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Posted on Wednesday, June 27th, 2012

Dave!This morning as I was walking towards my car, I heard loud ruffling... then felt something smack me on the side of my head. When I looked up, I saw a large quail flying up to the carport roof. "Help. I'm being attacked by a giant quail." I yelled.

Nobody came running to rescue me.

The bird just sat there glaring at me as I slowly backed away.

So I got into the car... slowly... then drove off.

Things just went downhill from there. And when I finally came home from work, I admit I took a good look around, thinking that the big quail would be there waiting for me. But he wasn't. Apparently he had other people to terrorize.

As if the evil geese weren't enough to worry about. I swear, sometimes living in the wilds of Redneckistan is enough to drive me crazy. I may be a vegetarian, but right now I'm wondering which is more delicious... quail or goose. Forget Turducken, it's time for Gooquaiken.

Assuming they don't get me first.

Categories: DaveLife 2012Click To It: Permalink


  1. Kailyn says:

    What?! The quails around these parts are timid creatures. They see a person and they head in the other direction. Geese on the other hand are evil birds. I keep wondering which are more evil — geese or swans. I’m leaning toward swans. Never ever trust a swan. Evil ass birds tried to take me out in Regent’s Park. They got this idea that I should only feed them and screw the other birds. Yep. Geese and swans are the bullies of aquatic birds.

  2. Quail is much more tasty than goose. I haven’t had either in years.

  3. Megan says:

    I honestly thought you were joking when I read your status on Facebook. The Bloggess’ book has a whole chapter about the “giant quail” her father brought home (apparently they were turkeys) that lived in her front yard and terrorized the family and the mail carrier. One followed her into school one day… I can’t remember his name.

    Anyway. It must be nesting season. We have birds that nest in a couple of trees in our backyard that used to dive bomb our dogs when they would go back there.

  4. Tracy Kaply says:

    Birds can’t be trusted. You always get the feeling they’re remembering when they were giant lizards that ruled the earth and could take those monkey sons of bitches to the cleaners, as Terry Pratchett says.
    Mad as a spoon, the feathery little fuckers.

  5. martymankins says:

    The quails that visit our backyard have always been kind of calm. Those WA state quails must be more aggressive.

  6. Sybil Law says:

    Hahahaha – Gooquiken!

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