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Posted on Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006

Dave!This will be a short entry because I am tired. I am tired because I have been working for almost 16 hours now. And when I get tired, my eyes don't want to focus very well... especially on a computer screen, which makes typing into my blog very difficult. It is difficult because I cannot look directly at the screen, but instead have to trick myself into seeing what I type by looking at the screen out of the corner of my eye.

Not only is this a slow and inefficient way to type, but it gives me a headache.

Hence the short entry.

For a dinner break I went to eat at one of my most favorite restaurants ever... Johnny Rockets. I always order a Streamliner Veggie Burger with NO grilled onions and NO mustard. I like these burgers so much that I had the same thing for dinner last night and will probably have the same thing again for dinner tomorrow. I would also have one of these burgers for breakfast in the morning, but Johnny Rockets isn't open for breakfast. I suppose that even if they were open for breakfast, they probably wouldn't be serving Streamliner Veggie Burgers with NO grilled onions and NO mustard on their breakfast menu, so I guess it really doesn't matter if they were open for breakfast or not. Because you can get scrambled eggs and toast anywhere.

After dinner at Johnny Rockets I walked back to my hotel room so I could work some more.

Along the way I saw a guy holding this sign in front of Macy's...

Ninjas killed my family... I need money for kung-fu lessons.

This was funny enough that I sincerely wanted to give him money, but I am not allowed to do that. You see, if I were to give him money, he could then use that money to harm others (by buying a gun and shooting them or something) or harm himself (by buying drugs or something). If he was hungry, I could buy him food... or if he was sick I could buy him medicine (for example)... but giving money is out of the question. Oh well. It was still a cool sign.

As if that weren't interesting enough, I also overheard a disheveled man talking to his equally disheveled friend outside of the Starbucks at Westlake...

"No Man... No Man... It burns when I'm peein' man. There's something wrong up there. There's something wrong".

This was amusing at first, but then it made me sad. It makes me sad that it burns when this man pees and he can't afford to go see a doctor and get it fixed. This being America, one of the wealthiest nations on the face of the earth, I think that everybody should have the right to pee burn-free. How f#@%ed up is it that we can spend billions of dollars blowing shit up half a world away, but this man has to go through life with a penis that feels like it's on fire when he urinates?

This kind of stupid shit drives me insane.

It also makes me want to go to Washington D.C. and bitch-slap every f#@%ing politician in the city.


This entry has gone on for a lot longer than I thought it would. And now I have a headache. Blargh.

Categories: DaveLife 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Karl says:

    It’s so messed up when I feel like laughing and crying at the same time because things are so effed up in this country. Like you, I will buy people meals but I won’t flat out give them cash. The other story about the burning pee…that’s just wrong. How can this crap happen in “the most powerful nation on the planet?”

  2. Belinda says:

    If you see that guy again (the first one), you should buy him a Streamliner Veggie Burger with NO grilled onions and NO mustard.

    Maybe the other fella just hadn’t gotten around to going to the doctor yet…let’s hope. I think our “free clinic” (which isn’t really free) sees a lot of burning pee type problems.

    And if you need help funding that trip to Washington D.C., you can count on me.

    And thank you for the kind words earlier. I’m not too good lately.

  3. Erin says:

    It’s wrong, so wrong that we can’t provide at least basic health care to everyone. Like all every other civilized nation in the world does. Nope, we spend our (collective) money on guns and tanks and an unjustified war… makes me want to cry.

  4. karla says:

    It truly pisses me off when I think that just HALF of what has been spent in Iraq would have paid for health care insurance for EVERYONE in the US by now….

  5. RW says:

    On the other hand, it is possible he’s had that penis somewhere where it isn’t my responsibility what eventually happened to it. I mean if he just woke up one morning with the mustard you didn’t want on your veggie burger somewhere up his tract that may be reason enough for me to pay for why it feels like habaneros when he pees – but if it is that way because he had that thing in a place I already spent money on explaining why he shouldn’t have it there without a cover; then I’m spending money not only on reminding him what he should already be able to figure out on his own but also to fix what he could have prevented if he wasn’t such a dumbass in the first place. So I end up spending money twice on a hopeless clown who my first bunch of money was pissed away on to begin with.

    Unless of course he got that way because he didn’t eat enough red meat – or his diet consisted completely of JohnnyRocket veggie burgers. Or somebody stuck a pin in his voodoo doll. In which case I suppose I wouldn’t actually mind having my taxes pay for some guy’s burning penis.

    You shoulda asked him maybe. Then I wouldn’t be so morally conflicted.

  6. Bec says:

    There are a lot of homeless in Preston too and whenever I see them it makes me angry that anyone should be left his way… especially when you see politicians complaining that they spend too much on the welfare of the country… and then build a new conference centre or similar…
    Although Ninja Guy deserves applause for originality.

  7. Nicola says:

    I guess I should be thankful that we have the “NHS” which means it’s free to go see a doctor and you get your medicine free too under certain circumstances/criteria (which I think your poor burning soul would meet).

    The world can be a shitty place, huh?

  8. Mocha says:

    Looks like you got inspired to write more as those things affected you. I know the feeling.

    Are you collecting money to go to Washington,DC for that trip? I’d be in, but prefer to do my bitch-slapping on my own.

  9. Bre says:

    That is rather clever, I must admit. It makes me ill to see people like Brandon Davis, drunk off his mind, calling Lindsay Lohan “poor” because she only makes 7 million when we have real problems like this.

    Meanwhile, I’ll be in DC on Friday…

  10. SJ says:

    Because you are an extremely intelligent man, I’m going to assume you are strict with yourself about taking a 10-minute break every two or three hours, and that you are already aware this actually keeps you more productive and alert. OK. My eye doctor told me the best way to ease eye strain from computer work is to allow your eyes to focus on things further distances away during those breaks (for the ENTIRE time). NOTHING CLOSE. Go outside and gaze at the horizon, or wander around looking at buildings across the street. NO READING. No peering through a camera. No TV, unless it’s across a big room from you. Don’t squint or strain; just gaze and allow your eyes time to refocus and adjust. I think he said this is actually using different muscles of your eyes or something. Please try this! It should really help your eye fatigue and resulting headaches.

    Because you know, I can’t have my most doting fan unable to read my golden prose at the end of a hard day. OR his own! ;>)

  11. The Gay Guru says:

    I agree we need to help ourselves more before we keep helping others, (at least we DID go there to help the Iraqi’s didn’t we?, but i digress.) From 10,000 paid for Fema trailers, empty, sitting in a vacant lot in Arkansas, to an ammendment to write discrimination into a constitution about the ideals of freedom in a new land, we are seriously messed up. I also agree to not giving money hand outs, but giving them what they need, like food. (well maybe you could have given him a set of nun-chucks or one of those kewl smoke tablets that ninja’s throw to the ground to dissappear.) Anyway, glad all the work you are doing away from home, doesnt affect your sharp observations and writing…..GG

  12. adena says:

    You’re right… Mustard is gross. 🙂

  13. Avitable says:

    Can’t “burning penis man” go see a doctor at a free clinic? I have no idea how those things work, but I thought that people who couldn’t afford for basic health care can still get it at clinics.

  14. Jeff says:

    “…everybody should have the right to pee burn-free.”


  15. Eve says:

    While I wholeheartedly agree with you about the sad state of this administration and the need for all Americans to have adequate health care, I’m guessing the disheveled burning-pee guy has better access to medical treatment than a working-class slob.

    The extremely poor are usually eligible for Medicaid, and while Medicaid isn’t the best coverage, it’s better than NOTHING! Unfortunately, some “disheveled” people on the street will not apply for Medicaid because they might have to go into rehab programs to gain eligibility.

    Otherwise, the typical working-poor person in the country is SCREWED!

  16. Kevin says:

    You do realize if you take that D.C. trip, most of us will tag along to make it that much quicker for you by providing our own hands to do some bitch slapping of our own, right?

  17. Therese, RN says:

    Wow, your commenters are amazing. I was going to offer many of the same comments, but now I don’t have to. I hope the disheveled guy gets to the free clinic, and then can take the antibiotics correctly (which means not taking them with alcohol, remembering to take them at the appropriate times, and finishing the entire bottle of pills).

  18. adena says:

    Seriously, though…I love when homeless people have funny signs. I once saw a guy standing on the side of a busy road holding a sign that said “I bet you can’t hit me with a quarter!”

    I think stuff like that shows the triumph of human spirit, or something. That you can be in SUCH a shitty situation, with no home and no money, and still keep your sense of humor…

  19. ms. sizzle says:

    uh oh, sounds like that poor fella has a mean case of the clap. ouch!

    that kind of stuff pisses (excuse the pun) me off too. why can’t we help each other here? i love that we want to help all over the world but at what price?

  20. HeideH says:

    I actually have a picture of a guy holding that same sign. I wonder if it’s the same guy or if the homeless are now surfing the web trying to find cool sign ideas? Hmmm……….

  21. Chanakin says:

    That doesn’t say much for Starbucks coffee

  22. kilax says:

    Why don’t you like grilled onions and mustard? Do onions give you indigestion?

  23. Deb_LA says:

    Our healthcare system blows chunks.

    I think I need to try that Veggie Burger, damn!

  24. bluepaintred says:

    i feel very sad for that man’s penis. I live in canada and have free health care ~ and every time i take my kids to the doctor, i am thankful all over again for it!

  25. RW says:

    If Dave’d take the onions raw and the mustard horseradish-based he wouldn’t have had those damn STONES either!

  26. I would have had to give Ninja guy everything I had in my pockets, just because he deserves it for such a kick butt sign.

    I’d also like to sponsor your trip to DC, but only if you promised to throw a few elbows as well.

  27. Mooselet says:

    Hey, I like mustard. Nothing better on a burger or sausage than ketchup and mustard all mixed together. Yummy.

    No matter how that poor man got into that state of having his penis burn when he wees, it sucks that he can’t go and have it taken care of. And people wonder why I’m not jumping to move back to the US.

  28. Tonya says:

    Kiss! Been awhile.

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