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Fire

Posted on Monday, November 12th, 2007

Dave!I am not a candle person.

Which would put me firmly into the minority of the candle-loving masses who buy candles by the hundreds. Except I was given a nice candle recently (smells like pear!), so I thought I might as well spark it up so I have something good to smell while I work. Problem is, I couldn't find any way to light it.

My old lighter was empty. There's not a match to be found anywhere. I couldn't even get the flint in my car emergency kit to work. How sad is it that a grown man can't make fire? Just when I was about to pack it in and go live in a cave, I thought to go looking through my massive souvenir collection to see if I might have saved a matchbook from somewhere. Fortunately, I did have one that I snagged from a restaurant in Korea, so my quest for fire was at an end...

Dave Fire

And there was fire, and the fire smelled good.

But something else sure stinks...

What is with all these stupid-ass commercials for the film Love in the Time of Cholera? If I were to write down all the movies that I would most NOT like to see, I'm pretty sure it would top my list right now. Don't get me wrong, if you like to watch weepy period romance dramas, more power to you, but I'd rather be kicked in the balls by Morten Andersen that sit through this crap. And the commercials are only making things worse.

I mean, Love in the Time of Cholera? Seriously?

Mmmmmm... I smell pears!


Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Robin says:

    and I thought I was the only one ostracized from society for not being a candle person! Yes, the word ‘freak’ has been lobbed in my direction for not wanting to set fire to things in my home.

  2. The Chad says:

    Wha?? Cholera isn’t sexy? Damn, I should stop listing that in my craigslist personals ad.

  3. amanda says:

    I agree, that movie looks so bad. I hate period romances.

  4. Heather says:

    I think the same thing whenever I see commercials for that flick. Really…nothing says romance like cholera. I’m getting hot just thinking about it.

  5. Saddened says:

    Wow, I’ve been a reader for a while and this is my first comment simply because I can’t believe you don’t have the simple guts to check why that movie is called that way. It’s based on one of the best romance (I’d say something more like Drama) novels written in history by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It’s sad you don’t even mention anything about THAT.

  6. Yeah, that movie looks like it is going to be shitty.

    HAAAAAAH! Get it….shitty..cholera…heee…okay I’m done now with the toilet humor. Promise.

    Pear smelly candle? I smelled a pomegranate one recently that I could have just eaten. Yummeh.

  7. CP says:

    I usually take my cholera with a side of pears.

  8. ssp says:

    Time of Cholera, classy. Let’s hope I’ll get a smelly candle as well when that film comes across the Atlantic.

  9. Laurence says:

    Gromeuleuleu ! (Cromagnon’s cry)

    P.S. I try my avatar.

  10. RW says:

    Not only that but Marquez’s worst book. His experimental, edgy early stuff was great, but this one caught the general public’s interest for a reason – it didn’t test any of his usual boundaries. When they want to make a movie of Autumn of the Patriarch, I’m there.

  11. Kyra says:

    I’m a candle-whore. I have lots of them, and mix-burn them for different scents. But I’m cheap too, there is one candle I want badly from Yankee Candle, it’s called Iced Pumpkin, and it’s a pumpkin spice thing swirled with vanilla cupcake, which sounds repulsive but it’s heavenly! But it’s also $20. I just can’t bring myself to buy it for that much.

    Romance and Cholera just sound like a really bad combination, unlike the pumpkin/cupcake thing. I’m all for romance and such, I want to be swept off my feat… but without the CDC involved. Call me a prude.

  12. Dave2 says:

    Robin… Well, I actually DO want to set fire to things in my home… just not candles. :-)

    The Chad… Apparently, Cholera CAN be sexy in the movies. Unfortunately, I don’t live in a movie, so if I had cholera, I’d be even worse off than I am now!

    Amanda… I loathe all romances… having cholera in the title is just a bonus!

    Heather… Chicks dig cholera. I need to start an epidemic!

    Saddened… I’d imagine that it’s called “Love in the Time of Cholera” because it’s about love in the time of cholera (making the obvious and tired conclusion that love is a disease). It has nothing to do with guts, it has to do with the fact that I hate period romance films, and the commercials make this one sound particularly stupid. And it being “the greatest love story ever told” is just an opinion. To me, “Amelie” is the greatest love story ever told… well, either that or “Aliens.”

    Kentucky Girl… Pomegranate might be okay… I just don’t want anything that smells like flowers or anything like that.

    CP… At least then cholera would smell acceptable!

    SSP… They should make “chocolate pudding” scent candles for just such an occasion! I got a chocolate syrup candle at Hershey Park, but it’s just not the same.

    Laurence… Wow, French cavemen must be smart to be able to manage “gromeuleuleu!” American cavemen can only say “oog!”

    RW… Blame Oprah… she put it on her book club list and the thing went ballistic. Anything without cholera in the title would be okay by me!

    Kyra… They should have used cream cheese frosting! Though I’d eat vanilla frosting on a pumpkin cupcake too because I’m a total cupcake whore.

  13. Chag says:

    I hate weepy period romance dramas. If I see a Victorian corset or a powdered wig, I move along.

  14. Rick says:

    Quest for Fire? Nice cinematography, dialog was a little weak. What was the question?

  15. The title of that movie pretty much says it all.

  16. annie says:

    Those candle people are the ones that burn their houses down.
    So, no matches? Anywhere? Now we know you don’t smoke pot.

  17. Whit says:

    I do like candles, but not that movie. I can’t even sit through the commercials for it. It looks bloody awful and downright painful.

  18. Avitable says:

    Well, at least it’s not Love in the Time of Diarrhea.

  19. ajooja says:

    Ooooooo, I can’t handle smelly candles. Yikes.

  20. yellojkt says:

    I like that Caveman Lil Dave is slightly out of focus. You are a drawing genius.

  21. Bec says:

    I love candles and usally have three or four lit when I’m working. I’m, however, not a massive fan of the perfumed ones, prefering, oddly, just the smell of wax melting… At the moment they are all sitting packed in the back of the garage, so am having to deal with the whole bulb light thing which drives me bananas as there is always too much of it!

    I tried to read Love in the Time… once. I didn’t get very far and read half a dozen Pratchett’s instead.

  22. Baak says:

    Worst movie title ever.

    Love the DaveToon. :)

  23. Lewis says:

    What? Not a candle-loving man? And here I thougth I could love you forever…I’m rethinking it. Rubbing two things together always makes things spark

  24. Robin says:

    The book—Love in the Time of Cholera—is featured in the movie Serendipity. The name was so silly, I thought it couldn’t possibly be a real novel.

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