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Posted on Friday, October 26th, 2007

Dave!I am frickin' tired.

So frickin' tired that I couldn't even muster the energy to drive to the local Apple Store so I could score a copy of the latest and greatest Macintosh operating system that was released today: Mac OS X 10.5 Leopard. And for a total Mac whore like me to pass on a huge event like this, you know that I have to be close to dead.

Part of me blames the fact that I'm getting older. But most of me blames the shitty state of air travel today.

For the most part, air travel has been ruined by four things... 1) the airlines themselves with their never-ending delays, over-bookings, decreasing legroom, etc., 2) crazy-stupid security measures that don't actually make us any safer, 3) fellow travelers who are dumbasses, and 4) these same dumbasses talking too loudly in their mobile phones (I haven't had a trip in years where I haven't wanted to kill at least one idiot who was annoying the shit out of everybody while talking on their mobile phone at full volume).

It's gotten so bad that I'm a total wreck when I arrive at my destination. I'm so full of all-consuming rage that I can barely function. By the time I started work today I was in no real condition to do any actual work, which just made me all the more insanely angry. Let's see if unloading in my blog will help. That's what a blog is for, isn't it?

  • To the moron in the security line SHRIEKING into his fucking mobile phone at Pangborn Field... Shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
  • To Alaska Airlines... I applaud your investment in upgrading your check-in counters at Seattle Tacoma International Airport into an "airport of the future." I think it's truly wonderful that you are working to reduce wait times and process your customers through check-in as quickly and efficiently as possible. Bravo. However... what good is a 5-minute check-in if you're just going to have to wait in line at SeaTac security for 40 minutes? Any plans to kick the Port of Seattle in the ass to get them to open up more lines at the security checkpoints? Now THAT would be an "airport of the future."
  • To the gentleman using the urinal next to me in the South Satellite... After a point, it's just playing with yourself.
  • To the old hag in the waiting area SCREECHING on her fucking mobile phone at SeaTac... Shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
  • To the crazy bitch cackling in the gift shop. I understand that you have found something to be funny, but your deranged, high-pitched cackle-laugh busting my eardrums every two minutes is going to get you strangled to death one day. Calm down or take some fucking meds to control your deranged squealing or you will be killed for it sometime in the near future.
  • To the clutzy bastard sitting behind me on the plane who spilled a bottle of whiskey all over the back of my seat... Thanks a lot dumbass, the plane smelled like the floor of a frat house for the entire trip.
  • To Memphis International Airport... Can't get the jetway to work AGAIN? Seriously, what the fuck? What the bloody fuck? This same damn thing happened the last time I flew into Memphis! Either fix your busted-ass jetways or train your people how to operate them properly.
  • To the stupid bitch YELLING into her fucking mobile phone at Memphis International baggage claim... Shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Nobody gives a flying fig about your crap, so take your stupid shit outside where we don't have to listen to it.

Hmmm... I don't think I feel better at all. In fact, I think I'm even more mad than I was when I started this entry.

I need to do something fun this weekend so I can forget about all this drama.

Fortunately, I think I might just have the solution...

Categories: Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. RW says:

    Hmmm yeah Memphis on a Friday night can’t be all that bad.

  2. Suzy says:

    For starters, you need to tell the stupids on the phone to shut the fuck up. I do it all the time and except for one time at the post office (danger danger) it worked. I turn to them and say, “I’m really not interested in your life so could you please stop yelling into your phone or take it outside or kill yourself?” The problem is that we, who are being annoyed, do not take it into our own hands and speak out. Do it Dave.

    I think that people who yell into their phones are just desperate for attention. If you’re one of these people and you’re reading this, STOP it. Your life is boring and you’re a retard.

  3. Iron Fist says:

    Assholes talking on cell phones got you down? Now I know what to make you for your birthday. Illegal, sure, but I trust you’ll use it judiciously. Now if only I can invent a device to get crazy cackling bitches to shut up…

  4. Michael says:

    This is why scientists need to hurry up and go from teleporting particles to teleporting people. Then you’d have no waits, no crazy cell phoners while you wait, and nobody spilling booze on the back of your seat.

  5. I feel your pain more than you will ever know.

    That’s why I take a shitload of Xanax with me when I travel.

    Here are some of my highlights:

    1. Sat in a seat that had been peed in.
    2. Woman and daughter behind me drunk, continued to be served, then made physical threats toward me, while the steward (glorified waitress) said he couldn’t do anything.
    3. Listened to some man scream and threaten to stop the plane because he didn’t want to sit next to a fat person.
    4. I have been pushed down onto the ground by other Platinums while trying to get on the plane so that they can have overhead space. And I didn’t even have a suitcase with me. And I am a plat too. And only men push me down.

    So many, many stories. And don’t get me started on perceived security. And the jetway thing? Yeah, one time I sat on a plane for over an hour while they tried to get the jetway working. The pilots were making fun of the ground crew over the intercom. We all kept telling them to just pull up the fucking stairs. After an hour, guess what? They pulled up the fucking stairs.

    No more overhead space for your suitcase that DOES fit? The glorified waitress tells you to wade back to the front, even while 130 other people are trying to board. When you explain to her that you cannot go against the current, she tells you she will have you removed from the plane if you don’t comply. So of course, I go back down the aisle while 90% of the plane is still trying to board, letting them know that I have been told that if I do not do this, I will be removed from the plane.

    And on and on and on.

    BTW, why are you flying Alaskan? At least go with a bigger airline. not so much better, but at least you can status and potentially get first class at some point. And with AA, you can do a plat challenge and get your plat status at 10k miles.

  6. Eileen Dover says:

    Drink a bottle of whiskey while talking on your phone in a public place, hoping people tell you to STFU so you can unleash rage on them?

  7. MRKisThatKid says:

    What, you didn’t drop everything and stumble into an apple store in a semi-comatose state, fumbling deliriously for that shiny hologramatic box? Leave your fan-boy badge and gun on the desk on your way out.

  8. Avitable says:

    You have a solution? You’re going to buy a cell phone and HOLLER into it?

  9. Wayne says:

    Loud inconsiderate cell phone users drive me nuts, too. I talk about them all the time to people I know, and since I’m mobile I’m always talking on my blackberry. And since the signal isn’t always too hot, I have to raise my voice. Because I know everyone is interested in my plight and how annoyed I get at loud cell phone users.

  10. Troy says:

    Hmmm. Does your solution involve a donkey, a lady of the night and three hundred kilograms of chocolate pudding?!?! Sweet.

  11. Hilly says:

    Oh yay, I am glad you got that solution thing all worked out…good for you!

    This last trip of yours sounds fucking horrible…from whiskey spilling to bitches yelling and everything in between. I hope this weekend proves to be hella fun!

  12. Ummmm, dude? You need a new job. ‘Cause life is too short for this crap…and the job is a lot easier to control than:

    a) Trying to stop people from being annoying and oblivious, which, I hate to tell you, has been true forever. I’m sure that there was a caveman somewhere who annoyed the hell out everyone by laughing weird, talking too loud, and spilling his stinking yak milk all over the cave while other guys were trying to do their wall paintings.

    b) Controlling the airlines – ’cause let’s be honest, they barely have control over themselves. Plus they’ve got a monopoly on services. Why should they care if their customers hate them?

    Surely there’s a way you could telecommute to some of these things? I mean, where is this 2.0 world I keep hearing so much about?

  13. diane says:

    Does your solution involve Jagerbombs?

  14. sizzle says:

    there’s always dinner on sunday to look forward to. šŸ˜‰ but yeah, that sounds like a whole lot of asshattery going on there!

  15. the patient says:

    Confucious say, or maybe the Dali lama too, that expression of anger starts you on a downward slope and that no expression of anger will be therapeutic. The exercise is entirely negative.

    Rather focus on building up your patience and compassion. Meditate on these people as treasures for giving you a chance to practice patience. Put yourself in their shoes. We are all humans who just want to be happy.

  16. ChillyWilly says:

    on OCt 18th, we did the 12 hr trip to L.A. (as I mentioned in a previous post). The flight was 1.5 hrs delayed, which put me into L.A. at the start time of the film festival I was attending. Then had to deal with rush hour traffic to go from LAX to Hollywood. So I agree with your rant about the airline delays. I don’t fly as much as you do, but the few times a year I fly, it’s a pain in the ass to deal with delays. Wish they could get it right.

    As for Leopard, I was at the SLC Apple Store last night. Didn’t get Leopard yet (need to prep some often used apps first), but got a t-shirt and had fun watching the excitement. My friend did get a new Mac mini w/ Leopard, though.

    Hope whatever you do this weekend for fun will cure the anger.

  17. bogup says:

    Your being mad at these infuriating happenings makes me mad right alongside you. How about printing up small cards with a loud STFU message for dumbass cell phone yackers? Bad Monkey could be delivering the message. Just a thought…

  18. claire says:

    Well, I thought inventing a Personal Cell Disrupterā„¢ was going to be my big break until I saw the link in Iron Fist’s comment. Seems you suffered for nought.

    Hope your next trip is better!

  19. Belinda says:

    Not too long ago, while out at a restaurant, I was treated to a loooong conversation between another diner and her boyfriend/husband, who couldn’t be there with her because of his court-required ankle bracelet. All together, now…”AWWWWWW.”

  20. The “security” screenings we must endure are a cruel joke. One of the things that pisses me off is that it’s different at every airport — in the U.S. and other countries. Last week when we were traveling in Europe, the screeners looked at me strangely when I placed my “liquids” (i.e. lipgloss, deodorant, and mascara) in the regulation quart-sized bag into the container. Some places make you take off your shoes, belt, watch, but other places don’t. We’re expected to know the rules by osmosis I guess. I’ve got other stories, but the all-knowing, all-seeing government would probably lock me up for telling them. GRRRR!

    “USA Today reported Thursday that screeners at Los Angeles International Airport had a 75 percent failure rate. Security at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport let through 60 percent.”

  21. Robin says:

    I flew to Newark last Thursday from Chicago (came back today). My flights there and back were on time! Yeah!!! However, it was also my fellow travelers that drove me crazy. There was a woman in front of me going through security (last Thursday) that brought her large Louis Vuitton suitcase, medium LV suitcase and medium LV duffel bagā€”all as carry-on luggage! Why didn’t someone stop this woman before she got to security? Apparently she doesn’t travel much and apparently she can’t read the signs about the restrictions on liquids in carry-on bags. Then she didn’t have her boarding pass or ID out of her bags and then tried to go through the metal detector with her shoes and Louis Vuitton shawl on. There should be special lines for people that don’t know how to go through security quickly.

    Today, there was a woman two rows in front of me that was using her cell phone prior to take-off. I now know every sordid detail of her personal life (and so does everybody else!). It annoyed me, but I thought the guy sitting next to me was going to strangle her!

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