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Posted on Monday, January 8th, 2007

Dave!For Macintosh whores like myself, tomorrow is the most important day of the year because it's time for MacWorld!

I both love and hate MacWorld. Love it, because Apple is probably going to introduce some cool new stuff. Hate it, because I'm bound to want all the cool new stuff... and it's always expensive.

Last year, I live-blogged from the keynote for the introduction of the iToast toaster...


That was fun and all, but this year there isn't a live feed of Steve Job's keynote speech, so I guess I won't be live-blogging anything. Heck, I can't even find out if they will be re-broadcasting the Stevenote afterwards. As a Mac whore, I find this depressing.


I've become one of those people that qualifies everything I say "as a Mac whore."

This reminds me of a former co-worked who qualified everything he said "as a Christian."

He was a nice enough guy, but the condescending way he constantly presented his Christian opinion as being superior to everybody else drove me insane. You could even be saying something nice to him, and he'd find a way to turn it around and make you feel inferior...

Dave: Hey, good luck with your class!
Christian Guy: As a Christian, I don't believe in luck... I believe in Jesus!

Even when you are obviously joking around, he's there to look down at your heathen ass...

Christian Guy: I wanted to go to the party, but everybody was acting freaky, so I left.
Dave: POD PEOPLE! They've been replaced by alien clones!
Christian Guy: As a Christian, I can't accept the concept of alien life.

It got so bad that I dreaded being in even simple conversations with him for fear of what might happen...

Dave: I can't decide if I want a Gordita or Chalupa from Taco Bell...
Christian Guy: As a Christian, I don't believe in Chalupas because they are fried. Gorditas are baked as God intended in Ezekiel 4:15... "I will let you bake your bread over cow manure instead of human excrement."
Dave: Gross!

Fortunately, he quit the job after only a few weeks and took his holier-than-thou attitude with him.

And since I brought it up...

As a Mac whore, I prefer to think of Jesus as a Mac user.

UPDATE: Hey, I was right!

Categories: Apple Stuff 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. The Chad says:

    Ahahahaha….chalupa eater. thats especially funny for me right now as I’m watching a friends dog, which looks exactly like that friggin’ taco bell dog.

    And I still want my freaking iPhone damnit!

  2. Well, as Queen of Everything and Center of the Unknown Universe, I find it incredibly insane, baffling, and disappointing that you are not able to see your Stevenote live. Is there some sort of poll we can vote in to make this happen for you? 😉

  3. Alexis says:

    Dammit, now I’m craving Chalupas. Oops, and now I’m going to hell. *sigh*

    Ah, MacWorld, and in one of my favorite cities – how I wish I could be there! At least there’ll be a Dave’s Review of New Apple Goodies to look forward to, right? 🙂

  4. ~jtm says:

    We finally got a Mac, it’s a G3 running OS9. I’m hoping I can at least do my school work on it as all 3 classes this semester will be held in the new Mac lab at school… Of course these being brand spanking new Macs, I can easily see a new Mac laptop in my near future….

  5. Laurence says:

    And you never laughed when the “Christian Guy” answered you “I don’t believe in luck, I believe in Jesus”… Me, I really laugh !!!

    I don’t like when someone make me feel inferior… (but who like ?)Anyway… My revenge : I have a MAC !!! Yeah !!! With my Mac, I always feel superior !!! 🙂

    P.S. My message for iGrandad (Steve Jobs) : I want my iPhone !!! 🙂

  6. Francisca says:

    Of course Jesus and God are mac users.

    Although I wouldn’t dare to say that they are mac whores because that could be sacrilege…

    Obviously, also I am mac whore, and as one, I firmly believe than Heaven is like a mac store.

  7. Kyra says:

    Those types of people scare me. You know, at least you aren’t qualifying and then insulting like that – you’re just qualifying. Though, I have to admit, the first time I saw that phrase from you I was rather new to your blog, and I thought you were referring to big-macs. 😉

  8. Avitable says:

    This was all a segue so that you could bring up that site, isn’t it?

    I knew a guy just like that. He couldn’t let any situation go without saying “as a Christian”, and some of the things that he said were really close to exactly what you posted about.

    So when I put that gay porn and the tranny screensaver on his work computer and he quit in tears with everyone laughing, I didn’t feel bad.

  9. Kyle I says:

    So what’s your prediction for this year? And can the iToast make an Apple logo on the bread? I’d HAVE to buy it if it did.

  10. Brad says:

    As a Christian and a Mac whore, I believe that Jesus would have used a Mac because He wasn’t afraid to go against the flow and who goes against the flow more than a Mac user in a PC world?

    And as a Christian, I forgive you for disdain against that other Christian. 🙂

    And as a Mac whore, it’s unforgivable that Steve Jobs’ keynote is not being broadcast live.

  11. Karl says:

    Apple always does come out with the coolest stuff. And I think, as a Christian, I’d have to slap that other Christian in the head. Sheesh. As a Christian, I’m sure Jesus didn’t want people annoying the crap out of everyone in His name.

  12. delmer says:

    I like to think of my Jesus as a kick-boxer taking on sin and deprivation using his mighty feet.

    I like to think of my Jesus as a square dancer.

    Well, those ideas come, loosely, from Talladega Nights. (I’m nowhere dead on, but I’ve loaned the DVD to a buddy of mine.)

    … dear infant, baby Jesus …

  13. Dave2 says:

    The Chad… I too want an iPhone… but I want it to work for both CDMA and GSM networks! I’m greedy that way.

    Frances… Sadly, no. His Steveness calls the shots and doesn’t let a poll tell him what he should or should not do… He’s STEVE JOBS! I (heart) Steve! Hopefully they will re-broadcast. 🙂

    Alexis… Of course! As a Mac whore, I am compelled to do so! 😀

    JTM… Wow. I guess even an old Mac is better than no Mac… though I haven’t even seen OS 9 in years! Hopefully fortune will smile upon you and bring an OS X computer your way one of these days.

    Laurence… Well, I tried not to laugh because he was a really nice guy. But it’s hard when he has to qualify everything he says. I mean, yeah… after the first ten times he said “as a Christian” – WE GOT IT! You don’t have to keep telling us, dude! 🙂

    Francisca… Since using Windows must be what hell is like to me, I think I would agree! 😀

    Kyra… Oh that’s true too! But it was a looooong time ago. As a vegetarian, I don’t eat Big Macs now (hah!).

    Avitable… Ooh. You know you’re going to hell for that, don’t you? I guess I’ll see you there?

    Kyle… I predict iScoop (ice cream scoop with iPod built in), iTube (TiVo replacement, I WISH), and iVibe (vibrator with iPod functionality to “set the mood”). And I want that iPhone!!

    Brad… I did not disdain the guy in the least… he was an incredibly nice and generous person. I just didn’t want to get in a conversation with him and have him speak with disdain to me!

    Karl… Please inform Pat Robertson immediately. He’s been annoying people in Jesus’s name for decades. 🙂

    Delmer… Would you believe that I haven’t seen “Taledega Nights” yet? It’s in my Netflix queue though, so one of these days,,,

  14. Jeff says:

    Thanks for reminding me about the Emails From Jesus site. I don’t care who ya’ll are – that there’s some funny stuff!

  15. Hilly says:

    As a Christian, I formally denounce that chalupa-haters behavior as all things wrong with hypocritical Christians today.

    I detest people saying those things to others….who cares what one believes? Keep it to yourself, geez.

  16. ms. sizzle says:

    I think today I will go around saying “as a woman” and make everything about nazi-feminism. fun!

    😉 sizz

  17. Miss Britt says:

    I quantify everything I say with “as a blonde”.

    I find it gets me a lot of lee-way in most cases.

  18. kapgar says:

    That’s because Jesus has taste.

  19. Erin says:

    Just heard on the news that your iphone is coming. ipod + phone + camera = happy America.

  20. James says:

    I just have one thing to say: iPhone!

    It’s beautiful.

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