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Posted on Thursday, February 10th, 2005

Dave!Perhaps it's the splitting migraines that have been plaguing me all week, but I am in a terrible mood. Nothing seems to be making me happy. In the hopes that I can alleviate my frustrations, I'm venting things that suck today. Lucky you.

Alias: What in the heck was last night's Alias supposed to be? I don't know. But I will tell you what it actually was: STUPID! I was so happy that the show seemed to be back on track, but now we've got hallucinations, vampires, and rampant idiocy going on at mind-numbing levels. If this is what we have to look forward to for the rest of the season, I wish somebody would let me know so that I can stop watching right now. This has got to be the worst episode of Alias yet, scraping the bottom of the barrel with the rest of the crap that's on television.

Podcasting: Whatever. I suppose when something comes out in a podcast that I actually want to listen to... then I'll start getting excited about it. But, after trying dozens of different "shows," I am less than impressed. When Stern starts a podcast, somebody let me know. I wish Robin Williams would do a weekly podcast, that would rule: comedy podcasts for when you need a dose of funny.

American Dad: We waited all this time so that Seth MacFarlane could create American Dad, a grossly inferior copy of his brilliant Family Guy show? What a complete and total waste of time. Stewie has been replaced by a fish and Brian has been replaced by an alien, but it's basically the same show... only not funny. Thank heavens that the original Family Guy is coming back in May.

Service Pack: I don't use my Windows PC unless forced, which means that it's never much kept up to date with the latest round of bug patches and useless security fixes. This morning I fired it up to find out I had Windows XP Service Pack 2 awaiting (and probably many others, but it's hard to tell). I noticed that Internet Explorer is finally getting a pop-up blocker, so I figure that alone is worth the hassle of downloading SP2. Anyway, my Windows PC is now officially dead. Since I'd rather shoot myself in the head than go through another WinXP install, I've decided to just leave it that way. Microsoft bastards. And here I was actually considering the purchase of a Tablet PC... what was I thinking? Look, it's a version of Windows that sucks just as bad as regular Windows, but you can use a pen instead of a mouse!

iPhoto: And to show I'm not 100% biased here, I offer the following: Given that I am a certified Apple whore, do you know how hard it is for me to find something to criticize about Apple software? Well iPhoto 5 makes it easy, because it's a steaming pile of crap. It's worse than crap. In fact, you usually have to search through Windows 98 shareware collections to find something with this magnitude of suckage. Slow to the point of being absolutely unusable, I have to wonder if anybody at Apple even bothered to test this ass-sucking turd of a program on anything other than a Dual-G5 machine. Apparently they didn't bother to test it at all, considering that many people lost their photos in the upgrade from version 4. Did Apple get bought out by Microsoft while I wasn't looking?

Wonderfalls: I finally finished watching all thirteen glorious episodes of Wonderfalls on DVD and have to wonder... how could this remarkable show be canceled so FOX could have room for shit like Trading Spouses in their schedule? As if that wasn't enough, the inferior "girl talks to God" show Joan of Arcadia is still running. While I used to actually like Joan, she has turned into a whiny bitch that's so boring in the latest round of shows that I've stopped watching it entirely.

Boca Burger: When I became a vegetarian, I was ever-so-grateful when "Boca Burgers" came along, because I could then enjoy the most deliciously fantastic hamburgers... all mad-cow free! But in the past year, they've re-formulated the recipe, and now they taste like ass. Wet ass. I don't know what in the heck they are thinking, but now their burger patties are slimy, soggy, and horrible in every way. Where I once was eating them by the box-fulls, now I can't even stand to look at them. I guess when the company was bought out by the cancer cartel of Philip Morris tobacco (under their "Kraft Foods" umbrella) they decided they didn't want people to actually buy the product anymore, and made it taste and "feel" like shit to get these results. Well congratulations, as if supporting big tobacco wasn't enough of a reason to stop buying them, now you've given me a reason I can't ignore.

Seattle: WHY DOESN'T SEATTLE HAVE A HARD ROCK CAFE YET?!? I mean, come on... Latvia is getting a cafe for heaven's sake! LATVIA! And, while we're at it, whatever happened to the cafes that were supposed to open up in Oslo and Frankfurt? Lastly, it also sucks that the "Hard Rock Beach Club" experiment has closed in Choctaw. UPDATE: It has just been brought to my attention that the cafe in Queenstown, New Zealand has also closed... which is horrible, because I hadn't made it to that one yet!

Station: It seems as though you can't just sit down and watch television anymore. Oh no, first there was station identification "badges" in the corner, now we've got pop-up ads, news tickers, and loads of other obnoxious crap to distract you while trying to watch your favorite show. I weep for the future. How much longer until our television screens are cluttered with so much shit that you can't even watch the actual show?

Television ID

Trackback: If things keep going as badly as they are now, I will soon be joining the multitudes that are disabling trackbacks on their blogs (like Antipixel and Wirefarm). I loathe waking up in the morning to find 70 emails notifying my of trackback spams... all of which must be deleted and blacklisted. When is it going to be legal to hunt down and slaughter these low-life, bottom-feeding, bug-f#@%ers like the ass-biting dicks they are? They've taken a wonderful feature of the blogosphere and destroyed it utterly.

Lahti: I finally gave in to peer pressure and started having TiVo record Jack & Bobby, which is the story of a young boy "Bobby" who is destined to one day be president, and his growing up with brother "Jack" under the femi-nazi domination of their bitch-from-hell mother "Grace." It's a fascinating concept with good writing and interesting twists... all destroyed by Christina Lahti's completely unlikable portrayal of "Grace." She has -zero- redeeming qualities, and I find it mind-boggling that such a heinous character was ever green-lighted for television. Just like CSI: Miami which I cannot force myself to watch because of David Caruso's arrogantly laughable William Peterson impersination, I'm afraid that Jack & Bobby ain't making my list of must-see shows so long as Lahti is so horribly featured on it.

Hate: I can't help but wonder if these so-called devout Christians who email me the most hateful emails I've ever received understand what the word "hypocrisy" means. I must be on some kind of watch-list since the clown thing, because every single time I speak my mind on such things as gay marriage and other "controversial" topics, I am bound to get at least one raving email (can't you people leave comments?). In my previous post where I recommend a book by Bill Bryson where he discusses the "science of everything" (including evolution) I received an email telling me I was a "shill for Godlessness" and then was consigned to hell... again! I usually don't dignify such things with a response, but I am feeling especially frisky today, so here it is: f#@% you. And I'll also offer a helpful hint: if reading my blog makes you so upset, STOP READING IT YOU DUMBASS! I have never, ever, been anything but supportive and accepting to people's belief structure, and don't think it's out of line to ask the same courtesy from others. Go read somebody else's blog that won't bring about such hatred because, let's face it, there's enough of that in the world just now and I don't want to hear it.

Movie Quotable of the Day: "You shot me! I can't believe it... they're giving you a medal for shooting me, you little prick."
Yesterday's Answer: Office Space (1999) with Ron Livingston and Jennifer Aniston.

Categories: Blogging 2005, Food 2005, Television 2005Click To It: Permalink


  1. Pamela says:

    Noooooo…Don’t say it Dave. Alias surely hasn’t gone down the crapper. The thought of the new series was all that was me keeping wading through the waves of turd infested crud that is on TV at the moment (With a few shining exceptions). I’m crushed…

    (I also have had a bad few days and have decided to join in the rant!)

  2. Pamela says:

    Oh and the movie quote…


    Yay, I got one!!!

  3. Patrick says:

    I was also really disappointed with the last episode of Alias. I would definitely fire Sidney for what she did – jeopardising her co-workers while on a mission. And she knew something was wrong with her…why didn’t she say something!
    I knew as soon she was exposed to it, that the episode would head in that direction – way too predictable.

  4. Chuck says:

    Good writing. Just excellent. That aside, I found your site quite randomly when I did a search on migraine.

    I laughed my axx off when I read your most recent post. Couldn’t help but comment. Keep up the great writing.

  5. Ben says:

    Wake up on the wrong side of the bed, this morning?

  6. Ben says:

    I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around the city, keeping its SPEED above 50. And if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called ‘The Bus that Couldn’t Slow Down’.

    I think your quote is from that movie.

  7. Dave2 says:

    I can only hope that the suckage from the most recent Alias episode is a one-time thing, because I would be destroyed if such an excellent show became unwatchable.

    And yes, the movie quote is from Speed, made by the ever-clever Jeff Daniels to a stupefying Keanu Reeves.

  8. Dennis says:

    You’re in quite a mood today… I was having some guilt and thought I was a little bad for making an assistant cry at the office today, but since your sh*t list has about 50 percent of the world’s population on it, I’m feeling like a pretty nice guy. Thanks for that.

    Anyway, Alias was completely unacceptable. I would rather have watched that stupid Nanny-Hero show or even Dr. Phil than to have seen this train wreck. The show ended, and I guess the best way to describe it is to say that I was in shock. Just sitting on the sofa with the feeling that I just didn’t get it, because it couldn’t have really been what I thought it was. I had to watch again just to make sure.

    I can’t watch ER anymore either, and I used to love it. It was that helicopter thing with Dr. Romano that really turned me against it. I think I’m getting there with Alias too.

    Podcasting? *Yawn*

  9. Neil T. says:

    As for trackback, I really hope that Six Apart put Trackback moderation in the next release, and prevent people from submitting trackbacks via open proxies by default. I haven’t been hit with trackback spam at all for a while now but I think that’s because my host has done some technical jiggery pokery to stop it happening. I still get some plain old comment spam but MT-Blacklist manages to field most of it.

  10. The Ref, LGC, England says:

    Boy are we having a bad day. What happened to the happy go lucky DII?

  11. Dave2 says:

    Actually, this list was pared down by half. It was much worse before I edited it down for posting! That’s about as happy-go-lucky as I can get just now.

  12. mrjerz says:

    I am so glad I wasn’t the only one who disliked that Alias. I absolutely hated the damn show last season, swore I would never watch it again, forgot that I swore it off, watched it, and was pulled right back in. Way too predictable. Podcasting is cool. I haven’t actually heard any podcasts, but I think I’m going to start making them. It’s just that they’re so, like, Wired, you know? And that’s just cool. As for angry emails, I welcome them from any and all comers. I really, really need things to post on my website. But for some reason, nobody seems to take me seriously. I wonder why.

  13. Dave2 says:

    Now THAT would be a Podcast I might actually listen to! And anybody who attacked all of Canada in their blog really should be getting some hate mail… you might try setting a clown’s ass on fire, as that’s what got the ball rolling for me.

  14. Wet ass? That’s not good for business.

  15. Chris says:

    I love being the odd one out – honestly you wouldn’t believe how often that happens. 😛 In this case it’s because I REALLY enjoyed Alias. It was good fun: Sydney went mental and kicked Vaughn’s butt (always good to watch); Jack still showed he cared, which is good because some people I know think he’s the evil genius this season; Dixon told Sloane how it’s going to play out and I’m sure there were other things but yeah, I thought it was a solid, enjoyable episode.

    As for Podcasting, I can’t really say apart from think that if it allows ANYONE with a blog to create something, there’s going to be crap out there (and probably SPAM Podcasts too).

  16. Tabetha says:

    What’s up Dave? I just ran across this website by accident and love the stupid bitch letter. Do you sit all day and read everyones comments? Do you have a job? Looks like most of these people on here dont have jobs either but still- why do I have to sit at a desk while you play on the web all day? =) Give me the answer to life in your words please, I wonder about you.

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