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Posted on Sunday, June 11th, 2006

Dave!What an incredibly crappy day.

Instead of spending my weekend relaxing, goofing off, and playing Xbox... I instead spent all of it working. Ordinarily this wouldn't bother me so much, but all this non-stop work is driving me insane. Literally.

Lately I've taken to talking to myself. And I'm not talking about simply reciting things in my head, but having actual conversations with myself. Like last night...

Dave: Oh crap, I have no idea what I want for dinner tonight.
Dave: A fried egg sandwich sounds good.
Dave: Hey, that does sound tasty! A fried egg sandwich it is then!

Or this morning...

Dave: I miss Chicago. I could so totally live there. Hey! I should move to Chicago!!
Dave: You don't want to move to Chicago.
Dave: Yeah, I guess you're right.

And just now...

Dave: Now that the season is over, television sucks ass!
Dave: Hey, isn't there new Entourage on tonight?
Dave: Oooh... I almost forgot about that! Thanks for reminding me!

And so on.

My self-psychoanalysis has diagnosed a mild form of schizophrenia, so I've written myself a prescription for a tablespoon of Pepto Bismol and a cold beer. I am convinced that everything can be cured by Peptol Bismol... but I hate the taste of it (hence the beer chaser). If one day they announce that Pepto Bismol cures cancer I won't be the least bit surprised, because the stuff is a miracle in a bottle. I lived on the stuff in college...


Too bad it makes your poop turn black.

And now I'm off to box up a bunch of T-shirt before bedtime...

Categories: DaveLife 2006, DaveToons 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. RW says:

    I’m speechless.
    No you’re not.
    You could be very happy in Chicago, Dave.
    Yes, he would.

  2. nicole says:

    Well gee, that explains it. So I guess pink + brown = black? 😉

  3. Troy says:

    As long as it’s an inner monologue you should be okay. If not a nice trip to the padded palace might be in your near future.

    P.S. According to my friends Rolaids and/or Tums is actually the cure for everything. At least that is what they believe.

  4. Thank you for reminding me about Entourage! My day just got less crappy because of you.

    I will hoist a shot of the Bis in your honor tonight, sir!

  5. jenny says:

    You should TOTALLY listen to yourself when he tells you to move to Chicago. The Bean controls you… The Bean commands you to move here… 🙂

  6. ChicagoDave says:

    At least you were right two out of three times. You DO want to move to Chicago.

  7. Jeff says:

    I guess that’s better than pink poop.

    That would just be weird.

  8. Karl says:

    Ah, it’s like you’re starring in “Multiplicity II: the Dave Factor.” So what is the preferred beer brand for a Pepto chaser, anyway?

  9. SJ says:

    Not only your poop, but your tongue as well! Or maybe your beer chaser rinses it off your tongue well enough to prevent that. Mom told me it was the pepsin in it, but I have no idea if she knew what she was talking about.

    Yeah, the Pink Miracle once got me through an icky bout of food poisoning. It’s always in the medicine cabinet.

  10. alice says:

    isn’t the first step is admitting there could be a problem? lol. i think your diagnosis applies to me, too. however, i don’t think i like the cure. i’d rather keep talking to myself.

  11. Hilly says:

    Don’t worry too too much; I do it at WORK, mind you. Yes, it is that scary at times 😉

  12. James says:

    Can you say Pepto-Beermol?
    In my short life i’ve never used that stuff.

  13. Hey, you mean it’s not normal to have those conversations with yourself? I do it all. the. time. If anyone asks me who I’m talking to, I just say the cat.

    I can’t take Pepto. Makes me chunk about 5 minutes after drinking it. Bleh. Should be outlawed.

    And you so don’t want to move to Chicago. Just say NO. I used to travel there on business and in the winter, we’d get out of the limo and literally have a rope to guide us into the building and keep us from falling down or losing our way. Totally messed up, yo.

  14. karla says:


    Oh God. I am off food for the next two days. I can’t think of any two different flavors I would NOT want next to each other.

  15. Laurence says:

    Dave, I don’t think you’re schizophren.
    Sorry, but I’ll continue in French.
    Tout le monde s’auto-évalue. Mais il n’est pas toujours facile de s’auto-évaluer. Je pense que cela a un rapport avec l’estime de soi. Plus son estime de soi baisse, plus on se focalise sur soi-même. Une bonne estime de soi ressemble à un moteur : silencieuse, elle se contente de remplir sa fonction, c’est-à-dire faciliter le lien au monde.
    You’d to work sunday and you re-sifted negative thoughts on yourself. Your regard of oneself dropped just for a day.
    It’s my phisolophical point of view. Paul Valéry, french writer and poet (1871-1945) thought : “Modestes sont ceux en qui le sentiment d’être d’abord des hommes l’emporte sur le sentiment d’être soi-même. Ils sont plus attentifs à leur ressemblance avec le commun qu’à leur différence et singularité…”

  16. babyoog says:

    I had the opposite problem this weekend. I needed to work, but I didn’t. I slept instead. Yeah, yeah, too bad girly. Except I’m going to pay for it today. 🙁

  17. kilax says:

    It’s okay that you talk to yourself. I talk to my stuffed cat and imagine what she is thinking. At least you can have a dialouge!

    Hope next weekend is better for you!

    (and you should move to Chicago!)

  18. Kevin says:

    Black? Really?


    And I’m with Kilax, you should move to Chicago. Much more to do here.

  19. ms. sizzle says:

    fried egg sandwich = delicious (eating one right now!) but did ya really have to tell me about the black poo? losing. . . my. . . appetite…

  20. Chanakin says:

    Sum up your day in three jingles:

    the incredible, edible egg
    coats, soothes, relieves
    plop, plop, fizz, fizz

  21. Nancy says:

    There may be unforseen forces at work here.

    I don’t want to alarm you Dave, but have you considered that shards of your identity are functioning independently in other areas of this world and other realms?

    I was guided to this place and I think it was to share this with you…Or Sean Lennon, I’m not quite sure.

    Please, sit down while you watch this:

  22. Bre says:

    I think the important question is: do you talk to yourself out loud, or is it all internal?

  23. Deb_LA says:

    Um, I talk to myself all the time. Oh, but I am insane so you probably shouldn’t go by me…

  24. James says:

    Does Dave have any special technique to making a good fried egg sandwich?

  25. Susan says:

    Oh no! *she moans* I can’t believe he wrote about Pepto Bismol + beer. I talk to my stomach a lot and it’s telling me that you’re crazy. I agree.

  26. Hannah says:

    Completely supportive of the Chicago idea as well. It’s a great town. If you moved this weekend you’d be in time for the Taste. And the movies in the park. But if you don’t like the cold, maybe just move here for the summer.

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