Nothing quite like a night in the emergency room to put all your other problems into perspective.
Yesterday was a happy day. I had chocolate pudding for breakfast, work went good, I got my car's oil changed, and I was set to appear as a Very Special Guest on The Jester Show.
But the next thing you know I am writhing on the floor in agony as I shove every pill I can find down my throat in a feeble effort to get the pain to stop.
Two years ago I was rushed to the ER because I thought I was dying. Turns out I only wish I was dying, because it was a kidney stone. At the time, the ER doctor gave me the lovely news that I had a second stone that could drop in 10 minutes or 10 years. It's like having a bomb inside you with no way of knowing how much time is on the clock...
And yesterday was my lucky day! The bomb timer finally struck zero. This meant a lot of screaming until my trip to the ER and a magical shot of morphine made my life sane again...
I was tagged with a meme by James asking about my most embarrassing moment, and I'd have to say screaming your head off and crying in a room of strangers at the hospital is probably it. But the pain is overwhelming and there's really nothing you can do about it.
How thankful am I that this didn't happen on the flight back from Norway?
So now I live this quiet life of desperation... half-way between pain and a drugged-out haze... until the stone decides to pass. Good times, everybody. Good times.
My apologies to Jester for missing his show, and I'll plan on being there next Wednesday, April 9th, at 7:00.
And now for something really important...
After having already beat the shit out of cancer twice, Lisa over at Clusterfook has been diagnosed for a third time.
Though I've known her only briefly, Lisa has nevertheless done an incredible kindness for me, so when I heard that Miss Ann was on a mission to raise enough money to send Lisa and her daughters to Walt Disney World, I had to be involved. Beating the shit out of cancer for a third time is going to take everything Lisa's got, and I think it's great that her daughters can enjoy a happy vacation with mom before she has to start kicking ass.
There's already a huge list of prizes you can win with your donation, but I'll be adding a big box of treats from the Artificial Duck Store... T-shirts, buttons, and more... including a rare opportunity to own a custom DaveToon Print. That's right, if you win my prize, I'll create a one-of-a-kind custom DaveToon suitable for framing, just for you!
So what are you waiting for? Head on over to Miss Ann's blog and donate generously today by clicking the graphic below...
And thanks from the bottom of my heart for helping out an incredibly generous person who really deserves it.
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Aside from the big “W00T” I’m with you.
Glad you’re doing (relatively) OK. You need to make lots of Morphine brownies to help take the edge off.
On the upside, does this mean you are now stone free?
Owwwwwchhhhhhhh!
Most men never have any idea what childbirth is like, I fear you may have discovered it. Drugs is the way to go!
I am sooo excited about the custom Dave print! I want one nowwwwwwwww!
Owie-owie-owie-owie-owie-owie-owie 🙁
Oh… kidney stones… I’ve never had one but I’ve heard that they are pretty comparable to giving birth. I feel for you, babe!
Glad the morphine kicked in! Kidney stoned are scary!
So what happens now? Do you just have to wait in pain until it passes?
I’m sooooo sorry Dave. 🙁 I get kidney stones once a year, and as much pain as I suffer, I know it pales in comparison to how it is for men.
While it’s not easy, try to move around as much as possible. The more you move the faster IT moves and the sooner you can be done with it.
Feel better soon!!
Done.
I know you hate it when I get sentimental but it made my heart ache just a little bit to think of you crying and dying in the emergency room. Of course, I’m now over it because I am jealous of your pain killers ;).
I guess the doctors didn’t talk to you about having them blasted so they (it) will pass faster and in MUCH smaller pieces?
They lower you into a whirlpool type tub. I believe they use sound waves in the water to break up the stone(s).
My father had really bad stones. This is what he had done. He told me it did not hurt (the blasting part). And the stones were so small, tiny even – that passing all of them was hardly noticeable.
I just thought I’d let you know.
Oh Dave, I’m so sorry you had to go through that kind of pain 🙁 and I hope you are feeling better.
I’ve been overwhelmed at the kindness of the blogging community and I’m speechless every time I see someone else helping to give my two wonderful daughters the chance to have some “magical” memories with me. Thank you so very much.
I have gallstones and while they have NEVER given me any trouble, just knowing they’re there waiting to block my biliary system someday is a bitch. Thanks to that ultrasound I had to have for a completely unrelated problem I have this knowledge and no way to do anything about it. Great.
I’m so there with the donation, prizes or not. No one deserves cancer 3 effing times.
I hope you’re feeling better soon, Dave.
Sorry about the kidney stone. I’m just cringing thinking about it.
Kidney stones truly suck. I recommend the fetal position for sleeping with Percoset within reach.
I’d also like to point out that passing a kidney stone for a man has been compared similarly to the pain of giving birth.
Don’t forget to breathe… in through the nose… out through the mouth… in through the nose… out through the mouth…
Glad you’re okay – I’ve had kidney stones as well, and I’m told they’re MUCH worse for men!
Drink a lot of water!
The Korean guy who sticks me full of needles says that the ‘eastern medicine’ treatment for kidney stones is to give the patient a beer and have them run on the treadmill to flush the stone out.
I’d donate to Lisa had I any extra cash, but I’ve been unemployed for four months 🙁
I’m sure she’ll whip the cancer fast this time – the first two rounds were just practice, right?
OMG! I can almost feeeeeeeeel the pain! (well, not really but close-ish)
Ouch on the kidney stones.. I know how damn painful they are, I had them once, but I can imagine that they are MUCH worse for men. I hope you are feeling better soon.
As for Lisa, I don’t read her blog but no one deserves that much misery.. I sent over a small donation, if I were rich it would be a LOT more. Hope she recovers quickly and I hope she and her daughters have an amazing time at Disney.
Ouch, that sounds horrible. Well except the part about the morphine.
That hurts to think about…:(….sorry!
Best wishes, Dave. That really sucks, but I hope you’re getting well soon, and there are no other kidney stones planned. 🙂
Had a painful bout with kidney stones so I feel your pain – I too screamed and cried, but also threw up… having them tell me that it was close to the pain of childbirth pretty much sealed the deal that I’d never have kids… Kidney stones and cancer. You’re just a barrel of laughs today… I’m going to Lisa’s…
Throw something when the pain hits. The resulting crash helps you feel better. Just ask my SO. Every time he passes a stone, he also gets a new cell phone and I get new dished and glasses. ER sucks. I hope you pass the stone soon!
I love reading about how everyone gathers together to help out. I don’t know her, but after reading her story yesterday I donated. It broke my heart. Cancer sucks, I know this from experience and anything anyone can do to help is wonderful. You are awesome for donating things to the raffle. Reading about everyone helping her is making my heart feel so happy even though I am sad about the reason we all are doing it.
I hope you feel better fast too!
Yikes. Hopefully it will pass soon…until then, I hope you’re able to rest with the help of the painkillers. Take care of yourself!
I was going to ask why they weren’t blasting the stone to make it pass easily, but I see someone’s already mentioned that. I have an acquaintance who’s had that procedure a few times, and thanks God for it. Is your stone the wrong kind or something?
Why am I asking a question? You’re probably so doped up on painkillers you don’t even remember you *have* a blog. 😉
I had a kidney stone when I was 17. Holy shit that sucked. I remember screaming. I also remember chugging from a gallon jug and actually refilling it over and over, not fun. Drugs for the win! Hang in there!
Kidney stones… I’ve got one, but it’s yet to do anything. Dr. found it two years ago when I went in for my annual. First thing he told me after reviewing my blood work and doing an ultrasound was to stop drinking soda. Two years later, I drink maybe one a week now and haven’t had any issues *knock on wood*
Lisa’s story has been much discussed here at the conference thingy we’re at, and I mean to write about it as soon as we get home, too. You’re a sweetheart (as usual) for doing it. Can others borrow the button you made?
I’ve been showing your blog to folks as an example of Best Blog Design EVER.
I saw the blasting on some science show and it was really cool. They have a catheter with, basically, a tiny blasting cap on the end. They position it against the stone and KAPOW! Then, you pee sand and no more stone. I tend to concur with NYCWD – Take two Percocets and call me in the morning if symptoms persist. Now, I’m going over to see what I can do for Lisa. Hope you’re feeling better.
Wow that sucks–and not in the good way.
I hope it passes soon so you can feel better
Smooch
I feel for you man . I had a stone last year and ended up needing surgery to remove it. That sucked balls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I missed 8 days of work, pissed blood for the first 4, and did nothing but take vicodin until i was in a haze.
hope you feel better than I did.
Oh damn, never thought about the timing of your kidney stone with regard to Norway. Yeah, you are lucky.
I hope all turns out for the best. Now pass that puppy!
that is one of my fave cartoons you’ve done (w/ the morphine)
someday I’m going to make some cool cartoon version of me 😀
someday
hehe
And my thoughts are with Lisa