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Scorcher

Posted on Tuesday, July 25th, 2006

Dave!Oooh. Yet another ball-scorching heatwave of a day.

A good day to die.

Which I very nearly did because some dumbass in a pickup truck almost ran me over as I was walking to the bank. He took off from a stop light and never once looked forward. He was instead looking off to one side the entire time. I dunno... maybe he saw something shiny and was distracted? Whatever. All I do know is that he wasn't looking where he should have been, and would have run me down right there in the crosswalk had I not been paying attention. I literally had to jump out of his path to avoid getting splattered.

Why does this keep happening to me?

I really do need to get my Dumbass Books printed, because I would have loved to staple a copy to a brick, throw it through his rear window and imbed it in the back of his stupid head...

Driving for Dumbasses

Oh how I am getting tired of living in white-trash rural America.

On Sunday I went to the grocery store. On my way back out, I noticed a guy in the passenger seat of a car screaming obscenities to a woman who was getting out of the driver's side... just two spaces down from me. She wasn't taking it lightly, because she was yelling it back as good as she was getting...

CRACKER BOY: STOP BEING A BITCH! JUST GIVE ME THE F#@%ING MONEY SO I CAN GET THE F#@% OUT OF HERE!!
   
CRACKER BITCH: SHUT THE F#@% UP! I'M NOT GIVING YOU SHIT!!
   
CRACKER BOY: F#@%!! F#@% THIS SHIT!!

I slowed down a bit, because I was seriously worried that the guy was going to jump out of the car and start beating on her or something. But, after they screamed for a minute longer, I heard THIS as I was putting my groceries in the trunk and the woman headed off to the store...

CRACKER BOY: MOM! MOM!!! COME ON! GIVE ME THE F#@%ING MONEY!
   
CRACKER BITCH: YOU CAN GET A F#@%ING JOB IF YOU WANT YOUR F#@%ING MONEY!!

I mean, holy crap!

This is how he talks to his mother?!? He looked like he was still in high school!

If I were to have mouthed off like that, my dad would have beat the shit out of me to within an inch of my life.

At least I HOPE he would have.

Parents simply aren't passing out much-needed ass-kickings anymore. I weep for the future.


Categories: DaveLife 2006Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Karl says:

    You’re so right. People are all worried about hitting their children, like any spanking is abuse. I think that’s crap. So many kids are sporting such enormous senses of entitlement. They need to get a wooden spoon on the ass.

  2. sheryl says:

    This last weekend, my 17 year old daughter ACCIDENTLY said “What the hell?” in front of me. She was SO shocked she stopped dead in her tracks with a horrified look on her face. She had NEVER cussed in front of me before and neither have my sons (21 and 23). And I’ve never once had to kick any of their asses. Not that I’m bragging or anything… oh, wait a minute, I am SO bragging!

  3. Better watch out, the mommybloggers will be by to say that you promote child violence.

    PS-Glad you aren’t dead.

  4. Dave, I’m fairly sure cars would quit being attracted to you if you quit putting those superstrong magnets in your pants.

    Just a suggestion. ;-)

  5. Mooselet says:

    I think it’s because kids have their heads filled with their “rights”, and they know that they can mouth of to their parents and all they have to do if Mommy or Daddy threaten to kick their asses is go to the police or child services because it is their “right”.

    First time my teenager pulled that shit on me, I handed her the phone and told her to go ahead and if I had the time, I would visit her in foster care. Since she knows kids who are in foster care and that it is no picnic, she shut up.

  6. iFran says:

    It makes me think seriously of not having children at all.

    I do not support the idea of hit your children, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t believes to put limits when corresponds.

    Some people confuse “no hitting” with the extreme permissiveness. When the idea is: do not beat them, educate them.

    Also it’s true that any idiot can have children; it’s easier have children than buy a weapon (I do not believe in the possession of weapon either, but that’s not the point) ….

    People should restrict have children if can’t raise them in suitable form,

    By the way, my native language is the Spanish, therefore, forgive my spelling and grammar ;P

  7. margalit says:

    You’re assuming that this kid HAD a dad who might give a crap. Unfortunately, that’s really not a given, and when teenagers without a two parent family (and I count my kids in this statement) walk all over their one parent, there isn’t a lot that can happen. Punishing a teenager isn’t a simple thing these days. You can take away the phone, the computer, the car keys, the TV, and ground them, but they can walk out the door and get into serious trouble too. It’s a pick your battle kind of thing.

    Of course if MY kid talked to me in public that way, I’d seriously consider removing even MORE of his penile accountrement.

  8. serap says:

    I really cannot believe it when you hear of kids talking to their parents like this. I was brought up by just my Dad, and although he never raised a hand to me, for some reason I always had that tiny bit of fear… oh, hang on, I think its called respect!! When I was 18 I dropped somthing in the kitchen, and expecting it to break I shouted ‘oh bollocks’ (probably a uk saying). My dad and I were both so shocked that we just looked at each other, and I had to leave the room! He has also recently told me off for saying ‘crap’. I am now 28!

  9. Laurence says:

    I am totally agree with iFran. That’s matter of upbringing and respect. A kid well brought up is not synonymous with battered kid. Like serap, my parents never raised a hand to me. And I can’t bear seeing battered kid. In other hand, I can’t bear seeing kids talking to their parents like this. I do not know what I am capable of doing when I see this kind of behavior.

    It is very necessary that your book is published. ;-) Yeah, it is right ! That gave you the material for your book. This is a matter for serious thought… I think…

  10. Mocha says:

    You just gave me another reason to love my job. I get to try to re-mold some of these kids. They are lost.

    Recently, I ran into a former student who remembers a meeting in my classroom with his mother whom he was brow-beating and disrespecting. He recalled that I stopped the meeting and turned to him and said, “You know what? I don’t allow that kind of talk in my classroom. What makes you think I’ll sit here and listen to you talk to your MOTHER that way? I will NOT have it.”

    That was over 8 years ago. He thanked me for it. It was a great feeling to have had a small bit of influence in his life.

  11. Jeff says:

    Sounds like you need to add a “Living in a Normal America for Dumbasses” edition to your collection.

  12. ms. sizzle says:

    i weep for the future as well. dear god.

  13. Bre says:

    Oh man, oh man! If I had even thought those things in the general direction of my mother I wouldn’t have seen daylight until I graduated college!

  14. Dave2 says:

    Karl… I just find it impossible to believe that kids are being raised to scream obscenities in public places. Spoon on the ass? Try spoon UP the ass.

    Sheryl… If that’s the most obscene thing to pop our of your daughter’s mouth, then you have every right to brag! I’m far, far worse… but never screaming it in public!

    Kentucky Girl… I don’t think that it takes violence to teach kids that this type of behavior is disrespectful and completely inappropriate for public consumption… but hey, if THIS is going to be the result… then please beat your kids on the ass from time to time! :-)

    Frances… That’s no magnet… :-D

    Mooselet… Pain is a good motivator. If you touch a hot stove and burn yourself, you’re not likely to do that again. If you scream “F#@% YOU” to your mother in public and get an ass-beating, then perhaps you won’t be likely to do that again either?

    iFran… Please do not apologize for your English! You are much better with it than I am! :-)

    Margalit… If this kid didn’t have a father, then his mother needs to outsource the ass-beatings if she’s not comfortable performing them herself! :-)

    Serap… Yes, it all comes down to respect, doesn’t it? Only a child who has no respect what-so-ever could possibly say such vile things to his own parents. In public, no less.

    Laurence… Yes! I should publish all my Dumbass Books! They would come in quite handy for so many situations! Though, I don’t think that people receiving them would be very pleased! :-)

    Mocha… And best of luck to you. As a teacher in today’s education system, it must be rough with both hands tied behind your back to dish out some much-needed discipline in the classroom! When I was in school, they liberally passed out ass-beatings (“hacks”) to those in need of it. That’s impossible now-a-days, which blows my mind. If my kid did something so bad that the teacher needed to ship their ass… go right ahead. Hopefully I would have raised them to be better than that, but oh well.

    Jeff… Or “How to Raise Respectful Children for Dumbasses”?

    Ms. Sizzle… Yes. Quite. I don’t think that I’ve recovered even now. There’s something that dies inside of you when you have to witness this kind of crap.

    Bre… I would hope that’s true for MOST people, but apparently not. :-(

  15. sultana says:

    Maybe a Respect for Your Parents for Dumbasses is in order?

    My little guy had better not try anything like that! Lord have mercy on him if he does ;)

  16. Dave2 says:

    Yes! Thank you! This is totally what I am talking about. The world badly needs my Dumbass Books because, let’s face it, how else are the dumbasses of the world going to learn? It’s not like it’s legal to shoot them or anything. :-)

  17. Jeff says:

    Dave, stop on over when you get a sec. I put out a plea for yet another one of your must-have books on my post today – Attending Concerts for Dumbasses. I simply MUST have one!

  18. Laurence says:

    You’re right. But you must know that a “good” book is a book that sells well (un point, c’est tout). The author writes for a readership, isn’t it ? I have an optimistic nature. I think and I hope that your readership will appreciate your humour and will stand back from their actions. I really hope that there are more of person like this than of Dumbass.
    And since when we care what Dumbass think ?!? Depuis quand, Dave ?!? ;-)

  19. Belinda says:

    Trust me, that kid did not just spontaneously decide to scream blasphemies at his mother in a public parking-lot one day. He had a lifetime of shaping that led up to that point. In every relationship, no matter how casual–even with co-workers–you teach people how to treat you. We never move too far from that Skinner box, IMO.

  20. ChillyWilly says:

    I think some parents have simply become way too passive, most of them blaming it on how much society has changed about correcting your kids in public and how a lot of parking lots use video to film just about everything within viewable format.

    This child needs a good ass beating.

  21. Alexis says:

    I remember the one time when, mid-temper tantrum, I called my mom stupid. That wooden spoon came at me so fast I swear she had it hidden somewhere on her person for just such an occasion. Then I got a mouthful of liquid soap. Looking back, I didn’t even need the wooden spoon part – trying to scrub Liquid Dial out of your taste buds will teach anyone an unforgettable lesson.

    Fastforward many years to the summer I took her to see the South Park movie, which she loved…suddenly we’re singing along to the soundtrack together in the car, and even F#@% was no longer off limits when one was really pissed. But we never used it to relate or refer to each other – like many other commenters have said, it’s a matter of respect.

  22. SJ says:

    Geez, I used to get my mouth washed out with soap just for sassing! I wouldn’t have dreamed of cussing at my mom. She would’ve knocked a slat out of me.

    The sad thing is, that kid probably learned to talk to his mom like that from the way she talked to him.

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