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Shortcake

Posted on Saturday, September 29th, 2007

Dave!Saturdays are usually spent working, but I've got two week's worth of dirty clothes piling up, so I took the morning off to wash them. Since I was already caught up on my television shows, I turned on the TV to see what might be playing on a Saturday morning. Much to my surprise, the first show to pop up was Strawberry Shortcake and Friends on CBS TV's "Kewlopolis" slate of girl's programming.

Strawberry Shortcake started out in the late 70's as a kind of rag-doll type character which was used to whore greeting cards and wrapping paper and such. Then, in the early 80's, Strawberry Shortcake and her friends were made into a series of creepy dolls that were supposed to smell like strawberries, blueberries, and such... but actually stank like toxic waste. Now Strawberry Shortcake is back, but she's been updated to a smart-n-sassy, no-nonsense kind of girl with her own cartoon show...

Strawberry Shortcake

This is cool kewl and all, but there's a much-needed member of the Strawberry Shortcake family who's been missing. Until now. I am proud to introduce the berry latest inhabitant of Strawberryland... the Pimp-Daddy of deserts... Bran Muffin!

Bran Muffin

Bran Muffin is a boy with a heart of gold who helps out the bitches girls of Strawberryland when they need to make some quick cash. Bran lives in a swingin' rent-controlled bachelor pad in Sugartits Tower in the middle of Chocolate Pudding City. When he's not counting his money, Bran likes to spread a little of his sugar around Strawberryland, bringing joy and happiness to everybody he meets! Like most inhabitants of this magical place, Bran Muffin has an animal companion... his pet iguana named Colon Blow.

Sigh. I really should have a job in children's television programming development. I'm so totally suited for it.


Categories: DaveToons 2007, Television 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Laurence says:

    Ooooooh, I love “Charlotte aux Fraises” (Strawberry Shortcake) ! :-)

    Lil’Dave seems to like the Strawberry Shortcake’s world ! ;-)

  2. kilax says:

    Hmm, Bran Muffin reminds me of someone I know…

  3. Hilly says:

    ” It’s luv that makes his pimp garden grow.
    With lots of pretty berry ho’s all in a row.
    He greets each day with a (mmmm)hard berry glow.
    Bran Muffin working this shiiit, wouldn’t ya know?”

    You’re literally killing me. I’m laughing so hard that I am coughing up a lung or two!

  4. amanda says:

    I had a scratch and sniff strawberry shortcake doll in the 80s. It smelled so, so bad. She could have used a companion like Bran Muffin

  5. This is my favorite DaveToon ever. But only because it has Strawberry Shortcake. The others are fabulous and wonderful but this one takes the cake. I can still almost smell her plastic-ey strawberry scented head.

    Sugartits tower. Nice. :P

  6. sizzle says:

    i used to have a strawberry shortcake sleeping bag. it ruled!

  7. Robin says:

    It’s scary how much you know about Strawberry Shortcake.

  8. RW says:

    In defense of Strawberry Shortcake… These were my daughter’s favorites, and I’ll have you know that anyone who disrespects them is totally uncool. Poor Dave.

  9. Dariush says:

    Wrong, dude. Oh so wrong.

    And yet… Strangely intriguing.

  10. bogup says:

    Bran Muffin Boy is already a hit and soon to be a legend!!!
    He is, after all, a “regular” guy and strawberry jam is perfectly compatible with him. Maybe a variation could be made with a Bran-Strawberry Pop Tart. It’s regular, and it’s sweet!

  11. Brandi says:

    Best additional character ever.

  12. Whitenoise says:

    Does this mean that there’s “pastry-flight” to the suburbs and that the donuts are moving into her neighbourhood?

  13. adena says:

    Yeah, but most of the fun with playing with those dolls was the way they SMELLED!

    I mean, that’s the only reason I liked them when I was little. They smelled like candy.

    I’m not sure that Bran Muffin would translate to a tasty smell….

  14. SJ says:

    Don’t you be slamming Strawberry Shortcake!!! My daughter LOVED her and all her companions, and had several of the dolls. I thought they smelled great – like a cross between New Doll and Pop-Tarts. Juli’s third birthday was totally Strawberry Shortcake-themed.

    I don’t like the new designs nearly as well as the originals. But Bran Muffin is AWESOME! So much more masculine than Huckleberry Pie.

  15. Robin says:

    My daughter preferred playing with small ponies. Beat that!

  16. yellojkt says:

    Bogup beat me to the “regular guy” joke.

    “He’s full of Fiber Filled Fun™.”

  17. Wayne says:

    I was more into Smurfette than Strawberry Shortcake. It’s a “blue pill” vs “red pill” kind of thing.

  18. serap says:

    I’m a little late reading/commenting on this post, but I am laughing so hard, I just had to let you know!! I loved ms shortcake as a child… I think I had her apricot flavoured friend, who had a pet bunny… anyway… bran muffin is hilarious!! What does he smell like?!

  19. Avitable says:

    I used to like the smell of Strawberry Shortcake dolls. It’s like that Fruit Loops smell of Handi-wipes.

  20. I would totally let Bran Muffin hang out in my Snail Cart to eat some ice cream… Yeah, I’m OLD enough to have played with the original toys.

  21. Baak says:

    “…the berry latest inhabitant…”

    Doh! Missed that the first time. ;)

  22. Erik B. says:

    Holy christ, best thing ever! Er….uh.. I was into Strawberry Shortcake when I was a youngen. I guess I liked the scent of chemically enhanced dolls? eep!

  23. Howard says:

    Holy crap, that’s funny. However, I think Fudge Turnover has some more explicit connotations on a specific act. Just sayin’.

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