This afternoon I had to take a run into the "big city" of Wenatchee (population 28,000) to pick up my dry cleaning. For some reason I wanted to be all clean and relatively wrinkle-free for my trip to Europe, which is ironic considering I won't arrive either clean OR wrinkle-free after spending 14 hours in a plane. But anyway, twenty minutes later and there I was at Hays Cleaners with my expensive garments in-hand. Since it was around lunch-time, I decided to squander a small fortune and grab a sandwich at Quiznos (delicious!).
After consuming my toasty sub, there was nothing else to do but head home. On the way out of town, I noticed that the car ahead of me had a bumper sticker that said "Alaska Girls Kick Ass" which raised all kinds of questions. Kick ass at what? Kick who's ass? Do all Alaska girls kick ass, or was it only the Alaska girls in the car? All I can say is that it must be really tough to be a guy in Alaska with the girls kicking all that ass. Ah well, so long as it's not my ass that's getting kicked, I guess it's all good.
But anyway, all that pondering made me hungry for dessert. I needed ice cream. I was going to pull into McDonalds for a McFlurry with McOreo McCookies, but then I remembered that Jeff from Geekable wanted to know if any of the Wendy's restaurants had salad bars anymore, so I decided to do a drive-by and take a look (since I had never been there before and didn't know). The menu was crammed full of "Biggie this" and "Biggie that" but I couldn't find ice cream anywhere...
"Welcome to Wendy's may I take your order?" the girl in the speaker box chirped. "Err yes, I'd like an ice cream please" I replied. Then, in a tone that I can only describe as utter contempt and loathing I hear: "Sir, this is Wendy's, we do not have 'ice cream' at Wendy's." Much embarrassed, I forged ahead... "Ah, I'll have a chocolate shake then." And that's when things got complicated.
In a condescending tone that is usually reserved for uptight English butlers on television shows like The Nanny and movies like Arthur, she responds: Wendy's does not serve 'shakes.' Might I suggest you order something off our menu like a Frosty?" Confused that a fast-food menu could possibly be this complicated, I reply: "I don't know what a 'Frosty' is, what's the 'Frozen Dairy Dessert' on the menu?" And that's when she really lost it.
"THAT IS A FROSTY!!" She says, drier than the Sahara. Progress! I ignore her tone and respond: "I see. Does that come in chocolate?" She has now lost all patience... "Sir, the only flavor IS chocolate!!" - heavy sigh - "It's like a chocolate milkshake, only thicker!!" I think if I would have been standing in front of her, I would have gotten slapped and called a moron, but there you have it: "Okay, I'll take a medium please."
Apparently Wendy's is no mere fast food restaurant, but is instead a fine dining establishment too good for such lower class foods like "milkshakes." All those times driving by and I had no idea. I sure wish I could have been present to witness the Frosty Miracle when the fast-food gods handed down the recipe to Wendy's founder Dave Thomas from on high...
Thinking that my adventure at Wendy's is over, I pull up to pay and collect my frozen treat. After handing it over to me, I notice something is missing... "Uhhh, can I get a straw?". A burst of laughter and then: "You can't suck a Frosty through a straw! That's what the spoon is for!" I was about to make a comment about what really sucks around here, but decided I'd hold my tongue in an attempt to escape with my life (and what's left of my dignity).
And, before I forget, no there isn't a salad bar at my local Wendy's. But the Frosty's are worth a stop... if you dare.
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They ‘Totally Bitchin’?’? They public has a right to know.
🙂
Over here, Frosties would be a ridiculously sweet breakfast cereal. I am, however, curious to know how you suck a frosty through a spoon.
Mmmmmm. Frosty.
Might I also suggest the broccoli and cheese stuffed baked potato. It’s quite tasty.
The fast food that I really miss here in Norge is Wendy’s. I love to get their fries and (don’t laugh at me on this one) dip them in the Frosty. It’s a salty/sweet thing, like a chocolate covered pretzel or a hot chocolate glazed donut. My brother does it too. The chocolatey Frosty just clings to the salty fries, it’s groovy yummy.
Yeah, I know i’m a freak.
That girl should not have been so rude, though, you were new to the cult of the Frosty. They should be supportive of newbies.
And the movie quote is from Trading Places. Eddie Murphy says it. Trust me.
I was just going to suggest the dipping your fries in the Frosty thing but somebody beat me to it. It is super yummy!
I’ll gladly try the Wendy’s baked potato… if it’s a name I can figure out from viewing the menu. It would have to be sans broccoli, however. I can’t eat broccoli or cauliflower because, to me at least, it smells like feet.
The ordeal with ordering the Frosty was bizarre, because it is NOT mentioned on the drive-up menu here. It simply says “Frozen Dairy Dessert,” which could be a frozen chunk of butter for all I know. They should label it as a “Chocolate Frosty” so people who have never eaten there have a small hope of figuring things out.
After all is said and done, I did find myself liking the Frosty. I am intrigued at the idea of dipping fries in it… so next time I get one, I’ll be sure to add a “BIGGIE FRIES” to my order.
The chocolate/fries things sounds weird. I think we should launch an offical Blogography experiment. Failing that, a race around the world.
Great story! Have you read Connie Willis’ “Belweather”? You should. That Wendy’s girl put me very much in mind of the character of Flip, except that Flip was a lot lazier and more incompetent.
I am a fan of Wendy’s myself, but it does have its idiosyncracies. The Frosty being one. But you can get a good baked potato instead of fries, their burgers are decent, and the chicken sandwiches are the best among the fast food restaurants, outside of KFC. McDonalds is very much the baseline of fast food. You know what you’re going to get and its addictive. Wendy’s is a step up, and I use the restaurant to try and fool myself that I’m eating healthier.
Fries and Frosty are very yummy!
Connie Willis… as in Doomsday Book Connie Willis? Hmmm… I haven’t heard of Belweather, but enjoyed that other book so perhaps I should hunt it down.
Next time I drive by a Wendy’s, I’ll try the Frosty and Fries thing, I promise!
Wow….you mean I am not the only freak who does the Fries Frosty dip? Amazing! It’s a zeitgeist! A secret society of fry dippers! Freaky dippers unite!
Yup, Belweather is by Connie Willis of the Doomsday Book. Belweather is much shorter and it is _funny_. I highly recommend it.
“To Say Nothing of the Dog” is set in the same future as “The Doomsday Book”, with many of the same characters, but it also is a comedy — especially to those who know a bit about Victorian farce and Lord Peter Wimsey novels. It rambles a bit but it is also a good read.
I think Connie is possibly the only science fiction author worth reading who is writing at present. All of the other current things that interest me all fall into fantasy.
well of course alaska girls kick ass!!
Kick whose ass? My ass? MY ASS?!? Oh no you di’nt!
🙂
Its just a saying! we (Alaskan Girls) don’t Kick anybody’s ass. Were just saying were Cool people. We Kick Ass! and don’t you forget it! 🙂
ALASKA KICKS ASS
LOL…
As an Alaskan ‘girl’, I’m laughing because it cracks me up when I see that logo. Yes, we kick ass, but clearly, we’re all confused as to what we’re kicking. It could be winter’s ass, the polar bear at the zoo that bites us, or maybe it’s tourists. I’m still trying to find out.
Personally, I only kick customers in the ass, but I work at a bar, so that’s a given.
Thanks for that comment on the stickers. Did you know your blog is listed as #3 on google when you do a search for “alaska girls kick ass”?
And rising!
When I google it, I’m at #2 now.
Sweet! Just so long as Alaska Girls aren’t kicking my ass, it’s all good.
Alaska Girls Kick Ass – in general =)
Okay – I was trying to find a new bumpersticker as my old one is faded… so I did a google search.. found this post, and felt compelled to add my unimportant but still valid comment.
It’s more of a claim than a warning… not like we’re out to ‘kick your ass’… but spend a few winters here in the Interior (Fairbanks for me), do it alone, and come spring you do kinda get that feeling, “I rock dammit”!
If you don’t get it”, ya prolly never will…. it’s okay, we understand 😉
~~rosie