!" What the hell? But then it was explained to me that they were not yelling at me... they were yelling at the Mormons walking next to us. Remembering back, I realized that I probably wasn't the intended "victim" the first time either, because there was a group of Mormons walking behind me then (there's a huge convention for the Latter Day Saints Church here in town, so they're everywhere). Seriously, WTF?!? Dumbass ugly bitches in this city drive around screaming crap at Mormons to feel better about themselves? It wouldn't have been any less stupid had they been hot, but these were so not hot-looking babes. They were skanky trolls hanging out with other skanky trolls so they could make fun of clean-cut Mormon guys who are too decent and kind to fight back. I suppose for these ugly-ass skanks, it's the closest thing to being in a relationship with a man that they're going to get without a crack-pipe being involved. Is there anything more ironic and sad?
• Founded! Okay, I can't let this go... Salt Lake City was BUILT by Mormons. They MADE this place. This is THEIR city. The came here to make a home of their own after being persecuted everywhere else for their religious beliefs (go America!). You'd think that the butt-ugly bitches that drive around harassing Mormon guys would show a little fucking respect. You may not care for their religion, but is that any reason to treat them like crap in a city their people founded to get away from exactly this type of bullshit? Instead of tormenting guys who are just trying to live their lives in peace, why not go build your own city... a city where toxic ugly bitches can go be miserable without bugging the shit out of the rest of us. I wish society would fucking grow up and learn tolerance, because this stupid shit really sets me on edge.
• Beauty! And now, because I refuse to close out this entry with such ugliness, some photos I took on my trip yesterday...
While I was eating my Qdoba Breakfast Burrito, I looked out the giant glass windows of the Sea-Tac Airport food court and was stunned to see that a shaft of light was cutting through the horizon, illuminating the mountains in a way that made them look as if they were floating. I threw down my food and hauled ass towards the windows so I could capture the moment, but none of the pictures came close to reproducing the staggering sight. Perhaps if you use your imagination, you can kind of see what I'm talking about here...
But not really. Oh well. It was truly jaw-dropping, and by the time I gave up trying to photography it, a bunch of people had crowded around the windows to take a look.
I've published so many from-the-air shots here, but I really liked the way this one turned out as I was flying over southern Idaho...
And, lastly, here's The Great Salt Lake as I descended into SLC...
Breakfast has me feeling much better, so I think it might be time to get out of bed and go get some soup! I swear, some of the best soups on earth are to be found in Salt Lake City...
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And you’re probably a legend at church this morning.
“Some guy stood up for us last night…starting calling these girls dirty whores! It was GREAT, man!”
Chocolate Skittles? No way!
I don’t live in fear of many things, but stones of any kind are one thing that I really, really don’t want to get. I’ve had too many friends tell me that it’s the worst pain of their entire life. I’m a man, I don’t need to feel the pain of childbirth.
Really? Mormon bashing in SLC? The ladies driving around must wear out their vocal chords by the end of the night because they would be yelling at half the guys walking around. Maybe not, most of the guys would be home with their kids by the time.
And you’re probably a legend at church this morning.
“Some guy stood up for us last night…starting calling these girls dirty whores! It was GREAT, man!”
Very nice thesaurus use in that “Skank!” bullet. No wonder you used a lot of obscenities there…who does that shit?
It’s really too bad that the phrases “aching in my groin” and “fuck like a man” couldn’t have been used in a post with a much different meaning than this one ;).
Stunning view of the mountains. And I thought America was all flat like the desert-esque landscape here in TX.
So the Skittles were good? I might have to try them.
Doesn’t surprise me that SciFi doesn’t use iTunes since they’re owned by NBC/Universal. I still haven’t watched the premiere either.
Are mormons still wearing funny hats?
You’ve had a rough week, honey… hope the next week goes much better for you!
I want a bag of those SKITTLES!!! I wanna taste the chocolate rainbow!!!!!
p.s. hope you feel better soon, big (and gentle) hug.
Finally I can enjoy Skittles?
Oh, happy day!
OMG! No one told me about the Skittles either. And your breakfast looks delish to me. My back is out. I could use some of your drugs. LOL I love that pic of the Cascades. Makes me yearn to visit my relatives in Aberdeen and smell the wood pulp from the mill once more… Hope you pass that stone soon!
Dude that first pic. of the mountains is great, I think if you could cut off the bottom half and take out the light pole it would make an awesome header background.
“why not go build your own city… a city where toxic ugly bitches can go be miserable without bugging the shit out of the rest of us.”
^That may be ugly, but it’s also terribly funny. I completely agree with your sentiments. I am not a religious guy but there is definitely a need for tolerance from those who believe and from those who do not.
I really like that second photo from the plane. That’s a dream of a shot, one that I’ve tried to take a couple times but I’ve never been lucky enough to get great cloud formations like the ones you captured.
I happen to live a couple hours north of SLC in Idaho “Mormon territory” and even though I am definitely not a Mormon, I show them respect.
They are decent to me, so I am decent to them.
Beautiful pics, btw. 🙂
I’ve only been to SLC once briefly, but I thought it was a beautiful city. I’ve got some pics here if you scroll down a ways.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Conference Center is a really cool building. (Across the street from the Tabernacle.)
Love your above-the-clouds shot, Dave! Hope you’re feeling better soon!
The lake looks a lot better than when I was there a year and a half ago. I think they were at the tail end of a drought then.
Hulu.com has the new episode of BSG and it doesn’t freeze up every 10 seconds like the SciFi player, but the audio quality is actually terrible if you have good speakers. On my desktop with a 5.1 setup the hiss is so bad that it actually sounds like a storm is roaring outside the house when I play a video. Hulu is worth mentioning as a free, legal option, but it still doesn’t hold a candle to just torrenting it…
Maybe they should trek across the desert and create a city where like minded people can live freely. Skanksville has a nice ring to it. Remind me to never visit should its creation become a reality.
I did not know this about Skittles! I might actually eat those.
Nice photoshop asshole. I just checked the official Skittles site and chocolate Skittles DON’T EXIST!!!
Are you fucking kidding me?
Yeah… you got me… I have nothing better to do than create imaginary candy for my blog. Way to go Veronica Mars.
Dave, who are you saying that to?
I changed my mind and deleted the comment, but forgot to delete my reply. Since the cat is out of the bag, I recovered it and published it above.
Oh Galactica was all kinds of awesome. So glad it’s back on. The photo of the mountains in the background is amazing sir.
I like to make fun of all religion, but never to a person’s face. That’s tacky.
Um, Google is your friend Candyman. Try educating yourself before you talk.
(um since the cat is already out of the bag, I thought I would poke it)
Silly Hilly… EVERYBODY is making it up! Chocolate Mix Skittles are an internet conspiracy!
I noticed the Chocolate Skittles at the local Wal Mart several weeks ago. I was very tempted at the time to try them but resisted. I guess now I will have to try them. But wait….I can’t….it was just a figment of my imagination. Damn! I hate it when that happens.
Love the monkey graphics.
Candyman, you moron. It should be fairly obvious from the context of the picture that Chocolate Mix Skittle DO exist, but are so potent that they are only sold by prescription. Duh!
I love Battlestar, but I was a little confused with Sam’s eye thing and Starbuck being back and I actually verbalized “Jackasses” when the ‘To Be Continue…” came up.
Finally getting around to commenting.
It was great to meet up with you for dinner and walk around, breathe in all of the Apple goodness at the Apple store. Just wish it would have been a bit warmer. But you were 100% coherent and my fiance thinks you are just as humorous and witty in person as you are in the blogs.
Hope you enjoy the rest of your stay here. And since LDS conference is done today, you won’t have to hear skanky bitch comments coming from a nearby car… at least not in reference to guys in white shirts and suits.
Ah, Vahid, you make me laugh. First of all, SCREW YOU, DAVE, for showing me those chocolate Skittles! Two of my favorite things are chocolate and Skittles! I frakking hate diabetes.
Secondly, how the frak (yeah, I saw the premiere, bitch) can anyone tell who’s Mormon and who’s not just by looking at them?
Thirdly, Candyman, candy companies routinely test new flavors in numerous markets around the country to see how they sell before launching them nationwide. I just saw three new flavors of Stride gum the other day. Came home, looked up the flavors on the Internet and whaddya know? The flavors weren’t on the site. Geez, with a name like Candyman you think you’d know about such matters.
The white shirts, slacks, ties, short hair, and their “Elder” badges kind of give them away…
Oy! No SPOILERS! Dave said he hasn’t seen BSG yet!
Although during those two weekends a year here in Salt Lake, there’s a LOT of suits, slacks and white shirts with NO tags that say “Elder” running around downtown.
As for the Chocolate Skittles, they are very real and are in most of the stores I visited today. I do what I can to avoid Wal-Mart, but they had 4 different sizes: from the 50-cent size all the way to the 41 oz bag with a ziplock enclosure. And as someone who likes vanilla (almost as much as I like cherry), I have to say they are pretty good.
And all Candyman had to do was google and pick the first result to find this.
There’s even a cool commercial (in YouTube format) at the end of the above blog entry.
Unless of course, there is a rash of multiple bloggers faking new candy. Then I stand corrected.
Hey Candyman, not that Dave needs anybody to fight his fight, but I’ve seen the Chocolate Mix Skittles in stores a few times. I live in Geneva, IL, and saw them in local Walgreen’s in Geneva and Naperville. Before you decide to make yourself look like a horse’s ass, try considering that not all Web sites are updated all the time and that this product may be in test marketing right now only in certain locations. This concept alone would explain why it’s not on the Web site because they don’t want people asking about it. Moron.
I really really want those fake Skittles now, so I can fake my enjoyment. I wonder if Candyman is good at picking up on other fakes in his life, if you know what I mean.
I hope you’re on the mend, Dave. My groin is starting to hurt, watching Bad Monkey kick you repeatedly, and I don’t have the equipment.
1) Yay! Animated gif’s work on my blackberry!
2) Yay! I too have bsg recorded and haven’t watched it yet!
Oh man, I just Wikipedia’d “kidney stone” and am wishing I hadn’t.
Trust me, If I could send you morphine through the interwebs, I would.
Hang in there.
Awww, I just watched a thing on CNN I think it was on the Mormons. Those poor people…and the people who insult them on their turf…They should have a Mormon Mafia! Hehheh
What a loser. Fake candy…he’s one Skittle short of a full bag, for sure.
I enjoy a good crotch punch. No wait, I enjoy watching a good crotch punch – but that cartoon totally made MY groin hurt.
On of the most beautiful sights I’ve seen is the mountains when walking out of a Target in Salt Lake City. Simply gorgeous.
Sorry, I misunderstood, I thought you had eventually seen the premiere. I won’t do that again!