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Posted on Friday, January 12th, 2007

Dave!Does anybody know a good place that the general public can buy flamethrowers at discount? Wikipedia says that private ownership of flamethrowers is not restricted in the US, yet I couldn't find them for sale at Target. I'm pretty sure that you can't get them at K-Mart or Wal-Mart either. This is puzzling to me, because it seems that so many of my daily problems could be easily solved if I started carrying a flamethrower with me.

In fact, if I did own a flamethrower, I would have used it at least a half-dozen times before lunch today. Just think of all the cool things you could do with it! No more raking leaves in the yard... flamethrower! Shoveling snow is a thing of the past... flamethrower! Have to clean the bathtub... flamethrower! Microwave broke and you need some popcorn... flamethrower! And that's just the beginning...

The ultimate cure for viruses on your Windows PC... flamethrower!

Flamethrower Windows

The perfect revenge for dumbasses who cut you off in traffic... flamethrower!

Flamethrower Car

The cost-effective solution when giant killer clowns invade the planet... flamethrower!

Flamethrower Clowns

What a handy thing to have around the house!

A pity I can't add one to my Amazon Wish List.


And in non-flamable news... sadly, I haven't had much time to play with my Wii. I try to sneak in a level of "Elebits" when I have the chance, but even that seems rare. I haven't even looked at "Zelda" yet. One thing I did do was create a new Mii. Mr. Jerz sent me "Miidonna" and so I made "Miilizabeth HurlWii" to send back. Somehow the idea of playing a game of tennis as Liz HurlWii is appealing to me. Probably because it's as close to playing with Liz as I am ever going to get.

Apparently I do have time for memes though... there's one from Karla in an extended entry...

Open iTunes. Click the column header for "Play Count". What are the first five songs listed?

  • I'm With Stupid by The Pet Shop Boys.
  • Kiss Me by Robbie Williams.
  • Mercy in You (Live) by Depeche Mode.
  • Martyr by Depeche Mode.
  • Turn The Lights Down by a-ha.

Click the column header for Last Played. What are the first 5 songs?

  • Nirvana by El Bosco.
  • Here I Go Impossible Again by Erasure.
  • Brand New Lover by Dead or Alive.
  • Mary's Prayer by Danny Wilson.
  • We Used to Be Friends by The Dandy Warhols.

Click Party Shuffle. What are the first 5 songs?

  • Rain by Madonna.
  • Temptation Waits by Garbage.
  • Closer by Nine Inch Nails.
  • Cherry Twist by The Crystal Method.
  • Lucky You by The Lightning Seeds.

Click the column header Year. What are the first 5 albums from 1994?

  • Dulcinea by Toad The Wet Sprocket.
  • Fields of Gold by Sting.
  • Seal by Seal.
  • The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails.
  • The Best of New Order by New Order.

Click the column header My Rating. What are the first 5 albums?

  • Minor Earth, Major Sky by a-ha.
  • The Sunrise EP by Cause and Effect.
  • Music for the Masses by Depeche Mode.
  • Playing The Angel by Depeche Mode.
  • Some Great Reward by Depeche Mode.

Finally, look at the bottom of your iTunes window. How many days of music do you have?

  • 19.1 days

Categories: DaveToons 2007, Elizabeth HurleyClick To It: Permalink


  1. Troy says:

    Why did you buy Zelda? I know it’s likely the coolest game ever, but it is also likely a long long long long long long game (I know it took me a month or so to finish Zelda: The Wind Waker – and that was with at least one hour of play a day). We all know you have no time to play long games 🙂 I think you should just send me your Wii. That would be a good compromise 🙂

  2. Kyle I says:

    I don’t know where you can buy one (the crazy guy at the army surplus?) but I found some plans to make one.

  3. Avitable says:

    That’s a great meme. I’m totally stealing it.

    I haven’t even opened Zelda, either, because I know as soon as I do, it’s all over.

    Make sure you make your Miis so that they Mingle! Send me your Emiizabeth Hurmii, too!

    PS. DaveSim hit four homeruns today.

  4. diane says:

    Awww, I want to see a screenshot of Liz Hurl-Wii! And I want to get a Wii just to make a tiny little Christian Bale-Wii. (tried to add Mii in there, and there is no place for it that makes any sense)
    I feel your pain. I haven’t played with my NintenDogs in a week. They probably ran away with Jake. 🙁 *sniff*

  5. Laurence says:

    I want a flamethrower, too !!!

    P.S. I think I will steal this meme !!! Cool…

  6. Dave2 says:

    Troy… First James wants my iPod, now you want my Wii?? I am so totally watching my belongings the next time I go to Canada!

    Kyle… SWEET! NOW THAT’S WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!! I wish I had even a small amount of talent to actually build my own flamethrower!

    Avitable… I did turn my Mii setting to “mingle” which seems the only way to snag Mii’s from my friends who don’t specifically email them to me (they show up when I do a Wii parade). Kind of sad that my Mii is hitting it more than I am though…

    Diane… I’ll try and post one. It’s really hard to take photos of a television, because there’s this band that keeps rolling through the picture.

    Laurence… I wonder if it’s a bad thing if too many people end up with flamethrowers? I’m sure the fire department will be much busier if that were to happen.

  7. Mooselet says:

    I’d steal that meme but I’m so uncool that all my answers would belong to my teenager as I don’t use iTunes, or what I do use I steal from her. Is it hip to be square again?

    And a flamethrower would be a great way to get the fire going in winter! Who needs kindling?

  8. Michelle says:

    Are you gonna burn me with your homemade flame thrower if I admit to being the only person in the entire hemisphere w/out an Ipod?

    Just outta curiosity, do people really expect you to comment every time you visit their blog? Watching these “lurking” comments it seems like folks are getting upset about it. I am of course asking you Dave as you seem to know the answer to any- and everything. heh.

  9. Dave2 says:

    Mooselet… Actually, wouldn’t the fact that all your answers came from a teenager make your meme reply the coolest ever? Truth to tell, I can’t think of anything that a flamethrower wouldn’t be good for.

    Michelle… I won’t burn you with my flamethrower, but I might buy you a Flaming Gator at TequilaCon! Because the only thing better than an alcoholic beverage is an alcoholic beverage on fire! As for comments… I don’t know about other people, but I can tell you how I feel personally. I am not at all offended if somebody doesn’t leave comments on my blog every time they visit (which is a good thing, because currently less than 1% do, according to my stats). Sure it’s nice when I get a comment (because I just love comments!), but it’s not the end of the world if I don’t. I try to leave comments when I can, but I barely have time to read blogs let-alone comment on them… I’m thinking this is probably the case for many people.

  10. Tracy Lynn says:

    Well, I’ve always said that it’s better to light a flamethrower than to curse the darkness.

    I don’t own an iPod or any reasonable facsimile. I am so uncool.

  11. I totally danced to Brand New Lover last night. Awesome song…

    As for flaming, I’m going to give you some words of wisdom I learned while studying German. Please excuse any spelling errors, it’s been 10 years: Mine pimmel ist ein flammenverfer. It translates roughly to “My penis is a flamethrower”.

    I’m not sure how it applies here, but this is the first time anyone has brought up flamethrowers in a loooong time so I had to use it. 😉

  12. adena says:

    There are so many people I would love to use a flamethrower on.

    I say you should market it. Interest would be astounding!!

    And, alas….another meme I can’t do, as I don’t have an mp3 player, much less an ipod.


  13. Hilly says:

    Hey, we have Zelda too! Seriously, it is the only game we bought for the Wii. Gah, I need to send you my Mii code so I can play…will do tonight.

    Have you downloaded the acoustic version of Fields of Gold that was on Studio 60? It totally rocks.

  14. ms. sizzle says:

    toad the wet sprocket! i have to go listen to them right now. i forgot about them!

  15. claire says:

    Ooh, I’d like to see Miilizabeth HurlWii too. When you send a Mii to someone, are you sending an image or is it just code for the template you made? Probably the latter, but if not you could send it to yourself maybe.

    Or can you hook your Wii up through a VCR? You might be able to record your Wii screen to VHS and then transfer that to a camcorder which you could then import to your computer… if you had all the pieces. That sounds way too complicated now that I’ve written it out.

    In the spirit of simple, I wouldn’t mind the scan bars across the image.

  16. Crashdummie says:

    Well you can always add the flamethrower to the list which you will send to santa…

    .. then again that will require you to be good for another 340 days. The question is: Is it worth it?


  17. nancycle says:

    Oh, poo-poo. You needed a flame thrower for the attack of the giant killer clowns. Mean suckers aren’t they! 😉

  18. Mrs RW says:

    Did you try “” ?? or “flamethrowers R us??”

  19. I’m borrowing your meme dude…but the flamethrower you can keep – books tend to have this nasty reaction to fire, dontcha know…

    And with all the nut jobs out there who want to ban books, I think handing out flamethrowers might not be such a hot idea (so to speak).

  20. Kapha says:

    Dang, those Giant Killer Clowns are spooky…

    M*****F****** Giant Killer Clowns On a Plane!

  21. The Chad says:

    While its not a rocket launcher, I read on the other day that you can get a rocket launcher in columbia for $200. wanna go halfsies?

  22. karla says:

    OK ,seriously, WHAT is up with NIN Closer? WHY does it appear in every damn music meme ever?

    As for flamethrowers, it’s nnot too hard to create your own using just a lighter and your own natural, um, gasses. It’s just kind of hard to aim….

  23. Sergio the frenchie says:

    Burn !!! Burn it !!!

    But you know, you can make your own flamethrower…

    Taking a spray and a lighter… but i don’t think it’s a good idea… for the clown 😀

  24. amanda says:

    I want a flamethrower too, man! I could have sooo much fun (insert evil cackling here).

    I’m borrowing your meme for next week. It’s awesome!

    Have a good weekend,


  25. Eve says:

    I’m really shocked that Wal-Mart doesn’t sell flamethrowers. I thought they sell all kinds of inappropriate consumer products. I like your idea to use one to get rid of the snow … and Windows, too, lol.

  26. stephanie says:

    Depeche Mode?! I have to go listen to them now!!

  27. Jaye says:

    If I had a flamethrower, I’d use it on those MonaVie people. And then I’d find Anne Coulter and flame her. Then Tom Cruise.

    And thank you for reminding me about the Lightening Seeds. I’m going to go find that right now.

  28. Dave2 says:

    Tracy Lynn… If you curse in the dark, can anybody hear you? Yes, a flamethrower is much better.

    Frances… Something tells me that I will not be a hit with the ladies in my upcoming trip to Germany using a phrase like that…

    Adena… Apparently, you’re not in the minority here!

    Hilly… Oooh… I have not downloaded it! There are several versions of the song available on iTunes, so I’ll have to check it out. Right after I check out Zelda, of course!

    Ms. Sizzle… Love that band. Was really upset when they broke up.

    Claire… Apparently, I can shove video signal into my laptop, but it’s a mess of cables and adaptors I’m reluctant to mess with. I’ll just take pictures of the screen with my digital camera and hope for the best! 🙂

    Crashdummie… Well, if Santa’s elves are capable flamethrower makers, then I’d say it was worth it!

    Nancycle… Actually, I’m scared of ALL clowns. They don’t even have to be giant killer clowns for me to want to torch them.

    Mrs. RW… Hmmm… apparently that is a link to add a flamethrower to your car exhaust. I haven’t seen that since Grease!

    Librarian… Or we could use them to torch the people who want to torch books? Just a thought…

    Kapha… I am able to sit through just about any horror film… but that is a film I would NOT be able to watch! 🙂

    The Chad… Sure! Bring it to TequilaCon so we can have something to do while we wait for everybody to show up!

    Karla… Well, it’s a good song! As for using myself as a flamethrower, I saw what happened to Kenny in the South Park Movie when you try it… no thanks!

    Sergio… I think everybody hates clowns. I wonder why there are so many of them then? Of course, in France you have mimes everywhere, which is almost as scary.

    Amanda… It would be a good weekend if I could get rid of my migraine. 🙁

    Eve… Well, I suppose I could make due with a shotgun… you can get those at Wal-Mart no problem!

    Stephanie… Anytime is a good time for Depeche Mode!

    Jaye… Tom Cruise is already kind of flaming…

    Laurence… Now THAT is what I am talking about! Ahhh… one of my favorite “Fifth Element” moments…

  29. kapgar says:

    I’ve only got my one Mii right now, but I might make more soon.

  30. Bob237 says:

    For a Gen-YOU-wine ex-military flammenwerfer, try your large Army or Marine base. They dispose of surplus equipment by public auction – usually on a monthly basis. They’ll be glad to put you on the mailing list of what will be up for bid at the next auction. Used to be certified check only, I think they now accept credit cards. Only downside is that you’ll probably have to bid what is known as a lot as in “Lot 237 – Miscellaneous Flamethrower parts – 200 pounds”…but the technical manual for the good ole M7 is on line and gives you the parts listing, how to to assemble and disassemble the beast (complete with diagrams) and the field manual tells you how load, pressurize and fire the thing.

    BTW, straight petrol doesn’t work too well. You get a big ball of flame that burns out before it hits the target. You need a rod of flaming fuel. Answer – NAPALM. Home made recipe, add a couple of handfuls of soap powder to every gallon of gas you intend to use. Stir, pour into flamethrower tank.

    Lots of fun!! Back in my day in the Green Machine each infantry company had three of ’em. Range days were a memorable experience.

    And they PAID us to do stuff like that…

    Happy pyromania!

  31. Angella says:

    The fact that you used it on a clown makes you my hero.

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