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Posted on Wednesday, December 6th, 2006

Dave!Uhhh... yeah... helpful hint to all would-be-adulterers out there... if you are going to have a sexually explicit instant-messaging session with your mistress on a public computer, you might want to remember to logout and close out the web browser window after you're done. This is especially applicable if you refer to your wife as "that f#@%ing bitch" and go into intimate details as to your next planned sexual encounter with your whore.

On the other hand, it did make for some exciting reading before I got down to the drudgery of printing FedEx labels and checking in for my flight tomorrow morning.

Even if the guy does refer to his penis as "the throbber."

If I were any more despicable than I already am, I would have tracked down the idiot by his screen-name and mailed a transcript of his rather titillating IM session to his wife. I'm sure it would be much-appreciated as she initiated her divorce proceedings.

Hmmm. You know, I don't think I've ever had the opportunity to use the word "titillating" before.

And now for the three funniest things I saw at the Milwaukee Museum of Art yesterday!

A bunny statue made entirely from bottle-caps...

Bottle-Cap Bunny

Baby Jesus about to give Mary a wet willy...

Jesus Wet Willy

This stoner dog statue...

Stoner Dog

Now that I think about it, I really do need to come up with a nickname for my penis.

Unfortunately, "the throbber" appears to be taken.

I'd call him "the titillater" but I don't think you're allowed to use that word more than once a year...

Categories: DaveLife 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Sayuri says:

    I see no reason why ‘the Titillater’ couldn’t work. Ask Robert, I am dying to hear what he would name it. I dread to think.

  2. yellojkt says:

    I’ve got some pictures of art and sculptures that are WAY not safe for work. Maybe one day I’ll get enough nerve to post them.

  3. Rick says:

    Hm-m-m. Second time in as many days I’ve seen the word titillating in a blog. I think I need a shower. Love the stoner dog, though.

  4. Laurence says:

    Your photos are full of humor… But today, it is not only your photos… It’s what you wrote !!! Funny for us, not for the woman…

    PS. The titillater… why not ? Try in French : l’émoustillant. And, in french, you can use this word easily. See… “Je suis toute émoustillée de lire Blogography tous les jours.” = Reading Blogography every day, it’s titillating !!!

    PPS. Don’t pay attention to my thoughts today… I’m a little tired !!!

  5. Oh Dave… *groans* “the titillater?” Women will laugh!

    Honestly unless you’re planning a switch into the porn industry, you really aren’t going to need a personalized nickname.

    Besides isn’t there some variation on “actions speak louder than words” that should apply here?

  6. kapgar says:

    Oh how much fun a blog post about outing an adulterer could’ve been. Damn.

  7. Cavan says:

    I’d just assumed you called it “Bad Monkey”.

  8. nancycle says:

    Those are priceless! I love baby Jesus giving Mother Mary a wet willy. Yet there’s an evil look in his eye…I think he’s tasting her.

    There’s something ironic about looking at that bug-eyed stoner dog while naming your penis is the subject Dave. Throw a dog a bone and let us know what you come up with eh? 😉

    I vote “Red Ryder” – for a most excellent reason.


  9. Mooselet says:

    Why is it you men need to name your penis??? We women don’t name our breasts… we leave it up to men to do that!

  10. Kapha says:

    Like “Snakes on a Plane” you may have hit upon the very next Summer blockbuster:

    Throbber vs Titillator

    French is always so easy on the ears… love it, Laurence! 🙂

    Based on her expression, that looks like about the 3rd or 4th wet willy of the day – and very likely the last.

    Amazing how Northern European they both look…

    That dog isn’t stoned, Dave! If you read the little plaque you’ll see he is immortalized as the first – and last – Milwaukee dog that attempted to mate with the CTA Blue Line “3rd rail” (in Chicago). He was paralyzed instantly in that very pose. I’m not kidding!

    Yep, you guessed it: his name was Spike.

  11. MRKisThatKid says:

    Mines called Pikachu

  12. Avitable says:

    I refuse to speculate on a name for your penis. I do, however, wish you were meaner. A posting of the actual conversation on your blog would have been quite hilarious.

  13. Ok, I’m getting ready embarrass myself here, but you cannot name your own penis because there are rules. It must be named by a woman and you’re stuck with whatever the first woman names it forever.

    I vote for ‘Clark’. You know, ordinary man with the clothes on, Superman…well, you get the picture.

  14. Kimberly says:

    More people need to realize public computers are just that, public! *laughs* Lucky you on being able to read that.

  15. Danalyn says:

    How about “the angry inch”?

  16. diane says:

    Ha ha! Cavan, I was thinking the same thing–I always figured “Bad Monkey” was a metaphor for Dave’s naughty bits, who act as something of an alter-ego. 🙂

  17. Hilly says:

    You are a better man than I….I so would have at least copied and pasted The Throbber’s IM and posted it…oh yeah, I am that way ;).

  18. Miss Britt says:

    Really? You don’t call it Bad Monkey?

    I am going to have to completely rework my fantasies of you talking to your penis. The dialogue, apparently, is all wrong.

  19. sandra says:

    You know, I think that this guy is probably dumb enough — if he didn’t close the window on a public computer — to eventually have a similar IM session from home. He seems to be the sort of person Lifetime movies are made about.

  20. Bre says:

    What ever happened to the good ole days where men gave their packages real names? hmm?

  21. ms. sizzle says:

    you had me at “titillating.”

  22. Göran says:

    Mooselet. Most penis name givings seem to come from women actually, or maybe I have weird friends. I dunno.

    The bunny statue rocks big time!

  23. Wayne Hall says:

    Hey, totally on the DL here… thanx big time for not blowing my cover. The Throbber would never ever get over it. I had no idea we frequented the same public computers, and I will promise to be more careful with logging out in the future.

    Oh wait, I think I just confessed. What I *meant* to say was that what you read was some fantasy play my wife and I do here and there every once in a while, and she loves being called dirty names.


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