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Posted on Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Dave!It seems that the one thing which hasn't been hurt by the economic recession is lawsuits. If anything, they've been escalating as lawyer-happy assholes try to exploit frivolous lawsuits as source of new revenue. At first I found it funny, but lately I've been increasingly outraged by the bullshit that is clogging up our courts.

Case in point: Hollywood's favorite drunken drug-addicted publicity whore, Lindsay Lohan, is suing E*Trade because she feels that people associate the name "Lindsay" with her the same way that people associate Oprah and Madonna's first names with them, and this commercial reflects badly on her...

Except I have news for Ms. Lohan: YOU ARE NOT OPRAH OR MADONNA!

This is fucking bullshit because I have never seen or heard of any show or publication ever referring to Ms. Lohan as simply "Lindsay." If anything, she should be filing lawsuits against people using "Blowhan" or "Firecrotch" or "HoHan" in a derogatory manner, because those those single-word names people do associate with her.

Currently, there are two things that Lindsay Lohan is most famous for, neither of which is her "music" or her "acting" or her "fashion."

#1 Flashing her cootchie everywhere...

Lohan Coochie

#2 Partying like a drunken drug addict in-between trips to rehab...

Lohan Drunk

That's it. That's what everybody knows her for. That's what she's good at. For her to imply otherwise is just the epitome of denial and self-delusion.

Whether or not E*Trade intended to mock Ms. Lohan in their commercial by using the generic name "Lindsay" is subjective.

But the fact that everybody on earth automatically links the name "Lindsay Lohan" to a drunken drug-addicted cootchie-flasher is nobody's fault but Lindsay Lohan's. By extension, people making the connection between a milkoholic baby named "Lindsay" and Lindsay Lohan is also nobody's fault but Lindsay Lohan's. You can sue people all you want, but it's not going to change the image you've worked so hard to cultivate.

So now the legal wranglings begin as our courts will decide whether Lindsay Lohan should profit ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS for being a drunken drug-addicted cootchie-flasher.

It's times like this I am so very proud to be an American. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! GOOOOO AMERICA!!

Categories: Internets 2010Click To It: Permalink


  1. S says:


    FWIW, I never once thought of Ms. Lohan as the Lindsay in question the several times I’ve seen–and laughed at–this commercial. A friend posted about this on Facebook yesterday, and several of us were all in agreement on this point.

    Yeah, she’s got not much to be proud of.

  2. Ren says:

    I wonder if “The Li’l Dave” could become a popular style of feminine grooming?

  3. nicole says:

    When I read that, I only had one word – “Seriously?!?”

    It’s too bad – I used to think Lindsay had talent. Now I think she needs to disappear.

  4. Tug says:

    Also? Being associated with milk could very well be *good* for her, IF anyone associated the two.


    She’s insane.

  5. LeSombre says:

    Do you really want people to say that Lindsay’s cootchie looks a lot like Lil’Dave?

    I guess it’s better than the other way around – that might get you sued. 🙂

  6. Sybil Law says:

    Fucking idiots.

  7. muskrat says:

    Asshole. I’m counting on my recession-proof profession eventually meaning the 6 of us can get out of our fucking 3-bedroom!

  8. B.E. Earl says:

    This might be the most egotistical lawsuit every. NO ONE thought they were referring to the Lohan in that ad, no one. This is purely her people getting in her ear and trying desperately to get her out of whatever financial hole she is in. Very sad.

  9. josh says:

    I hate Blohan’s debut album “Speak” and have actually listened to it all the way through (twice!). If it makes her feel any better, every grrrl I’ve ever known by the name of Lindsay has been a huge fucking bitchbag of misery. Guess the name turnz you into a terrible monster!

  10. Pachinko Sid says:

    wow… Ummm Dave i think you are using some bad judgement here.

    And i think your probably next on the L. Lohan suing express.

    Quite simply because Lil Dave is representing her Cootchie in a public place..

    She cant have people thinking her cootchie looks anything like Lil Dave.

    Ahhhh man You are totally screwed!!!

  11. MIke says:

    I have never liked this woman. Even her voice bugs me- like a 3 dollar whore and that’s probably more of an insult to the whores. The measure of celebrity has now become how much of a nuisance you can make of yourself in public, it seems. If you are what Lohan has now become, where do you go? After flashing her minge to anybody with a camera, and passing out with her mouth open, after bombing repeatedly at the box office, she has done the mea culpa rehab thing and she ended up picking up a boyfriend there- against the strict rules- who then, not surprisingly treated her like donkey poo. And the worst part is… I don’t even want to know all this crap!
    But just don’t get me started on the Kardasians!

  12. Sarcastica says:

    I really hope Lindsay Lohan reads this. It’s SO true! 100%.

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