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Posted on Saturday, November 25th, 2006


Shortly after managing to get to sleep last night, I was awakened by a noise so loud that my teeth were rattled. I was all groggy, so at first I didn't know what had happened. I thought maybe there had been an accident in the parking lot or something. But just as I was going to get out of bed to see if anybody was in trouble, I heard the sound again and realized that it was a neighbor slamming their apartment door.

It would be easy to assume that they didn't realize throwing their front door closed like that at 1:30am would wake everybody in the entire apartment complex... but I think it's more likely they are just so f#@%ing stupid that they don't know how to properly close a door.

Time to write a new book.

How to Close a Door for Dumbasses

I had no idea such a basic skill required a manual, but I'm here to help.

Thanks to this idiot, I barely managed to get three hours of sleep. This made for a very long day at work and now I'm pretty much dead. It's probably a good thing too, because it means I might actually get some rest tonight.

At least I had better.

If there's another door-slamming incident, somebody is going to get my foot up their ass.

Categories: DaveLife 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. I feel you. I was awakened last night by a guy whose bass was so loud it set off 3 car alarms in the lot. Do you have a book for that?

  2. Mooselet says:

    May I suggest having their head in between the door and the door frame when said door is slammed shut? That makes for good fun.

  3. nancycle says:

    What’s the matter with people?!


  4. Laurence says:

    What ? And after this door-slamming incident, you didn’t want to kill him or torture him like James Bond was tortured by Mr. Le Chiffre !!!
    Are you sure that you aren’t feverish ?

  5. RW says:

    It could have been worse.

    It could have been followed by another door slam, a loud swear word, pounding on the wall, another door slam, somebody crying, a siren, shouting, hard knocking on a door, people yelling, another door slam, things falling on the floor, swearing, another door slam, somebody being dragged down the stairs, a knock at your door, and questions from a police officer.

    You got off easy!

  6. Belinda says:

    Alex would threaten to “break his foot off” in said orifice.

  7. Jeff says:

    That is one of my biggest pet peeves. I’d bet that 50% of my hotel/motel visits have door slammers in nearby rooms. I always close my room door quietly because it’s just plain common courtesy – and because I know how much it pisses me off when someone else doesn’t. ARRRGH!

  8. Belinda says:

    Just when I start thinking that living out here in this holler is kinda lonely…

  9. ChillyWilly says:

    How many times did this nut job slam the door? Maybe you should drop off one a copy of the above book on their doormat.

  10. Kapha says:

    Some hotels have those “auto slam” doors that drive me INSANE, especially since no one (‘cept Jeff) seem to have the slightest clue how loud they are. We’ve stayed at enough hotels with high-school (or younger) sports teams and/or wedding parties filled with drunk people to always ask ahead.

    These same hotels inevitably have those “ultra turbo” toilets that can flush a basketball to Nebraska and shower you unintentionally at the same time. Brilliant.

    Give me the beach any day! 🙂

  11. The Chad says:

    at my apartment it sounds like the people above me are always stomping their feet, especially in the morning (it wouldn’t surprise me if they were, I hate everybody here). Good thing I work nights.

  12. kapgar says:

    One of the many reasons I don’t miss apartment living.

  13. Mike says:

    Looks like I have found another person who puts up with this nonsense. My thoughts on this.

    If you don’t mind, I’m going to print off a copy of your Dummies book cover and tape it to my neighbor’s door. Classic!

  14. Dawn says:

    So tired of apartment living for this very reason. I have been tortured by my neighbors too long. People these days can be such cretins! I came very close to taping your blog to my neighbor’s door this morning, but decided it would only incite him to retaliate. That’s just how dense and rude I believe him to be. At least I was able to take some solace in knowing that I’m not the only person who thinks the way I do. Thanks, Dave!

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