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Posted on Tuesday, November 6th, 2007

Dave!Most unproductive day ever.

Seriously. That time I had killer diarrhea and spent two days on the toilet was more productive. Even when I had kidney stones and was so doped up on pain-killers that I was hallucinating, I managed to get more work done. I'd go so far as to say that I managed to get more projects completed during a drunken weekend in Vegas where I spent 48 hours in bed with whores (a hooker's ass makes the perfect laptop stand when your hotel room doesn't have a desk*). I think the only way I could have got less work done today would be if I was in a coma.

I absolutely loathe unproductive days because all the work that didn't get done still has to happen sometime.

In this case, it'll probably be my weekend.


* Hookers make you pay extra for that, however.**

** And be aware that modern laptops generate a lot of heat, so it's best to use protection.***

*** Fortunately, there's a bible in most hotel night-stands which makes a terrific heat barrier and can guard against a burnt ass. Because, let's face it, nobody wants to take their hooker to the ER with scorched buttocks.****

**** Though a bible cannot protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, so you'll still need condoms.*****

***** Oh the irony...

Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Brandon says:

    While sometimes I get bored with my job, I do love the fact that as soon as I leave, it’s over. I never have work to do on my own time. What can I say, I’m a 9-5 kind of guy.

  2. The Chad says:

    you seem to have put a lot of thought into these possible scenarious.

    I like it.

  3. borysSNORC says:

    Hookers + Laptop + Bible = Condom
    Interesting equation 🙂


  4. Avitable says:

    You too?

    I feel the same way. Like I somehow need another weekend to recharge.

  5. Robin says:

    I have spent all this week in meetings. Talking about what we need to be doing, but I have accomplished nothing—because I am in meetings all day. Aaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!

  6. Hilly says:

    I love it when you talk about whores ;).

  7. Anonymous says:

    now imagining you using a hooker desk

  8. amanda says:

    ohhhh so that’s why they put the bible in every hotel room. I’ve always wondered….

  9. plink says:

    What? No picture of Little Dave and Bad Monkey with a laptop on a hooker’s ass? I am saddened at this blatant disregard for such an opportunity…

  10. sizzle says:

    i hate unproductive days too unless i planned for them to be that way. but even then they make me uncomfortable.

  11. ajooja says:

    “Hooker’s Ass” would be a great name for a band, or maybe a dive bar.

  12. Whit says:

    Oddly enough most hookers will pretend to be a chair for free. Go figure.

    I don’t even know what that means.

  13. franky says:

    You’d need a damn expensive hooker to make her match the exquisite Mac style.

    On another note, I joined the Mac army… and loathe to admit it, but even not 5 days later I sold my Windows (Vista) laptop.
    Would that have been an asstop if I lived i Vegas?)

  14. Wayne says:

    The single biggest reason I have a blackberry is to make toilet time more productive.

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