Wouldn't it be great if you could send a bill to people who waste your time? I mean, if time truly is money, then shouldn't I get paid when forced to interact with some dumbass who steals away minutes I could have spent doing something more important?
I think about this often when dealing with airlines, phone companies, technical support, and other organizations that seem to excel at pissing away my valuable time. Yesterday, as I was trying to make my way home, I had more than my fair share of it. In fact, I think I should have netted out around $1000 in dumbass-billable hours.
But it's not all bad news, while trying to catch up with work today, I've been watching all the TiVo-ed television shows I missed last week. Alias, which has been taking a nose-dive as of late, finally managed to churn out a decent show (with Lena Olin, no less!). Lost was kind of an interesting stop-gap until this week's season finale (which looks incredible). Grey's Anatomy was brilliant as always. The Tarantino-directed CSI did not disappoint and was suitably disturbing (I never thought George Eads had it in him). And even The O.C. was unexpectedly entertaining. Good television is so rare, I feel like I've entered some kind of alternate dimension or something.
In other news, I've decided to host my own talk show...
My first guests will be Elizabeth Hurley, Batman, Paris Hilton, and (time permitting) President George W. Bush. I'm thinking there will also be a segment for "Stupid Jared Tricks" where I make Jared (from the dumbass Subway commercials) jump in a tank with hungry sharks and other cool stuff.
If Tony Danza can do it, how hard can it be?
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Can I be a guest?
I’m feelin ya. What would be a good name for your show? Would it be daytime a la “David Jesse Rafael”? No…..”Late Nite with David HeadExploderMan”. Or in the Jimmy Kimmel vain of “The 23% gay man show”????????????
Sure Ben… I think I’ve got an opening next March in-between Madonna and His Royal Highness Prince Charles. It’s Hawaiian Shirt Day, so be sure to arrive dressed appropriately.
The program will simply be billed as “Dave’s Bad-Ass Blogography Show”… and there will be monkeys.
And pirates?
Can I be in the house band? We’ll need a name.
Time is money… I learned that at a doctor’s office the other day. While completing the mandatory pre-visit paperwork, I discovered this doctor is all about the money. His practice requires patients to sign a document stating that you agree to their billing procedures which include charging you, the patient, $2.50 PER MINUTE of any phone call made on your behalf. I can just imagine the office drone calling my insurance company yakkin’ about the great weather in FL or about that yahoo on American Idol while I pay out my ass for the billable service. They should have paid ME for every time I read that agreement because I certainly didn’t believe what I was reading the first five times I read it. I agreed for that day but I’m not going back unless I can bill them for my time and mileage.
Your show would be much more entertaining than Tony’s is. I watched it once by accident. It sucked. I will be billing him for my time.
You should call you show “Dave The Man Show”.
Cuz You Da Man.
I love me some Romy & Michele.
Did you know they are making a (TV) prequel to Romy & Michelle? I think Katherine Heigl is playing Romy (and while I can’t think of the other actress, it seems to me she’s in another movie with her yet this year).