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Disney World: Day One

Posted on Thursday, December 13th, 2007

Dave!"Would you like to join our parade?" the cast member says, shaking her little tambourine and smiling.

"Your parade? Join your parade in the middle of my dinner? I'd rather light my pubes on fire and jump into a vat of gasoline. I'd prefer to be struck by lightning. I would rather be attacked by wild beavers with a hunger for human flesh. I'd dance naked while holding a lightning rod in each hand during a thunderstorm first. I'd rather eat goat scrotum smeared with bat guano and dipped in cockroach larvae. There is nothing I'd like less than to join your parade, so no... not really." --- Is what I WANTED to say. What I ACTUALLY said was "no thanks."

Yes, heaven help me, I'm back at Walt Disney World...


I used to visit Disney World at least once a year during my trips to Orlando, but gradually lost interest. Five years ago I stopped altogether. The closest I've gotten was a quick stop at Universal Studios 3-1/2 years ago. It just stopped being fun. But a lot has been changed and added over the past half-decade, and so here I am again.

I usually stay at the Wilderness Lodge (my favorite) or The Contemporary Resort (so convenient)... but, no matter where I stay, I always end up making my way to Port Orleans for breakfast a couple times because they have the best freshly-made beignets (French donuts) outside of New Orleans. This time I decided to cut out all the pretense and just stay at the Port Orleans Resort so I could have beignets for breakfast every morning, which is what I've really been wanting all along. It's not as cool as the other Disney properties I've been to, but still nicely appointed and clean.

Thanks to Disney's "Magical Express" shuttle service, I skipped baggage claim at Orlando International Airport (Disney waits for your bags and puts them in your room for you) and headed straight for check-in. Since it was 6:30pm, everything was about ready to close except MGM Disney Studios, so that's where I went. It's my least favorite of the four parks, so it would be nice to get it out of the way...

• Twilight Zone Tower of Terror (x2). I was confused a few months ago when I rode the Disney California Adventure version of this ride, because it wasn't the same as the Florida version. Here, your elevator car actually leaves the elevator shaft for a "trip through the fifth dimension" before rolling into the drop shaft (unlike the California version, which never leaves the shaft). It's a better experience, but the part that everybody comes for (the drops) is the same. Wikipedia Link.
• Aerosmith Rock 'n' Roller Coaster. A fast-launch roller-coaster "dark" ride in the vein of Space Mountain that's actually pretty cool. Of course, I'd ride it just to see the ever-amazing Ileana Douglas (who plays the band's manager) because she's one of my favorite actresses. Wikipedia Link.
• Star Tours. This ride is badly dated and desperately needs to be upgraded (it's not even as cool as Back To The Future: The Ride that was just closed at Universal Studios!), but I always ride it just in case it's the last time I'll be able to do so. Rumor has it that Lucas is working on a revamp which will center around the prequels crap (a pod-race, or whatever) which freaks me out because he'll probably shit all over the ride with Jar Jar Binks, unnecessary banthas, and other stupid dumbassery. Wikipedia Link.

And that was that. Four rides in under two hours is pretty good by Disney standards. All that was left was dinner, which consisted of Disney's always-delicious cheese pizza and apple slices with caramel for dessert.

I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow. But I'm sure it will be "magical" because I've heard that word at least a hundred times since I've arrived here.

Categories: Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Hilly says:

    Yeah, ever since you snorted at our puny little Tower of Terror ride, I’ve felt a deep need to get to Orlando and ride the one at Disney World! Cause that truly is my favorite ride here…so I am guessing that *there*, I’d be triple ecstatic! Glad you are having magical big fun :).

  2. Whit says:

    There is a lot of new stuff waiting for you, like the Mission to Mars and Everest rides. I haven’t been since they opened either.

    Word is that Disney Studios is working in the shadows to actually bring a whole ‘Lucasland’ to the park. Lots and lots of Star Wars.

    I just had beignets in New Orleans Square the other day at Disneyland. They were tasty. I wonder if they’re the same as WDW.

  3. ChillyWilly says:

    Deja vu for me on those rides. When I was there last week, I rode the Tower of Terror and Rock n Roller Coaster several times each.

    I agree that the Tower of Terror at Disney’s Calif. Adventure (or DCA for short) isn’t the same ride. It was nice to have the car actually travel through the hall before it puts you in the drop zone.

    As I mentioned in a previous comment, you need to get to Animal Kingdom and ride Everest Expedition. I really liked it and thought it was a blast.

    Much agreed about Star Tours, but you got to ride it at least once. For a ride that’s been around for 21 years with no changes, it’s certainly in need of an update.

  4. kilax says:

    Oh, I’m so jealous! I wish I could be there.

  5. Anthony says:

    Man, that’s bringing back loadsa memories from last year. I wish I was back there.

  6. ajooja says:

    I have to go to Disney every year for a conference. It was fun at first, then painful. Now, it just is what it is.

    That being said, the Aerosmith Rockin’ Rollercoaster is my favorite ride there. Mission Space is pretty good too. I didn’t go to any of the parks this year, but I’d like to try Soarin in March. That one looks great.

    My favorite thing to do in Orlando is indoor skydiving at SkyVenture. You have to call for an appointment first but it is, by far, the most fun thing I’ve ever done with my clothes on. I can’t recommend it enough.
    (407) 903-1150

    I’m serious, Dave. You will love it.

  7. Arewn says:

    I rode the Tower of Terror about a year ago with a 7 year old and her grandfather and all three of us had to put our stomachs back down our throats by the end. I actually had no idea what the ride was about before going on it. It was a blast.

  8. Wayne says:

    Last time I was at Epcot/Disney World was… um… *thinks back* 1984 I think. 14 years old. PERFECT time and place for an adolescent boy to get hooked on technology. They had voice-controlled mice even!

  9. bogup says:

    Sounds fun Dave2. And apple slices with carmel, too! Besides the weather must be just a bit better than your last stop, eh? But then I get to go to San Diego at the end of the month.

  10. Foo says:

    Rock n’ Roller Coaster is my favorite. I’m so jealous. I love Disney World and all of the Disney Theme parks. Grab Mickey’s ass for me – we go way back.

  11. Bre says:

    It really is a magical place! 🙂

  12. Gecko Rock says:

    In 38 years, I have never been to Walt Disney World. I’m so sad, but not as sad as a ride with Jar Jar Binks. That would suck monkey balls.

  13. lizriz says:

    Tower of Terror at Orlando has a better drop than the one at Disneyland, too. 🙂

  14. Karl says:

    Yay, Tower of Terror! There are some new rides at Epcot and Animal Kingdom that I wouldn’t mind riding. I’m trying to work a way to Orlando while you’re there, we’ll see.

  15. Mr. Fabulous says:

    I didn’t know there were wild beavers with a taste for human flash at Disney World. Is that a new attraction?

  16. Tonya says:

    I think you need a personal “experience” coordinator to travel around the world with you. I’ll start packing.

    Until then, a quick question: do you find Media Temple plays well with Apple Mail, or have you had issues with the two?

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