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Posted on Monday, June 20th, 2005

Dave!I am very cross this evening. Very cross indeed.

This is probably due to my working 16-18 hours every day for the past two weeks, but it could very well be that I'm just a crotchety bastard who is tired of the never-ending legal stupidity that seems to accumulate day after day. Here's just a sampling from this morning's news...

Flag. Oh crap. Boing Boing is reporting that Hollywood turd-wranglers are trying once again to sneak the "Broadcast Flag" bullshit onto a Senate appropriations bill. This time they're taking no chances and being really sneaky... they're attaching it TOMORROW. This insane attempt to completely control all aspects of how Americans watch television was already swatted down once but, thanks to the totally f#@%ed up way our government works, is back from the dead. Why is it that we have a legal system that allows legislation to be snuck onto bills without any debate? That's pretty chicken-shit if you ask me, and explains how idiotic crap like the "Real ID" act gets passed into law despite public outcry. If this bitch passes, you can kiss TiVo goodbye. I'll then be telling Hollywood to kiss my ass, and turn to sock puppets and masturbation as my sole sources of entertainment. Because if you can't play well with others...

Patent. How to make a million dollars without doing shit... 1) Think up some new obtuse method of doing something simple and draw a picture of it as a computer interface. 2) Take advantage of our antiquated and tech-inhibiting legal system to get a patent. 3) Sit back and wait for some poor bastard to come along and actually create this blindingly obvious product that should have never been given a patent in the first place. 4) DON'T ACT... WAIT!! Wait five or six years for the product to become a phenomena, and then sue. SUE LIKE THE WIND YOU SCAMMER f#@%!! Never mind that you never had any intention of building the shit... you drew a crappy picture, so go get your million dollars!! 5) Be content that you are contributing to a problem that will inhibit future technology from ever being developed, due to fear of dumbass patent-infringing legal action. If you want a text-book case to study, here's one: Apple is being sued over iTunes.

I'm already working on my own patent right now...

Dave Bread Slicer

Once they start building computerized bread slicers (or automated circumcising machines), I'm rich, baby!!

This case against Apple is complete bullshit. Seriously. Music can be organized using artists, albums, songs, cover art, and genres. THAT'S IT!! FIVE f#@%ING THINGS! How many ways is there to display such limited information so that it makes sense? One? Two or three? FIVE perhaps?!? This is basic, basic, BASIC stuff. ANYBODY designing a player for music is going to come up with pretty much the same thing. And yet some ass-clown was able to get a patent for it. Stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID. Whoever granted the patent for this needs to be kicked in the ass and then bashed in the head with a rock. Even if lame patents are allowed, you should then be required to actually BUILD THE DAMN THING within a certain period of time! Use it or lose it dumbasses.

Misery. And lastly, some crazy bitch is suing Stephen King because she claims her life is the inspiration for his book Misery. Given that the character in question was a psychotic nurse, I'm happy to see that life is indeed imitating art. But the best part is yet to come... this is not the first time that she has sued the famous author. Back in 1991, the same woman accused King of breaking into her house numerous times and stealing manuscripts written by her and her brother. Assumably the manuscripts were the basis for his best-selling books. Never mind that the case was dismissed... this total whack-job is allowed to once again clog up our overcrowded courts with her bullshit. Whatever monkey-spanking lawyer took this case should be flogged in public.

There are more, of course. Stupid lawsuits are filed at a rate of thousands per day. But so long as lawyers are actually allowed to live for propagating such ambulance-chasing crap, nothing is ever going to change. One day society WILL tire of this moronic behavior, and it will be legal (encouraged, even) to shoot lawyers in the head whenever they file a frivolous lawsuit. When that day comes, I am so applying for a job as a file clerk at the local courthouse.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "Kids are starving in China and you're walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts!"
Day-Before-Yesterday's Answer: Daredevil (2003) with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner.

Categories: DaveLife 2005Click To It: Permalink


  1. Patrick says:

    Shouldn’t Nullsoft (WinAMP) step up and sue Contois’s asses, then? Software patents is really just pure b-s, and they want to introduce it in Europe too.

  2. Mark Gilbert says:

    Wow, its only 11am and i’ve already got an image of dave masterbating in my head. Usually that only happens much much later.

  3. delmer says:

    I read something in one of the freebie mags I get that something may be in the works to straighten out the patent process to prevent what you’re talking about.

    Do you recall the “look and feel” lawsuit involving Lotus several years ago (well, 1989 per Google)? I dug up this chant:

    1, 2, 3, 4 / Kick the lawsuit out the door.
    5, 6, 7, 8 / Innovate, don’t litigate.
    9, A, B, C / Freedom, not monopoly.
    D, E, F, 0 / Look-and-feel has got to go

    I remember reading that it was:
    9 A B C / Interfaces must be free.

    Which I think has a nicer feel.

  4. HeideH says:

    While I agree with you fully, I really think you need to cut down on the Coke with Lime. All that caffine is making you a little touchy : )

  5. Perry the Ref says:

    That’s crazy. I am going to come up with an idea where people can keep friends up to date with their thoughts and others can view it and leave comments.

    Trouble is I need a snappy name for it:

    Lots of fun to have with it
    Ordinary people can use it
    Great fun

    Hmm blog that sounds Ok. I wonder if that has been thought of yet??

    I also have a confession. I have sinned. I am so sorry Mr Gates but I now own (and LOVE) a 20g iPod which was a present for my birthday / Fathers Day from my two boys

  6. SJ says:

    God, Dave, you are so HOT when you’re pissed off!

    I’ll be right behind you in the job app line at the courthouse.

  7. Peggy Archer says:

    Decaf, Dave. Decaf.

    Sorry to hear about the 16-18 hour days. I’m a lazy bum now, but soon I’ll feel your pain.

  8. Dave2 says:

    Now that I am reading through this rant again, methinks I went a little overboard this time.

    Don’t post angry! Never post while angry.

    Though, apparently, some people find me totally hot when angry… so I suppose it’s a toss-up? 🙂

  9. delmer says:

    I somehow missed the Misery part from yesterday. Are we to believe this woman has a box full of feet in her closet? I didn’t read Misery, but it is my understanding that rather than hobble the main character, the foot was chopped off in the book.

    Every time I read about one of these insane lawsuits it depresses me a bit and makes my life less worth living. I should be able to sue the bringers of those idiotic suits for putting a harsh on my mellow. (Well, I realize I can sue for just about anything. There’s just not enough white trash in my genes to allow it.)

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