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Posted on Thursday, June 1st, 2006

Dave!I am of the opinion that people who suffer from road rage are probably blameless for their condition. There are so many total dumbasses on the road that it's no wonder people are enraged. By the time I finally got across the mountains I was so overwhelmed with anger that I was very close to having a mental breakdown. You know it's bad when your throat is sore from screaming at idiots for three solid hours (knowing full well that they will never hear you).

Here is a puzzle for you...

Driver Quiz

Given the above situation do you...
A: Realize that you are delaying traffic and pissing people off, so you pull over at the next turnout.
B: Think that you are the center of the universe, don't give a shit about anybody else, and don't bother pulling off at the turnout because it would be an inconvenience.

If you answered A, then congratulations! You not only know how to read, but you also know how to drive legally! This gives you a DaveQ of 1000, so please go get a badge and display it proudly!

If you answered B, then please f#@% off and die. Seriously. It's bad enough that you are going 18 miles an hour under the speed limit, but the fact that you are breaking the law and causing people to have a brain hemorrhage BECAUSE YOU WON'T PULL THE F#@% OFF THE ROAD TO LET US PASS... well, I just want your stupid ass beat to shit until you die.



Ahem. But it was all worth it because once I got to Redmond it was Zombie time...



Everything turned out super-sweet (though the photos look a little freaky because I had to use a flash).

These shirts are pretty nifty because they are so astoundingly useful...

CONDITION: Hung-over on a Monday morning at work due to a weekend of heavy partying? EXCUSE YOU CAN USE: Zombies ate my brain.

CONDITION: Stayed up too late watching a marathon of old Arnold Schwartzenegger movies? EXCUSE YOU CAN USE: Zombies ate my brain.

CONDITION: Sick with the flu but can't afford to miss a day of work? EXCUSE YOU CAN USE: Zombies ate my brain.

CONDITION: Fall asleep while making love to your significant other? EXCUSE YOU CAN USE: Zombies ate my brain.

The beauty of it all is that you don't even have to say a word... just point to the shirt!

And now I'm off to Chicago...

Categories: DaveToons 2006, Travel 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. SJ says:

    Woo hoo! I am a DaveGenius AND one of those suhweet zombie shirts is MINE!!! Mine, I say, MINE!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!

  2. Dave2 says:

    They’re actually sweeter than you know… I wish I could have gotten a better picture. 🙁

  3. Brandon says:

    I’m glad I am not the only one who nearly lost his voice yelling at bad drivers today. I have had it with all the old people who live around where I work. At least I have noticed a few of them get offended at my “Not My President” bumper sticker.

    I’m bummed that I didn’t have any disposable cash when you were taking orders for the shirts. I might cry myself to sleep now.

  4. Belinda says:

    Yaay, can’t wait!

    And wouldn’t zombies having eaten your brain pretty much be a prerequisite for having watched an Ah-nuld marathon?

  5. Dave2 says:

    Probably. But I loves me the old Ahnuld movies… Predator… Terminator… Conan… Red Heat… even Raw Deal! I own them all on DVD and watch them frequently for mindless entertainment (though Terminator is one of the most brilliant movies ever made).

  6. Karl says:

    Excellent! Looking forward to the shirts. Have a great trip, Dave.

  7. alice says:

    I am glad I’m not the only person with driving pet peeves. my co-workers laugh at my exploits, but they really don’t realize how truly annoyed i get…

  8. Aargh says:

    I love to drive and have had fantasies where I have my own private roads so all the morons would just watch me drive past them and they would not know why they couldn’t use my roads.

    I am a Dave Genius and will proudly display my badge.

    Love your drawings.

  9. Nicola says:

    Those T’s look amazing!

    I wish that all roads were 2 lanes each way, where I live (in the beautiful mountains), there’s too many “single track” roads! (one lane for both directions!)

  10. Silvertongue says:

    I also had a bad driver/road rage issue recently…

    Yesterday after work, I had just gotten out of the parking lot when I was cut off, twice, and then the second person who cut me off decided to slow down immediately to 15 miles an hour (from the 60 mph she was going when she found the need to cut over directly in front of me, for no reason I could see) while chatting away on her cell phone and reapplying lipstick. I was screaming away at her within my car when I realized the person in the lane next to me was staring at me.

    Yeah, it was one of my co-workers. One of my least-favorite ones. One of the evil, petty, judgemental ones. Who saw me screaming my way into an aneurism.

    I, of course, pretended I was singing vehemently along to the radio. I mean, doesn’t everyone sing along so adamantly that veins stick out in their neck?


  11. Jeff says:

    Hope you have a superdooper blast in Chicago! And that should mean a lot considering how jealous I am of you all.

    Although I can’t imagine how you could possibly have a good time without me. 😉

  12. Kevin says:

    That sign actually exists on Washington roadways? Cool!

    Hey, I’m a bit disappointed… you didn’t sick a bunch of your braindead zombies on Microsoft while you were in Redmond? For shame!

  13. i8toomuch says:

    Condition: Caused major traffic jam because I was dumb enough to answer ‘B’ to your question..

    Excuse I can use: Zombies ate my brain!

  14. ChillyWilly says:

    Sweeeeeet!!! Can’t wait to get mine.

    Have fun in Chicago.

  15. ms. sizzle says:

    awesome t-shirts!

    have fun in chicago. give dave a hug for me. 😉

  16. ms. sizzle says:

    what i meant was- dave hug kevin, kevin hug dave.

    it didn’t come out right. 😉

  17. adena says:

    You drove all the way from Cashmere to Redmond JUST to get our tee-shirts??

    Talk about appreciating your readers, geez! I feel guilty for only sending you 10 bucks, now.

    As far as the meet up in Chicago. Waaaaay too far away. You need to do a Northwest meetup. And since my car is broken, maybe schedule it for someplace like….say….McMinnville! 🙂 (Hey you know people here, anyway…right?)

  18. kilax says:

    Yay, the t-shirts look great!

  19. Jeff says:

    BTW, make sure you all take lots of pictures. I’m hoping there will be posts-a-plenty to read from everyone next week!

  20. Neil says:

    Those t-shirts look great. Do we need to wash them in cold water?

  21. Dave2 says:

    All Artificial Duck Shirts come with an instruction manual, and all is explained within! 🙂

    That being said… cold or warm water is best to maintain the color fidelity and prevent excessive shrinkage. The REAL damage to ANY T-shirt, however, is the clothes dryer. T-Shirts should never, ever be put in a dryer. If you simply must do it, be sure to turn it inside-out first to protect the design.

    I washed my Zombie T with every load last night to test the image (4 times total) always in warm water, and it only lost a half-size (as expected). But, if you were to blast it in a dryer, I’m sure it would shrink more.

  22. Cheryl says:

    I passed both tests. Does that mean I’m part of the Dave’s 500? Thanks for the badge. Give Ken and Kelly both a hug from me!

  23. jodi says:

    wow… i admire the respect you show the tshirt… line drying, that’s awesome.

    i will wear my zombie shirt with pride. i am thinking of starting a new sub category of my massive tshirt collection “tshirts from blogs i read.”

  24. dandyna says:

    Hello! I am dandyna from Italy, I reached this blog from BlogCode who found our blogs to match wonderfully! So here I am to say hi and bubbles 🙂 have a nice day

  25. delmer says:

    On the recent trip to Tennessee I encountered too many semis w/trailer that wanted to pass the semi w/trailer in front of them that was going .001 mph too slow for their liking.

    As the trailing rig would swing around (and I say that loosly) the leading rig the increased wind resistance would actually cause the second rig to slow a bit. He would eventually regain his speed and then pass the leading rig, who we’ll say was going and even 60 mph, at his desired speed of 60.001 mph.

    It was agonizing to watch and get caught behind.

  26. margalit says:

    Oh, I just can’t wait to get mine. I ordered it huge for sleeping, but I might have to shrink it so I can wear it outside. Because, with twins, Zombies ate my brain long long ago.

    Have a great time in Chicago and don’t eat too much pizza. Hope you get to a cubs game.

  27. suze says:

    stupid drivers are one of the few things that really gets my blood pressure steaming. well, stupid people in general i guess…

  28. James says:

    Sweet shirts!

    I’d Love to buy one, but, you know…

    Zombies ate my brain.

  29. Brent says:

    God damn, these look awesome! I think I might buy one of these bad boys. I typically don’t like people who use a lot of excuses but I like this one. It can get you out of a lot of jams. Pulled over for speeding? You got it: Zombies ate my brain. Innapporpriately touching your 90 year old grandma? Well, that’s just gross.

  30. Bec says:

    T-shirt joy! So pretty…

  31. Chanakin says:

    You should learn the Tactical Vehicle Intervention maneuver…

    Shirts! wOOt!

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