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Shredded

Posted on Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

Dave!I have come to the conclusion that the greatest thing since pre-sliced bread is pre-shredded cheese.

I've heard a lot of people using a lot of things to try and trump sliced bread as far as great inventions go... but not one of them measures up to the awesomeness of pre-shreded cheese. Especially when you find yourself making tacos at home.

Last night I was was feeling awful. So this morning's conversation with myself went something like this...

DAVE: wah! i feel terrible.
   
DAVE: No you don't!
   
DAVE: yes i do. see... i just said so on twitter.
   
DAVE: No, you really don't! Does your throat hurt?
   
DAVE: no.
   
DAVE: Do your intestines feel like they're going to climb out of your throat and strangle you?
   
DAVE: no.
   
DAVE: Are you feeling hot?
   
DAVE: yes!
   
DAVE: Errr... I mean feverish.
   
DAVE: no.
   
DAVE: Headache? Chills? Stomach pain? Runny nose? Cough?
   
DAVE: no. no. no. no. no.
   
DAVE: Then you're fine!
   
DAVE: no i'm not. i feel terrible.
   
DAVE: That's because you took three Benadryl, a Unisom, and a couple Excedrin PM so you could fall asleep. You're not sick... you're just groggy and drugged. Now get up and get to work!
   
DAVE: okay. i'm going.

And I've regretted it ever since.

I felt more terrible being not-sick today than I've ever felt being for-reals-sick in the past. Now I think I'm actually getting for-reals-sick.

All because I listened to my body and went to work instead of just staying in bed.

I should have known better. It's not like I'm a doctor or anything.


Categories: DaveLife 2009Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. sizzle says:

    I love the part where you say you said it on Twitter. Ha!

    (I’ve had a codeine hang over ever morning for the past week. I feel your “pain”.)

  2. TheQueen says:

    You’re dehydrated, child. Drink some water!

  3. whall says:

    My local grocery store (HEB) always runs the best deals. For example, if you buy a super-mega-family-uber-size stouffer’s lasagna, you get the following completely free: pint of ice cream, bag of salad, loaf of bread, and something else I forgot what it was. But it was $9 worth of goodies, for buying an $8 meal we would have bought normally.

    They also had a deal where if you bought two (2) 2lbd ground beef packages, you got the following free; a bag of shredded cheese, a box of taco shells, some pace (or some kind) picante and again, something else I forgot what it was. It was a near-complete taco meal! For many!

  4. Mik says:

    Yeah, but did you get work done? If so,least it won’t be piled up as it would be if you didn’t go to work.

    I agree shredded cheese is great especially if it gets one out of cheese grating duty when we have tacos.

  5. Iron Fist says:

    My body cons me into going to work every morning, too. If I could figure out how I’d kick its ass for lying to me all the time.

  6. kapgar says:

    You sound like the nurse telegram from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off…

    “I heard that you were feeling ill.
    Headache, fever, and a chill.
    I came to help restore your pluck,
    ’cause I’m the nurse who likes to…”

    And then your alter ego slams the door.

    Feel better, even if one half of you denies there’s anything wrong.

  7. Sybil Law says:

    You are so right about the shredded cheese!!
    Will you just STAY HOME and spoil yourself already?!!!
    Dr. Dave would be a hot doctor…

  8. Avitable says:

    If you’re not a doctor, why did I let you touch me like that?

  9. Andy Hayes says:

    I’d agree with you except for some reason here in the UK you can only get CHEDDAR cheese like that. What’s the fascination with cheddar? Give me the good continental stuff.

  10. Shredded lettuce is a pretty awesome “lazy cook” convenience. Love that shit.

  11. Twinkie says:

    I always feel like I’m cheating my family out of a hard worked/home cooked meal when I get the bagged pre-shredded cheese. I also feel like an idiot for spending more money just to get it pre-shredded. I’m not saying I never buy it. Just sayin’ that MY inner voice lectures me everytime I do.

    Also, you probably ARE dehydrated/hung over from all that medication. Drink water and eat a banana. Then call me in the morning. Ooops.. of course by “me” I really mean “your doctor” or in your case, you inner voice/wannabe doctor.

  12. Tracy Lynn says:

    Shredded cheese is AWESOME. And it comes in Swiss and extra sharp cheddar! My brother, Fathead, has been known to stand in front of the fridge and eat it straight out of the bag, but he’s a heathen infidel. I can’t recommend that you do that.

  13. Staci says:

    i feel so bad about your chronic insomnia. i heard ambien works well but i think you need a prescription.

  14. Whit says:

    Don’t let individual serving pudding cups hear you talk like this.

  15. Whitenoise says:

    Hmmm… hope you’re feeling better soon.

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