Seven years ago, I received an email from a young man because he had nobody else he could turn to. It saddened me that somebody so young had such an unnecessarily difficult life... but it broke my heart that a stranger on the internet was the only place he felt he could turn to for a friendly word. Hurting and alone, his entire existence was that of suffering and hatred just because he happened to be gay. Through no fault of his own, for something he could not change even if he wanted to, he was mercilessly teased and bullied day in and day out.
His story changed me in a way I can never explain. But hearing somebody's hopes and dreams revolve entirely around escaping their miserable life is a soul-crushing experience that should change you.
Sadly, since that time, things have not gotten better. The rash of suicides among gay youth making the headlines these past years is a constant reminder how even being perceived as gay can have tragic results. At a time when just being a kid can be confusing and painful enough a burden, being bullied can be that final straw that removes all hope from a young life... maybe even one you know. And, sadly, it doesn't end there. Even if they manage to survive their youth, the violence, intolerance, and hatred never disappears.
This has to change.
And it will change if we want it to. And a big piece of the puzzle that's been missing is to change the attitudes of those that often end up doing the bullying: young straight men.
Enter Straight But Not Narrow...
It's wonderful that there are organizations like The Trevor Project available to assist after the damage is done, but it's organizations like Straight But Not Narrow which will (hopefully) start to change the way society views our gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender friends and neighbors. And it's about fucking time...
Some of the bravest, kindest, most decent and honorable men I know happen to be gay. Who they date or who they fall in love with makes no difference in their moral character. None. But anybody who would persecute them for who the are has serious character deficiencies regardless of what justification they try to use to back-up their hate...
Everybody has their own beliefs. Everybody has their own opinions. And that's fine. That's America. But if what you say fosters hatred towards somebody so vicious that it can lead to their death... then you have no place in a society which was built specifically to insure the pursuit of happiness for all its citizens.
I can only hope that the voices of those in the Straight But Not Narrow project (and other organizations like it) can eventually drown out the voices from hateful pieces of shit whose only goal is to tear us apart because of our differences. It's these difference... and the right to be who we are... which should be binding us together.
Make a difference. Make your voice be heard.
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Thank you. Straight But Not Narrow will be shared. I appreciate the resources you provide. Your writing is heartfelt, intellectual and you make a difference.
I think things have gotten a little better. Kids are feeling safe enough to come out noticeably younger than when I was in school. It’s just not enough yet.
I agree with Robguy on this. We still have a LOT of work to do. But when I can talk with some of my present youth group kids who have come out — and contrast that to some who had to go through the same ordeal a decade ago, I find a boatload more tolerance than there had been — especially within my religious community.
fantastic post, dave. i love your passion. this line is especially powerful: “But if what you say fosters hatred towards somebody so vicious that it can lead to their death… then you have no place in a society which was built specifically to insure the pursuit of happiness for all its citizens.”
years ago i found on the internet a woman who, along with her wife, dog and cat, was remodeling a house and blogging about a variety of things…one of which was the fact that she was gay. back when the prop eight decision was made she posted a link to a shirt that had the slogan “straight, not narrow” and i bought a few. here is a link if anyone is interested.
How can that ignorant cow – Victoria Jackson, formerly of SNL – have ‘gay friends..that she loves…’ and still go ranting about how homosexuality is a sin?
It’s just that odd behavior that causes so much pain and hatred and heartache in this world over this issue.
What is the issue, exactly? Last time I checked, gays and lesbians weren’t running rampant brandishing their sexuality and terrorizing the populace at large…there are bigger issues to direct one’s energy at all over this world.
I have family in Japan – do you think they care one whit about a kiss on television between two men?! WTF?!
P
Thanks for this post. I will definitely be looking into Straight But Not Narrow more. It sounds like a great organization.
I was with them til the spray painting started. Gross.
What a great project! We keep telling our kids that someday even Klingons and Romulans will be on the bridge of the Enterprise, so it’s best that aspiring Star Fleet officers such as themselves get into the habit of viewing each individual on their own merits, not on what “group” they belong to. In that regard at least, Gene Roddenberry had it right.